


a million lights above you

by sweetillusion



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, The Pacific RPF
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Miscommunication, POV Alternating, Secret Relationship, Time Skips, award shows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-10-24 08:58:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17701367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetillusion/pseuds/sweetillusion
Summary: Joe and Rami attend the premiere ofThe Pacificon February 24, 2010. Exactly nine years later,Bohemian Rhapsodyis honored at the Academy Awards ceremony on February 24, 2019.After nine years of attending premieres and award shows together with their relationship as a well-guarded secret, they finally decide to go public. Except nothing goes as planned.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The fact that _The Pacific_ premiere and the _Bohemian Rhapsody_ Oscars date are exactly nine years apart was too perfect for me not to write something about it. 
> 
> Not that I really needed an excuse to write about these two secretly dating for a decade.

_The Pacific Premiere, February 24, 2010_

 

HBO throws them a lavish premiere party. 

Joe has attended premieres and walked red carpets before, but this is his first major premiere as an adult and the first project where he has a leading role. It’s a strange feeling.

He’s proud of his work on _The Pacific_. Despite enduring the disruption caused by the writers’ strike and a rather arduous production timeline, everyone on the cast and crew has worked so hard to bring this project to fruition. It’s a true labor of love.

However, while Joe has found his work on _The Pacific_ to be truly rewarding, he will always be thankful to the show for bringing Rami into his life. Joe doesn’t know how he would have gotten through filming without Rami by his side. 

They’d met during an audition and had bonded almost immediately. Considering the severity of their filming schedule and the nature of the characters they were portraying, their friendship was probably inevitable. Even when they hadn’t been running lines or shooting scenes, they had still found themselves spending all their spare moments with one another. Joe has been on enough film sets to know that professional relationships can easily turn to friendships, especially on projects where the cast is forced to constantly be around each other. Yet, somewhere along the way his friendship with Rami had turned into something more intimate. 

After filming wrapped in 2008, Joe had expected that whatever was between them would fizzle and fade until it was nothing more than a cherished memory. To his surprise, their friendship had instead morphed into an actual relationship.

They’ve been dating for almost two years.

Sometimes there are days where Joe can’t believe they’ve been dating for that long. He’s been in long term relationships before, but he’s never felt as strongly about any of his previous partners as he does about Rami. Rami is his perfect other half in almost every possible way, right down to how he deals with Joe’s energetic nature and sometimes outrageous antics. 

Joe wishes they could have walked the red carpet together. As much as he’d love to tell everyone that they’re dating, he knows it’s neither the time nor the place to come out about their relationship.

But even though the nature of their relationship is a secret, Joe still considers tonight the first event he and Rami are officially attending as a couple. It’s worth remembering, he thinks.

It’s something that stays on his mind as he proceeds down the red carpet, stopping for interviews and photos. When he finally spots Rami, he envelops him into a hug and says, “This is our first official event together.”

“I know,” Rami says. “I’m surprised you’re so calm. I thought you’d want to commemorate it.”

“I’m screaming internally,” Joe deadpans. “But don’t worry, I have it marked on my calendar. We can recreate this moment years from now when we’re A-list stars and everyone is sick of hearing about our relationship.”

It isn’t until he sees the pleased look flash across Rami’s face that Joe realizes what he’s said. The thought has been there in the back of his mind - he’s known for awhile that he wants this relationship with Rami to be permanent - but it’s something they’ve never actually discussed. He fumbles for words, feeling uncharacteristically shy. 

“When that happens we can celebrate any way you want,” Rami promises. He smiles, and it’s so affectionate that Joe feels something in his heart twist.

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Joe says.

“Counting on it.” Rami loops a hand around Joe’s arm and directs him toward the venue doors. “Let’s go celebrate everything we went through to get this show made.”

 

 

Joe keeps close to Rami as they head to their seats, and he feels a sudden bout of nervousness and anxiety come over him once they’re inside. The feeling increases once the opening speeches start and only gets worse as he listens to more people talk about what an honor it was bringing these stories to life and the dedication of the cast and crew.

“You ready for this?” Rami asks.

“I hope it’s good,” Joe says. He knows his performance as Eugene Sledge is some of his best work, but there’s so much riding on this show that he wants everything to be perfect. He can’t help but feel a little stressed out, sinking back into the anxiety and doubt that had followed him around during filming.

“It will be,” Rami says. He discreetly brushes his fingers against Joe’s wrist, gentle and reassuring. “Everyone’s going to love you. Your performance was amazing.”

He feels a blush rise along the back of his neck, the same way it does whenever Rami says something heartfelt. “Couldn’t have managed it without you,” he manages to say.

Rami smiles at him, soft and fond. “I couldn’t have gotten through filming without you either.”

And oh, how Joe wants to sweep Rami into his arms and kiss him senseless. He swallows down the desire, ignoring the knowing look Rami sends him and tries to focus on the events happening around them.

But by the time the lights dim and the opening credits of the first episode start, Joe can’t stop fidgeting in his seat. 

Rami leans towards him and whispers, “Joe, relax. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“I’m trying,” Joe says. 

He starts in surprise when he feels Rami lay a hand on his thigh. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Rami says, his voice barely audible over the melodic music playing over the opening credits. “I know I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating. I’m so unbelievably proud of you.”

It makes Joe’s cheeks heat in a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment. 

Rami leaves his hand on Joe’s thigh for the entirety of the show, rubbing small circles with his fingers until Joe relaxes. He squeezes Joe’s leg when his character appears on screen for the first time, and that small sign of support lets Joe calm down enough to actually enjoy the rest of the episode. It’s every bit as good as he hoped it would be.

Rami removes his hand when the lights come back on, but from the look on his face he does so reluctantly. Even though the audience starts clapping once the end credits roll and he vaguely hears people congratulating him on his performance, Joe doesn’t have eyes for anyone except Rami. He’s gazing at him with such pride and devotion that Joe almost feels overwhelmed.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Joe murmurs. He keeps his voice low, conscious of the crowd around them. “There’s no one else I want to share this with.”

“Me either,” Rami says. He tangles their fingers together, squeezing Joe’s hand. “Hopefully we have an entire awards season to look forward to as well.”

Joe lets out a pleased hum. He hadn’t even thought about the possibility of the two of them attending awards season.

 

 

 

_62nd Primetime Emmy Awards, August 29, 2010_

 

They arrive at the Emmys separately.

Rami insists on getting ready alone, wary that Joe is going to convince him to fool around and cause them to be late for the ceremony. Joe would be insulted at such an accusation if it wasn’t at least partially true. He does enjoy the sight of Rami in a suit. 

He lets the thought of Rami in a nice suit keep him company as he makes his way down the red carpet and into the venue. To his surprise, Rami is already inside. He’s leaning against the bar and sipping from a glass of champagne, looking dapper in a sharp black suit.

“You arrived after me,” Joe says, outraged. “How did you get in here so quickly?”

“I snuck past all the cameras,” Rami says smugly. He hands a flute of champagne to Joe, who takes it gratefully and clinks their glasses together. 

“It still took you forever to show up,” Joe grumbles. “Unbelievable.”

Rami shoots him an unimpressed look. “Don’t be an asshole.”

Joe leers at him. “I know for a fact that you like my–”

Rami interrupts him with a sharp, “ _Joe!_ ”, followed by a look that’s half scandalized and half judgmental. It’s a look Joe is all too familiar with. 

“Just trying to lighten the mood,” he says, grinning.

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” Rami says, casting a wary eye around the room. This is his first award show, and he’s been a bundle of nervous energy for the entire week leading up to the ceremony. 

“We’ll be fine. No one is paying attention to us,” Joe says. He tugs on the sleeve of Rami’s suit jacket until he captures his attention. “This is our first award show date. I have to commemorate it somehow.”

“We don’t have to celebrate every first, you know,” Rami says. “Especially not if it means you’re going to make inappropriate jokes in public.”

Joe stares at him, affronted. “Of course we have to celebrate.”

Rami bites back a smile, shaking his head. Joe knows Rami enjoys these milestones as much as he does, just as Joe knows that perhaps he goes a little overboard in trying to celebrate them. It’s hard not being able to celebrate anniversaries or milestones in public, but they’re still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, both of them secretly thrilled that they’ve been dating so long without anyone suspecting. 

Joe knows that feeling will eventually fade, but it’s not something he wants to dwell on tonight. Not when he’s at a ceremony celebrating their hard work on _The Pacific_ , and not when he has Rami by his side in a suit that makes him look amazing.

“You look great tonight,” he says.

Rami’s eyes flick over him, lingering on the cut of his suit pants. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Joe smiles, plucking Rami’s half-finished champagne flute from his hand. He finishes it off and places it on the first empty surface he can find before shepherding Rami away from the bar. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep my hands off you tonight.”

“Don’t even start,” Rami warns. 

Joe makes a face, his nose scrunching in disappointment. “You’re no fun.”

“And you’re shameless,” he says. He looks around them and then murmurs, “Save it for when we get home.”

There’s a promise in his voice, and it makes Joe try his best to behave. 

But despite all his jokes, he soon realizes that he’s not prepared for how difficult it is to pretend that he and Rami are nothing more than colleagues and friends. It takes every ounce of his self control not to touch Rami, to wrap an arm around his waist or press a kiss on his temple. 

He settles for hooking his foot around Rami’s ankle once they’re in their seats. Their row is far away from the stage since they’re not primetime drama or comedy talent. Everyone around them is so focused on the presenters that there’s no chance they’ll look down to see his and Rami’s feet entwined. Joe gets especially daring halfway through the show, running his foot up Rami’s calf. It makes Rami jerk in surprise and he shoots Joe a glance conveying his disbelief.

“I’m bored,” Joe whispers. 

“You’re impossible,” Rami replies. But he reaches over to take Joe’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He slides their joined hands downwards until they rest in between the seats and out of sight any cameras or wandering eyes.

When _The Pacific_ is called as the winner of Outstanding Miniseries, it’s such a shock that Rami has to physically pull Joe from his seat. He ushers him out into the aisle and up on stage, and Joe listens in a daze as Tom Hanks gives an acceptance speech. 

Once they’re backstage he practically throws himself at Rami, reeling him in for a tight hug. “We won. I can’t believe we won!” he says. He knows the show was well-received, but he didn’t think they’d actually win. “We’re going to celebrate _so hard_ at the after parties.” 

 

 

Joe gets spectacularly drunk at the after party.

Everyone he encounters is delighted that _The Pacific_ won so many awards tonight. Even Joe can’t believe they managed to walk away with eight awards. The alcohol flows freely at the party and whenever his glass is empty someone is right by his side handing him a new drink. It makes him loose-limbed and happy as he drifts from person to person, rambling at them excitedly about whatever pops into his mind. 

He and Rami keep losing and finding each other in the crowd, and each time it happens Rami is drunker than when Joe last saw him. The next time they run into each other, Rami greets him with a goofy smile. “Hi,” he says. 

“Hi,” Joe replies. “Fancy meeting you here.”

He places a hand on Rami’s lower back, fingers playing with the hem of Rami’s suit jacket. Rami sighs happily as he rests against Joe’s side. His cheeks are flushed from the alcohol and his hair is a little mussed, making it look even curlier than usual.

“I want to kiss you,” Joe says. He’s spent all night refraining from showing any public affection towards Rami and he’s drunk enough to want to throw caution to the wind.

“We’re in public,” Rami says, his voice a little slurred.

“We are,” Joe agrees. He runs his hand up Rami’s back, smiling at the small sound of approval Rami makes as he sways into him. “We’re celebrating. No one would notice if we go make out in the corner.”

Rami looks up at him dubiously. “I’m not _that_ drunk, Joe.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Joe says. He wraps an arm around Rami’s shoulders and pulls him in close so he can whisper in his ear. “I spent the entire show thinking of how we could slip away and find somewhere private.”

Joe intends it as a joke. There’s a part of him that’s a little aroused by the idea of having sex in public, but he knows Rami is too wary of being caught and too professional to ever risk it. Still, he enjoys teasing Rami, even though he knows he’s going to pay for it once they’re alone.

When he feels Rami shiver against him, Joe can’t help himself from adding, “Don’t you want to see if either of us have a public sex kink?”

Rami’s voice is even when he replies, “Clearly you have one. I _know_ I do. But we’re not doing that tonight. Maybe later.”

Before Joe can even react, Rami smiles coyly and pats his arm before slinking off into the crowd.

Joe stares after him, dumbfounded. 

 

 

Later, once they stumble into their hotel room, Joe pushes Rami down onto the bed and kisses him until they’re both breathless.

“You’re a little tease,” Joe says.

“It’s your damn fault for trying to rile me up in public,” Rami counters. 

Joe presses a series of kisses along Rami’s jawline. “Were you serious?” he asks. “About wanting to fool around in public?”

Rami doesn’t reply, but his secretive smile is all the answer Joe needs. He groans and drops his head so that it rests on Rami’s chest. “How did I not know this about you? We’ve been together for over two years!”

“The opportunity never came up,” Rami says. He pats the top of Joe’s head apologetically, his fingers raking through Joe’s hair. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better.”

 

 

 

_68th Golden Globe Awards, January 16, 2011_

 

Neither of them are invited to the Golden Globe ceremony.

It rankles Joe a little since both _The Pacific_ and _The Social Network_ are nominated, and while he knows he likely wouldn’t have been invited because of the latter, he thought his role in _The Pacific_ would have garnered him an invite.

Instead he has to content himself with watching the show at one of the viewing parties. Joe spends the night flitting back and forth between each cast. After _The Pacific_ loses the Best Miniseries award, he stays with _The Social Network_ cast and crew for the remainder of the show. _The Social Network_ crowd is decidedly more energetic as the movie racks up four awards for screenplay, score, director, and best picture. 

Rami eventually joins him on that side of the room, settling himself against Joe’s side. “I’m here as moral support,” he says. 

Rami hadn’t been able to attend the movie’s premiere with him for various reasons. While Joe had enjoyed the premiere and mingling with his castmates, Rami’s absence had been jarring. He missed having Rami beside him as they watched the final cut of the movie, and he’d been slightly disappointed that he hadn’t gotten the chance to walk down the red carpet with Rami. The longer they’re together, the more he wants to show Rami off as his boyfriend.

“I would’ve brought you as my date if you hadn’t been invited for _The Pacific_ ,” Joe says later as they’re leaving HBO’s after party and heading to the party being hosted by Columbia Pictures. 

“That’s sweet of you,” Rami says. 

“I’m serious,” Joe says. They have a private car transporting them to the party, and the partition is up, hiding them from the view of the driver. Feeling reckless, Joe scoots over the expanse of the backseat to press a kiss to Rami’s cheek.

“It’s our first—”

“Our first Golden Globe ceremony together. Yes, I know,” Rami says fondly. He reaches up to brush the hair from Joe’s forehead, his touch as gentle as this expression. “You’ve reminded me every day for the past two weeks. You even sent me an email reminder. And wrote it on the calendar.”

“It’s not only that,” Joe insists. “It’s just that next month will be a year since our first date. Our first date to a professional event, I mean. And it’ll be three years since we started dating.”

Rami covers Joe’s hand with his own, and he looks wistful for a moment. “I know.”

Joe turns his hand over, sliding their fingers together. He brings their joined hands up so he can place a kiss on Rami’s knuckles. “I’m happy with what we have, but I also want to be able to hold your hand on the red carpet,” he says. “And I want to be able to kiss you in public. I want people to know we’re together.”

“You’re such a sap,” Rami teases.

“You know it,” Joe says. 

 

 

Rami watches him thoughtfully for the rest of the night. He disappears for almost a half hour at one point and smiles demurely when Joe questions him about it. Joe is instantly suspicious by the lack of a response. Rami may act like an angel around most people, but Joe knows from experience how sly he can be.

A few hours into the party, Rami wraps a hand around Joe’s wrist and says, “Come with me.”

He tugs him through the crowd and Joe doesn’t even think to ask where they’re going until they’re outside the hotel ballroom.

“I have a surprise for you,” Rami says. He leads Joe through the lobby, skirting around the guests still milling about, and then down a deserted hallway. He finally stops in front of a door leading to the restroom.

Joe looks around the empty restroom. “There’s a surprise in here?” he asks dubiously.

Rami rolls his eyes. “You’re hopeless sometimes.”

He pushes Joe into one of the stalls, locking the door behind them. Joe makes a noise of surprise when Rami curls a hand around Joe’s tie and uses it to pull him into a kiss. It’s long and deep, and Joe moans into Rami’s mouth when he feels Rami slip a hand underneath the waistband of his trousers.

Rami undoes the zipper of Joe’s trousers, pushing them over Joe’s hips until they pool around his ankles. When he sinks onto the floor, Joe looks down at him with wide eyes. His hand wavers as he reaches out to cup Rami’s face, fingers sliding over the sharp jut of his jaw.

“Surprise,” Rami says, looking utterly pleased with himself.

Joe’s already half-hard when Rami leans in to place a kiss on the curve of his right hip. He bites at the skin there, hard enough that it’ll definitely leave a mark.

“ _Rami_.” It comes out strangled, which makes a satisfied smile flit across Rami’s face.

“I did promise I’d do this for you,” Rami says. He wraps a hand around Joe’s left leg, his fingers idly running up and down Joe’s calf and thigh in a way that makes Joe shiver.

“That was five months ago,” Joe says, the words broken up by a gasp as Rami places a kiss on his thigh. His cock is already slick with precome, and he groans when Rami takes his cock in his hand, giving it a slow, leisurely stroke. 

“I have a good memory,” Rami says. He’s so casual about it, as if he isn’t kneeling on the dirty floor of a hotel bathroom while hundreds of people are attending a party right outside.

He keeps his left hand on Joe’s leg for balance, and wraps his right around the base of Joe’s cock. His touch alone makes Joe’s cock twitch, but when Rami licks the precome from the head of his cock, he can’t help the loud groan he releases. His hands scramble for purchase, one of them landing in Rami’s hair and the other on his shoulder, the material of Rami’s suit jacket bunching under his fingers. 

“Fuck. Oh, Rami. _Fuck_.”

“Eloquent,” Rami teases. 

He glances up at Joe as he takes his cock back into his mouth, and Joe can’t look away. He cards his hands through Rami’s hair, tugging at his curls in gentle encouragement.

Rami hums around his cock and bobs his head forward, keeping up a steady pace. Rami’s fingers slide over to fondle his balls at the same time that he runs his tongue under the head of Joe’s cock, hitting that sensitive spot that makes Joe buck his hips with a loud whine.

“Quiet,” Rami says, pulling back with a cough. His voice is hoarse, and Joe runs his hand along Rami’s jawline apologetically. “If you keep moaning like that someone will hear us.”

“Fuck,” Joe says again, biting back a whimper when Rami licks a long, wet stripe from the base to the head of Joe’s cock. His tongue swipes over the tip, flicking at it in a way that makes Joe gasp.

It’s the thought of someone catching them, along with the way Rami looks on his knees with Joe’s cock in his mouth, that has Joe tightening the hand he has on Rami’s shoulder in warning before he comes. 

Rami swallows, wiping his lips with the back of his hand, and Joe stares down at him in a daze. There’s a splatter of come on Rami’s lower lip and Joe reaches out to swipe it away, his thumb lingering on Rami’s lip. Rami sucks Joe’s finger into his mouth, licking the come clean while he keeps his eyes trained on Joe. It makes him look positively sinful.

“Do you want me to…?” Joe asks, waving a hand in Rami’s direction. 

Rami laughs. “I’m fine for now.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Rami says. 

He caresses Rami’s face gently with the back of his fingers, sighing contentedly when Rami leans into his touch. Rami kisses the palm of his hand before he smiles at Joe. “Happy early anniversary.”

Joe tugs him up into a kiss, and it’s slow and sweet, as though they have all the time in the world. He almost forgets that they’re in a public bathroom. It’s a wonder no one was walked in on them yet.

“This is a good present,” he says, kissing him in thanks.

“You were being so sweet earlier,” Rami admits, smiling against Joe’s mouth. “I know this isn’t the same as being out or kissing in public, but…”

“Don’t worry, it’s way better,” Joe insists. “I’ll totally keep complaining about our relationship if this is the reward I get.”

Rami laughs, placing a kiss underneath Joe’s ear and then another along his jaw. “You can return the favor the next time we attend an award show together. How about that?”

Joe grins. “I look forward to it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a head's up: I'm really not comfortable writing too much about non-famous family members or friends. Nor am I comfortable researching any private details about actors' lives or residences, so everything written here is entirely fictional. 
> 
> Also, I'm pretty sure _Mr. Robot_ had a premiere launch party, but I can't find any details about it online.

_Mr. Robot Premiere Launch Party, May 2015_

 

They move in together in early 2015.

Joe already owns a house in New York and since that’s where _Mr. Robot_ is being filmed for the foreseeable future, it makes the most sense for Rami to move in with him. Even though it feels ostentatious to have homes on both coasts, Rami decides to keep the house in L.A. that he shares with his brother. Sami owns half the house anyway, but Rami likes the idea of having somewhere to stay whenever he’s back in California. 

He’s spent so much time in California that it feels weird to be moving across the country, and even more so for a job that has the potential to last for years. Sam Esmail has said that he has a finite number of seasons planned for the show if it’s picked up, but Rami is still cautious about getting his hopes up. 

Nevertheless, he and Joe celebrate New Year’s Eve in California with Rami’s family before spending a few days boxing up everything Rami wants to ship out to New York. 

It’s strange moving into someone else’s home. It’s even stranger to see his clothes and toiletries start appearing over the weeks, looking as though they belong there instead of just being set out for a long weekend.

It’s nice, though. 

“It’s a good way to start the new year,” Joe says. He hasn’t been able to stop grinning ever since they arrived back in New York. Not even Rami’s exasperation with his horrible taste in decorating and the subsequent trip to pick out better furnishings has dimmed his delight.

But he can’t fault Joe for his enthusiasm. Rami has felt the same thrill of finally being able to share a home with his boyfriend, of being able to do such monotonous daily tasks as grocery shopping or running errands together. It’s pleasantly domestic in a way Rami didn’t expect to enjoy, and it’s something that he never wants to end.

He knows that they’re only able to live together because they’ve managed to keep their relationship a secret and because neither of them are so well known that they have the media or paparazzi prying into their private affairs. Their close friends and family know they’re dating, and they’ve each dropped hints to some of their more trustworthy colleagues, but it’s not public knowledge. Not yet.

Things will have to change at some point - and Rami expects that change will happen sooner rather than later - but for now it seems to be enough. He’s happy to keep his personal life private if it means he gets to spend time with Joe without worrying that it will pop up in a gossip column or how it’ll be interpreted by the press. He’s seen far too many relationships in their industry buckle under the pressure and demands of being in the public eye.

Not that their relationship has been perfect. They’ve had their highs and lows over the past few years, and it’s been hard doing long distance whenever they work on projects that take them to different parts of the country. The stress of keeping everything quiet has definitely taken its toll as well. While moving in together hasn’t solved all of their problems, it’s at least given them some semblance of stability.

After seven years of dating, Rami doesn’t mind stability. 

He may not be able to hold Joe’s hand in public or kiss him when they’re out on a date, but he still has someone to come home to at the end of the day. He’s able to build a home and a life with someone he loves.

Rami doesn’t even mind that Joe is a bit of a disaster to live with. He’s a chaotic mess on the best of days, and lives like he’s back in college on the worst of days. 

He’ll never admit it out loud, but Rami finds it a little bit endearing.

 

 

The launch party for the first season of _Mr. Robot_ happens in late May.

The network has been heavily promoting the pilot episode, showing it on college campuses so they can gauge interest in the series. Early reviews are positive, and USA decides to drop the pilot onto streaming services before the show’s official TV launch in late June.

Rami spends the day of the launch party overcome with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. The party is mostly for the cast and crew, as well as their guests, along with a handful of critics and industry contacts. It’s more to raise awareness of the show’s existence than anything else. The pilot will be shown so everyone can see the finished product before it airs, but most of the critics have already been sent screeners.

There’s really no need for Rami to be so worried. The most that will come out of the launch party are a few articles describing the night.

Except he can’t stop fidgeting all morning, moving from one room in the house to another in an effort to distract himself. He eventually finds his way to the kitchen where he starts pulling out ingredients from the fridge to prepare a light lunch. He concentrates on putting together a salad, keeping his mind on the task rather than turning over possibilities of how tonight will go or thinking of every worst case scenario.

Rami’s chopping a tomato when Joe wanders in and hops up onto the counter. He kicks his feet against the bottom cabinets as he silently watches Rami. He pulls a face of disgust when he realizes Rami’s making salad, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to steal pieces of tomato from the cutting board, smiling when Rami smacks his hand away each time.

“You’re so tense,” Joe says. Rami doesn’t need to look at him to know Joe’s expression is full of concern. “You need to relax.”

Rami frowns. “I need to keep busy,” he says. 

“Tonight’s gonna be fine. Remember how nervous I was at _The Pacific_ premiere? Everything turned out okay. It’ll be just like that.”

Rami sighs. He continues cutting the tomato before dumping it into a bowl and moving onto dicing a cucumber. He keeps chopping methodically until Joe reaches over to cover his hand, gently prying his fingers from their grip around the knife.

“Rami, you’ve seen a rough cut of the episode so you already know it’s good.”

“It’s not that,” he says slowly. 

_Mr. Robot_ is his big break. His first leading role. Aside from _The Pacific_ , it’s the only time he was cast based on his acting ability instead of entirely on his appearance and ethnicity. If the pilot and first season fail to gain traction with the critics and audience, he knows it may take ages to get another leading role.

“You know what this means for my career,” he continues. “What it means if it fails.”

He hears Joe slip down from the counter. A moment later, he feels Joe’s arms snake around his middle as he rests his chin on Rami’s shoulder.

“I know,” he says softly. “But I also know that you’re unbelievably talented. No one is going to watch the pilot and think otherwise.”

When Rami doesn’t reply, Joe hugs him a little tighter, pulling him back against his chest until Rami relaxes into him. He places a gentle kiss on his neck. “Sam cast you as the lead for a reason. And the network already picked up the show for a full season.”

“You’re right,” he admits. “But I never thought I’d get this type of opportunity. I want it to be perfect.”

“It will be. And no matter what else happens, I want you to know that I’m so proud of you,” Joe says, and his voice is full of such tenderness that Rami can’t help but bite back a pleased smile. “It’s not going to be your only leading role. You’re going to get a lot of offers because of this role. I know you will.”

Rami huffs out a laugh at that, feeling some of his earlier worries start to fade away. “You sound confident,” he teases. 

“I am,” Joe says. He trails his fingers down Rami’s stomach to tug at the belt loop on the waistband of his jeans. “Want to know what else I’m confident about?”

“I have a wild guess,” he says dryly. 

“Let me help you relieve some of that stress you’re carrying around. You’ll be nice and relaxed for tonight.”

Rami turns around in the circle of Joe’s arms and looks up at him with a smirk. “Is that a guarantee?”

Joe’s hands slip down to rest on Rami’s waist, drawing him close. “Of course. Would I lie about that?”

“Probably,” Rami says.

Joe makes a low noise of outrage, and Rami cuts off his attempted reply by leaning forward for a quick kiss. He tangles one of his hands in Joe’s and pulls him toward their bedroom. “Let’s see how good you are at keeping your promise.”

 

 

As it turns out, Joe is _very_ good at keeping his promise. 

Rami attends the launch party relaxed and happy and more than a little smug that he has a boyfriend who spent the better part of an afternoon making sure he had multiple orgasms.

 

 

 

_Undrafted Premiere, July 11, 2016_

 

Joe is in his element at the _Undrafted_ premiere.

Rami watches him flit from person to person, hands gesturing wildly as he rambles at them about his experience working on the film. Joe has worked tirelessly for years to get this movie made and distributed. There were late nights of script rewrites and frustration over editing decisions, as well as the stress of wondering whether or not the movie would ever find a distributor. Rami had been filming on location when Joe had started production, and again when he had been deep in the editing process, but he still remembers all the work Joe put into this pet project of his.

Joe has spent the past few weeks out in L.A. doing press and promoting the film, getting everything ready for tonight’s premiere. He’s been a ball of nervous energy ever since a premiere date was set, eager to get his film out into the world for everyone to see.

Rami is so proud of him.

He wants everyone to know that Joe is _his_ boyfriend. That he’s blessed to be dating someone so brilliant and talented and clever. Someone who went from being a child actor in one of the biggest blockbusters of all time to producing his own films.

He is so utterly and completely besotted, and it’s getting harder and harder to refrain from blurting it out during interviews. He may be notoriously private about his personal life, but there’s a small part of him that just wants to tell the world that he and Joe are dating.

He wants to be able to show up to support one of Joe’s projects without pretending that he’s only there as Joe’s friend. 

“At least you’re here,” Joe says. “You were able to get the time off and that’s enough for me.” 

The second season of _Mr. Robot_ is already deep into production, and Rami was lucky that there was a gap in the shooting schedule that allowed him to hop on a last minute flight out of JFK. Rami is only in California for a few days before he has to return to New York, and even though Joe’s scheduled to return to New York over the weekend his itinerary is packed so full that Rami knows they’ll have barely any time to see each other.

“One of the benefits of being the producer _and_ director is that I can invite anyone I want to the premiere,” Joe adds, grinning.

“I’m honored you deigned to invite me,” Rami says wryly. 

“I’ll be honest, you were almost cut from the invite list. There were so many more important people to invite.”

Rami rolls his eyes, pushing at Joe’s shoulder. Joe invited almost everyone he knows to the premiere. “Why don’t you go mingle with them, then.”

“You’re the only one I want to mingle with,” he says suggestively. He places a hand low on Rami’s back, fingers skirting a bit too low to be appropriate. 

Rami is almost mortified to feel his cock twitch in interest. “Don’t tease.”

“I would never!” Joe says, slapping a hand over in chest in mock affront.

Rami shakes his head, biting back a smile. “Get out of here. I’ll deal with you later.”

Joe grins. “That better be a promise.”

 

 

It’s half past noon when he wakes. 

Rami’s alone in the bed, and when he rests a hand on the sheets beside him they’re cold to the touch. Rami groans and pulls the covers up over his bare shoulders, debating whether or not he can get away with sleeping in for another hour. 

He stretches, feeling deliciously sore, which makes a small smile curl across his lips. He drifts in and out of sleep for awhile longer, hazily remembering bits and pieces from the night before. Joe had been particularly handsy towards the end of the premiere, and he’d fucked Rami hard and fast, fueled on by the energy and adrenaline lingering from the premiere. 

It’s been too long since they’ve fooled around like that. Rami’s pretty sure he’ll be feeling the ache from last night for the next couple days. It sends a fissure of pleasure through him and he idly wonders if he can goad Joe into a repeat performance.

It’s that thought more than anything else that gets Rami up and out of bed. 

He pulls on a pair of gym shorts and one of Joe’s old USC shirts that’s lying on the floor as he ambles out of the bedroom. He putters around in the bathroom for a bit before sleepily going in search of Joe.

Joe has been renting this house for the past month, and while Rami normally stays with Sami when he’s in L.A., he and Joe have spent so little time together recently that he didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. The house is nice, discreet and private, with plenty of large bay windows that allow the sunlight to filter into each room.

He finds Joe in the living room. He’s sprawled out on the sofa, his eyes closed and head tipped back as he soaks up the early afternoon sun. Rami pads over, bending down to press a kiss to his lips. 

“I made you some coffee. Even though it’s almost lunchtime,” Joe says, a thread of amusement in his voice. 

“Shut up,” Rami grumbles around a yawn. “We got in late last night and I flew in yesterday afternoon. I’m allowed to still be tired.”

“Sure, that’s it. It’s definitely not the fact that you’d spend the entire day sleeping if you could get away with it,” Joe teases.

Rami waves a hand in his direction in lieu of a reply. He takes his time drinking his coffee and rifling around in the fridge for something to eat. There’s an unopened container of pre-cut fruit on one of the shelves, and Rami smiles as he pulls it out and starts picking through the berries and melon slices. Joe must have gone out grocery shopping in preparation of his arrival. 

“You bought fruit,” he says when he reenters the living room. 

“It was torture,” Joe deadpans. “I even took a picture for twitter. No one would believe I bought fruit if I didn’t have photographic evidence.”

Rami rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Rude,” Joe says. He doesn’t bother to hide his own grin as he hooks a hand around Rami’s wrist and pulls him down onto the sofa. 

Rami goes willingly, settling himself on top of Joe. He lets out a pleased hum when Joe wraps a loose arm around his waist and angles his head down for a kiss. It lingers on, turning into a series of soft, languid kisses that make Rami relax against Joe’s chest, one hand bunched in the fabric of Joe’s t-shirt. 

When their kisses trail off, Rami curls closer to Joe, resting his head against Joe’s chest and listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. He dozes off at some point, lulled to sleep by the soothing motion of Joe carding a hand through his hair. It’s familiar and comfortable, and he’s secretly happy that no matter how much time they spend apart, they always fall back into their old patterns.

“I’ve missed this,” he murmurs.

Joe presses a kiss to the top of his head. “Me too. I glad you were able to fly out.”

“So am I,” he says. 

He can’t remember the last time they were able to spend a lazy afternoon cuddling on the sofa. It’s one of the pitfalls of their jobs, he knows, but sometimes he really misses having downtime. It’s not often they get even a weekend to themselves.

“We should go away on vacation,” Joe says suddenly.

Rami tilts his head up to look at Joe, thoughtful. Neither of them have had a vacation in years. The closest they’ve gotten is Thanksgiving or Christmas, but those have always been spent with family.

“That sounds nice. Were you thinking of any place in particular?”

“Nowhere tropical. I’ll burn to a crisp,” Joe says, making Rami let out a gust of laughter. He’s quiet for a few moments, stroking a slow hand down the length of Rami’s back. “Paris, maybe? I hear it’s supposed to be romantic.”

“You don’t say,” Rami says, voice dry. 

“Mmm. I hear they have some good food, too. I know how much you’d like that.”

“You just want an excuse to eat your weight in pastries.”

“Guilty,” Joe says. He looks down at Rami, a fond smile flitting across his face as he reaches to brush some of Rami’s hair from his forehead. “What do you think? Want to go on a romantic getaway to Paris with me?”

Rami feels something warm and heavy twist in his gut. He leans up to kiss Joe, whispering a breathless _yes_ against his lips.

 

 

 

_68th Primetime Emmy Awards, September 18, 2016_

 

He still in shock as he’s ushered backstage after he wins.

There’s a horde of reporters waiting to talk to him, and all he can think of is that _he won_. He actually won an Emmy for his first leading role in a television show.

Rami doesn’t remember anything he said in his acceptance speech, and he doesn’t know what he’s saying as he answers questions from the press. He’s flustered and overwhelmed, and he still doesn’t really believe this is happening. The show may have won at the Golden Globes and the Critics’ Choice, but Rami truly had not expected to win tonight.

As thrilling as it is, all he wants to do is go celebrate with the rest of the cast, and then go find his family and Joe. He can feel his phone buzzing with text notifications in his pocket and when he finally escapes the press room, he’s nearing a hundred texts. Most of them are from friends and colleagues, and some are from family members who weren’t able to attend tonight.

He reads the text from Sami first and then the one from Joe. They’re both watching the ceremony together at one of the viewing parties, and Rami know they must be freaking out. He’s secretly glad they’re here tonight. He wants to celebrate with both of them.

 _I’ll see you soon_ , he texts, a separate message to each of them. 

Joe sends him back a string of heart emojis.

 

 

“I’m so proud of you,” Joe says.

They’re in a secluded corner of the ballroom at USA’s afterparty. Rami’s pressed close against Joe’s side as they sit on one of the sofas, Joe’s hand warm where it rests on his thigh. They’re tipsy and giddy, still riding high on Rami’s win. 

“So, _so_ proud.” He rests his forehead against Rami’s, smiling uncontrollably. “I can’t believe my boyfriend won an Emmy.”

“ _Joe_.” 

“You won an Emmy on your first try,” he continues. Joe kisses the underside of his jaw, quick and sloppy. When he draws back, he runs the back of his fingers across Rami’s cheek, his expression tender. “My beautiful, talented boyfriend.”

Rami smiles, biting down on his lower lip. “Stop. Someone might see.”

“I want them to see,” Joe murmurs. 

He takes his phone from his pocket, fumbling a little as he tries to swipe it open. Rami lets him take a few pictures after he gets Joe to promise not to upload any of them online. Once Joe agrees, Rami settles against Joe’s side and leans his head on his shoulder, hoisting the Emmy up so that it makes its way into the picture. 

“They look good,” Joe says afterward, flicking his way through the pictures. He curls a hand around Rami’s waist, fingers ghosting along Rami’s hip.

“They do,” Rami agrees.

He’s already taken countless pictures tonight with his castmates and family, as well as with the multitude of other celebrities who’ve come up to congratulate him. But he knows none of those pictures compare to the ones Joe has taken on his phone. Rami looks indescribably happy in the pictures, bright-eyed and flushed, a wide grin stretched across his face. Joe is staring at him with adoration in every one, looking at him as though he can’t believe how lucky he is to have Rami by his side. 

“We’ve been together for eight years,” Joe whispers. “I’d upload these online in a heartbeat if you’d let me. I want everyone to know how much I love you.”

It makes Rami smile. He gently brushes his fingers against Joe’s and hopes the touch conveys everything he wants to say: _I love you_ and _I’m glad you’re here_ and _I couldn’t have done this without you_.

From the look Joe gives him, affectionate and so full of love, he thinks it does.

 

 

After the excitement of the Emmys dies down, Rami finds that he can’t stop thinking about what Joe said that night.

 _Eight years_. They’ve been together for eight years.

It’s a long time to keep a relationship a secret, and he feels a little guilty that he’s been the driving force in that decision. Joe has agreed to it, of course, and they’re both well aware of how coming out could impact their careers and any future roles. There’s a good reason why they’re both so secretive about their personal life.

But it weighs on him, and it gets to the point that even Joe notices something’s wrong.

“What is it?” he asks. They’re staying in for the night, snuggled up on the sofa. Rami has his legs in Joe’s lap while he flips through a book, and Joe keeps rubbing small circles on his ankle as he watches the baseball game playing on the television. He mutes the game and turns to look at Rami, a brow raised. “You’re obsessing over something. I can tell.”

Rami sighs, closing his book and placing it aside. “I’ve been thinking about what you said at the Emmys.”

“What did I say?” Joe asks, confused. 

“That you wanted everyone to know we were together.” 

Joe laughs and squeezes Rami’s calf. “I was pretty drunk, Rami. I barely remember anything from that night.”

“I know,” he says, mouth ticking up in a short smile. “But I’ve been thinking about it. It’s been eight years. Maybe it’s time.”

Joe is silent for a long moment. When he looks over at Rami, there’s something soft and hopeful in his expression. “You think?”

Rami nods. “Enough people already know. What’s a few more?”

“You know it’ll be more than that.” He lifts Rami’s legs from his lap and then scoots down the length of the sofa to pull Rami close, tucking him against his side. “Are you sure? We’re doing fine. We don’t have to change anything.”

He’s not certain. Not entirely. There’s a small, niggling worry at the back of his mind that this is a bad idea or something that will backfire on them. 

But there’s a larger part of him that just doesn’t care anymore. It’s been eight years. They already share a home. They’ve met each other’s families and have spent their vacations hiding away in discreet hotels halfway across the world. They’ve talked about getting a dog and how to build a future together.

Rami can’t see himself dating anyone else at this point in his life, and he can’t imagine a future where Joe isn’t in his life.

“I’m tired of pretending we’re just friends,” he says. He takes Joe’s hand in his, tracing the lines of his palm and fingers. “I know you are, too. It’s exhausting trying to keep this a secret.”

“We don’t have to do anything right now. We can think it over and take our time,” Joe says, pressing a kiss to Rami’s temple. “And if we really want to do this, we’re going to need to talk to our publicists and agents. They’ll lose their minds if we announce this without any warning.”

“Let’s figure it out soon,” Rami says, smiling slightly.

When Joe kisses him, long and slow and sweet, Rami thinks any potential hassle that may come from their decision will be worth it.

 

 

A week later, Rami gets a call from his agent asking him to meet with Graham King about a Queen biopic and all their tentatively constructed plans come to a screeching halt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick reminder that I'll be avoiding writing anything too detailed about Joe's father in this story. I'm not comfortable crossing that line, so at most it'll be a brief mention.
> 
> Anyway, this fic has spiraled out of control so I now have no idea how many chapters it will have. This chapter is a bit of an emotional roller coaster, so sorry for that, but the plot demanded a little angst!

_Bohemian Rhapsody Casting: Round One, September - November 2016_

 

Rami officially signs onto _Bohemian Rhapsody_ in late October. 

They don’t tell the studio about their relationship. Nor do they make an announcement. Not yet, at least.

Joe knows the movie is a big opportunity for Rami. It’s a career defining role. But he also knows that the press and audiences have always been fickle when it comes to the private lives of celebrities, and studios even more so. The last thing either of them want is studio pushback. Or worse, high level execs messing around with their relationship for PR purposes. 

“We should have dealt with this years ago. It would have been easier,” Rami says. “People would be used to it by now.”

Rami’s on a short break from filming _Papillon_ , home for the weekend before he flies back to Montenegro. He’s been so busy lately, and while Joe’s proud that Rami’s career is starting to flourish, it means he needs to soak up every possible chance to spend time with him. 

Which is why they’re spending the night at home instead of going out to dinner or a bar with friends. Joe’s sprawled out over Rami’s lap, trying not to fall asleep as Rami runs his fingers through his hair. There’s a pile of sticky notes resting on his stomach, and he peels one off and hands it back to Rami, who murmurs a quiet thanks before he sticks it on the page of the Queen biography he’s reading. Joe can hear him scribbling something on the post-it before he turns the page. The book is already littered with several dozen colored post-its sticking out of its pages.

“It would’ve been worse eight years ago,” Joe points out. “You remember how everything was in 2008. It would have hurt your career more than mine.”

Rami sighs. “I know.” 

The frustration and dismay in Rami’s voice pulls at Joe’s heartstrings. He tilts his head back against Rami’s stomach and looks up at him. “Having second thoughts?”

Rami stills, turning wide eyes on Joe. He glances away after a moment, eyes dropping back down to his book while he tries to gather his thoughts. Joe waits him out, swiping the post-its onto the coffee table. He hears Rami snap his book shut and toss it onto the table soon after. Once he’s done, Rami focuses his attention back on Joe, those bright eyes peering down at him intently to gauge his reaction. 

“It’s the movie, isn’t it?” Joe asks, keeping his voice gentle. “It’s making you reconsider telling people.”

Ever since Rami was approached about the biopic, he’s wavered between excited and anxious. From the early discussions Rami’s had with the studio, it sounds like they’re expecting a lot of media attention once the movie comes out. Which is only to be expected, Joe thinks. It’s a biopic about Freddie Mercury and Queen. Of course it’s going to get a lot of media attention.

“Any other movie and it wouldn’t be a problem,” Rami begins hesitantly, “but….”

“It’s your first leading role in a major studio movie,” Joe finishes. He’s not unsympathetic about what this means. He knows there’s a significant difference between a lead in an indie movie and a lead in a big budget studio movie.

“Yeah,” Rami says. “If the movie is a success, it means more publicity, which means less privacy.” 

“And more time spent in the tabloids. More invasive journalists and over-eager fans."

Rami winces, glancing away. While they’ve both always tried to keep their relationship private, Rami’s also become known for being private about everything. With the right journalist or interviewer, he’ll be chatty and forthcoming, but even then there’s not a lot of personal details about his family or relationships out there. 

A movie with a larger media presence means more journalists who want to get the inside scoop. The more private he is, the harder they’ll look for any secrets they think he’s hiding. There’s already been more paparazzi attention ever since his Emmy win, and that’s only going to increase with higher profile projects. 

“There are going to be questions when casting is announced,” Rami says hesitantly. “And there’ll be more questions if people start seeing us together all the time.”

Joe starts to move, intending to get up from his spot in Rami’s lap so they can discuss this face to face, but Rami pushes him back down. Joe stays where he is, bemused. 

“Sorry,” Rami says, somewhat sheepishly. He settles back against the arm of the sofa and slips a hand underneath the collar of Joe’s shirt, fingers stroking along the skin of his collarbone. “I don’t… just stay here, please?”

It takes Joe a minute to get it, and when he does, he smiles. Rami tends to fidget when he’s emotional or uncomfortable, and he’s always used physical touch as a way to keep him grounded and focused. Joe’s happy to provide that support, and he searches for Rami’s free hand, linking their fingers together. 

“They’re going to ask about my sexuality,” Rami says, a thick undercurrent of uneasiness in his voice. Joe squeezes his hand, knowing how hard this is for Rami to discuss. “If I don’t answer, they’ll get suspicious. But I don’t want to lie.” He pauses, then reframes his former statement as, “I _won’t_ lie. I also don’t want to talk about it, if it’s possible.”

“You don’t have to.”

“If I request a ban on questions about it, there are going to be rumors. And if there are suddenly a bunch of pictures of us together, that’s going to cause even more rumors. People are going to look at those and wonder if we’re secretly dating.”

“We are secretly dating," Joe says dryly.

“You know what I mean,” Rami says, sighing. 

“We don’t need to tell anyone anything. It’s none of their business.”

Joe knows that Rami will twist himself up thinking about this. He’s already spent enough sleepless nights wondering how _Bohemian Rhapsody_ will affect his career and whether he can do justice to portraying a rock legend, and the added complication of their relationship hasn’t helped matters.

They’ve been lucky over the past eight years. While there are pictures of them together at official events, they’ve managed to avoid being caught by the paparazzi. They’ve been able to live their lives as they see fit - going out to bars and restaurants, concerts and sports games - without anyone catching on. No fan pictures have surfaced online and no gossip columns have cared enough to report on their activities.

Of the two of them, only Rami has ever been asked about his dating life during an interview, and even then such questions haven’t been frequent. It’s usually from a rare interviewer or magazine who wants a juicy piece of gossip and doesn’t care about respecting boundaries. For all that Rami’s a terrible liar, he’s become well versed in skirting the question and giving neutral, ambiguous answers. 

Joe keeps his gaze on Rami as he says, “It’s not like we knew you were going to get offered this role when we talked about this last month. You only had to worry about _Mr. Robot_ and we both know there’d be no pushback from anyone involved in the show.” 

Most of the cast and crew know, at least. Rami had told Sam fairly early on during the first season, and Christian, Carly, Portia, and Martin had all found out after filming for season one had ended.

It would have been a perfect opportunity. With _Mr. Robot_ as the only mainstream project in Rami’s immediate future, they could have quietly gone public without anyone really caring. At most, there would have been a handful of news articles and some interview requests the first time someone spotted them out together, but it wouldn’t have made headline news or found its way into a gossip column. And Rami certainly wouldn’t have had to worry about his future on the show. Their relationship would’ve become old news by the time Rami was approached for any new projects.

“I’m not worried about losing the role,” Rami says. “I don’t think Graham King would have a problem with us, but I can’t say the same for anyone else.”

He hesitates, and when he doesn’t respond after a few minutes, Joe nudges him lightly. “But?”

"I don’t want anyone using our relationship to promote the movie.” He smiles wryly, his expression a little forlorn. “Someone will find the parallels between me and Freddie and use that to their advantage. It’d be distasteful.”

It’s something Joe hadn’t thought of, but now that Rami has brought it up, he wonders how he didn’t consider it before. He’s spent the better part of his life in the industry, and Joe knows this is the type of PR opportunity that some studio execs would eagerly grasp onto. The more people who know about them, the more chance that someone slips something to the press, whether it’s intentional or not. 

The thought of his and Rami’s relationship being used for PR purposes leaves him feeling dirty. There’s no way he wants that to happen. No actor wants their hard work on a project being overshadowed by their relationship or sexuality. It never ends well.

“I like being private,” Rami continues, “and once people know, that’s all they’re going to want to talk about. I don’t want our relationship to become gossip fodder or the selling point of the movie.”

 _Or the focus of every critic’s review_ , Joe thinks. He pulls a face as he thinks of all the critics who would be only too happy to use their reviews as an excuse to discuss and analyze every aspect of their relationship. 

“We don’t have to change anything,” Joe says. 

Really, he thinks, it might be for the best even if the idea does disappoint him. He wants to be able to freely call Rami his boyfriend, and he tries to tamp down the dismay and frustration and can feel gathering in his chest. _It’s not about your feelings_ , he tells himself, _it’s about Rami’s career._

This is an unexpected setback, but one he’s willing to put up with as long as there’s an end date in sight. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I was tired of pretending you’re not part of my life,” Rami says. He bites down on his lower lip and looks away, his expression conflicted. “But I feel guilty. I promised we’d tell more people and now….”

“Stop feeling guilty,” Joe interrupts. “I told you before that we could take our time. I’ll wait for however long you want.” 

“Even if it takes years?”

“Even then. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” 

Rami’s face softens with affection. “You’re sweet,” he murmurs, but the pleased note in his voice gives him away.

“Only for you,” Joe says.

He grabs Rami’s shirt and uses it to pull him down for a kiss, keeping it soft and slow until he feels Rami relax. When they part, he brushes the back of his hand along Rami’s cheek, smiling when Rami sways into the touch.

“We don’t have to figure anything out now,” he adds. “We have two years until the movie comes out. There’s time.”

“You’re right,” Rami agrees, relief rolling off him in waves. “We can continue to keep everything private. Maybe a little more private than before, just to be safe. Less time out in public together, no more visiting me on set, that type of thing.”

“Right,” Joe says, a little unsure. He’s not entirely certain he likes Rami’s definition of “a little more private”, but he’s not sure he wants to question it. The outcome is only bound to disappoint him.

Instead, he shifts his position from Rami’s lap, moving so that he’s leaning back against Rami’s chest instead. Rami dutifully wraps his arms around Joe’s waist, leaning his chin on Joe’s shoulder. 

“Thank you for putting up with me,” Rami says. He presses a kiss underneath Joe’s ear with a sigh. “I know I get lost in my anxiety sometimes.”

“That’s why I’m here to help pull you out of it,” Joe says. He twists around so he can capture Rami’s lips in a kiss. “Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it together.”

 

 

A few days after the studio announces Rami’s been cast in _Bohemian Rhapsody_ , one of the better known gossip sites posts pictures of Joe and Rami having lunch together. By midday, several other online outlets have also posted the pictures.

Joe clicks through a few of the pictures. There’s nothing telling in any of them, just innocuous shots of the two of them leaving the restaurant. He’s bothered by the pictures, of course, but it isn’t until he reads the caption on all of them that his irritation skyrockets: _Rami Malek and friend enjoying lunch in New York City._

“And friend!” Joe quotes, outraged. He knows he should be more annoyed by the invasion of privacy, but he can’t help the irrational sting of displeasure.

Rami’s already back on the set of _Papillon_ , and Joe was lucky enough to catch him on FaceTime before he left for a late night shoot. Maybe it’s the late hour or the fact that Rami’s been more relaxed ever since he and Joe talked about their plans, but he’s taking the news far better than Joe. Or perhaps it’s that the pictures didn’t even hint at the fact that they could be anything other than friends, so there’s no potential scandal to worry about.

“They’re not exactly wrong,” Rami says. “At least they don’t know we’re dating. Isn’t this what we wanted?”

“That’s not the point,” Joe huffs. There’s a sharp tug of irritation over the fact that he’s viewed as “just a friend”, and he realizes too late that it’s slipped into his tone. Before Rami can comment on it, he says, “Don’t they know I was the kid in _Jurassic Park_?” 

“Maybe you should remind them. Write a strongly worded letter,” Rami suggests. His nose scrunches up in thought as he adds, “Or an email. Whatever it is people do these days.”

“Or maybe I should just change my name to ‘And Friend’. Everyone can start referring to me as ‘And Friend Mazzello’.”

Rami lets out a snort of laughter. “I like it. Rolls right off the tongue.”

Ten minutes after Joe hangs up, Rami texts him a picture showing that he’s changed Joe’s contact information in his phone to ‘And Friend Mazzello’.

 _I hate you_ , he texts back. He makes sure to include a long string of emojis, purely because he knows how much it will annoy Rami.

 

 

The paparazzi pictures bother Joe more than he lets on. It’s easy to joke about them with Rami, to come up with absurd commentary or act like he doesn’t give them more than a moment’s thought.

But once he has a minute to himself, he can’t help but worry. 

_Rami Malek and friend._

The phrase rings around his head for days after the pictures pop up. It causes a small sliver of insecurity to unfurl inside him. Joe knows that “and friend” is the paparazzi declaring he’s no one important, and he presumes that even if he and Rami were publicly dating, he’d still be relegated to an “and friend” title. 

It hits him then that this is going to be their life for the next two years, and Joe’s beginning to realize that he doesn’t like it. He feels guilty for assuring Rami that he was okay with their decision to stay private, to pretend to just be friends, when he’s so clearly not okay with it.

Joe can somewhat deal with the paparazzi pictures and gossip sites, but then one of the better known magazines releases a list of “most sought after Hollywood bachelors”. Rami’s on the list, of course. He’s been showing up on so many random celebrity lists ever since _Mr. Robot_ premiered, and even more since his Emmy win. The article talks about who they’d like to see Rami dating, even going as far as cheekily suggesting prospective partners of both genders. Every single option is someone who is more attractive, talented, and famous than Joe.

He knows it’s mindless gossip and speculation, but it doesn’t stop that trickle of doubt from lingering until it grows into something ugly and all-consuming.

Joe’s always known that Rami is meant for great things. He’s talented and hardworking and deserves every amazing opportunity that comes his way. Joe is unbelievably proud of him.

But the more Rami’s career spirals to new heights, the more Joe wonders why Rami is still with him. He finds himself burdened with thoughts of _are you sure you’re enough?_ and _what can you possibly offer him?_ and _maybe he doesn’t want to be in the spotlight with someone like you_.

He knows Rami loves him, but Joe worries about being left behind, that one day Rami will wake up and decide he can do better than a needy, insecure redhead whose career hit its peak when he was a child. Joe can live with his own career fading away, but he can’t live with the thought of their relationship being dragged through the mud by gossip columns. 

Joe doesn’t want to see articles or websites discussing how Rami would be better suited to dating some A-lister, how someone like Joe isn’t good enough for someone like Rami. He doesn’t think he could bear the humiliation and pain.

The worry festers for weeks on end. His mother notices something is wrong during Thanksgiving, but she doesn’t say anything. She watches him and Rami carefully, but Rami is so blissfully unaware of the insecurities Joe keeps buried deep, chatting with Joe’s brother and sister over dinner as though nothing is amiss.

Or at least Joe assumes he’s unaware.

Two weeks into December, Rami drags him out of the house under the guise of shopping for holiday presents. Joe’s quiet on the trip into the city, lost in his thoughts. He lets Rami drag him from store to store, and it isn’t until they’re leaving a bookstore that Rami sighs and glances at him.

“What’s wrong, Joe?”

Joe shoves his hands in the pockets of his coat, digging around for his gloves. “Nothing.”

Rami carefully pulls on a beanie and wraps a scarf around his throat, slouching down into his coat as they head down the street. “Something’s wrong. You’ve been moping for weeks.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Joe replies, and there’s a bite to his voice that makes Rami look at him in surprise. Joe feels immediately guilty. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m being stupid.”

He wants to reach out and take Rami’s hand, to tangle their fingers together and stroll down the street like a normal couple. The fact that he can’t makes him miserable and some of that emotion must show on his face because it makes Rami frown.

“What is it?” he asks, worried.

Joe looks around the busy streets, people rushing from shops with bags hanging off their arms, their cheeks flushed from the cold. No one’s paying them any attention, but he still doesn’t want to have this conversation on a crowded city street where anyone could overhear. “I’ll tell you when we get home,” he says.

Rami studies his face, then nods. “Come on.”

He wraps his hand around Joe’s arm and steers him down the street, their shopping bags bumping into their legs. Rami eventually pauses in front of a tiny coffee shop a few blocks away. He hands his bags to Joe before popping inside, coming out a few minutes later with two cups. 

“It’s cold,” he says when Joe gives him a questioning look, “and I wanted some tea.”

Joe hides a small smile behind his cup, and follows Rami as he leads them down a couple side streets. They come to a stop at a small park overlooking the water. It’s a quaint hidden pocket of the city, a stretch of trees and bushes surrounded by a meandering, sloped walkways and wooden benches placed along the waterfront.

“I don’t want to wait to talk about what’s bothering you,” Rami says, clambering up to sit on one of the benches. He leans back, hands curled around his cup of tea, and pointedly looks at Joe until he gives in and sits beside him. “No one will bother us here.”

Joe gingerly sits beside him, placing their shopping bags between his feet. He takes a moment to rearrange them, using it as an opportunity to gather his thoughts. He knows Rami deserves to hear what’s been troubling Joe, but he can’t bring himself to speak. All the words he wants to say stay lodged in his throat. 

“Is this about the movie?” Rami asks. It’s such a callback to their original conversation that Joe winces.

“Kind of,” he admits. He picks at the cardboard sleeve around his cup nervously. “I just… are you happy with this? I mean, with me? Would it be easier for you if we weren’t…. you know.”

It all comes out in such a rush that it takes Rami a minute to pick through Joe’s mumbled confession. When he does, there’s something akin to panic on his face.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“What? No!” Joe insists. “No, of course not. Not unless you wanted to.”

Rami sends him a sidelong glance, unamused and a little annoyed. “Is there a reason why you think I’d want to break up?”

The line of his shoulders is tense and it makes Joe feel horrible. He’s making a mess of this.

“I keep wondering if things would be easier for you if I wasn’t in the way,” he says. He lets out a long breath, staring out at the water. “If it wouldn’t be better for you to be with someone who won’t hold back your career.”

“Hold back my career,” Rami repeats, his voice flat.

There’s a long stretch of silence. Joe still can’t bring himself to look at Rami, but the longer they go without speaking, the more nervous he feels. Finally, he says, “This movie is going to change your life. You’re going to do great things. I know you will. But I don’t want our relationship getting in the way of your career. I’d never forgive myself if that happened.”

Rami looks stricken. “Have you felt this way the entire time we’ve been dating?”

“No,” Joe assures him. “You’ve never done anything to make me feel this way. You really haven’t, I promise. I’ve just realized that us dating is going to make things harder for you now that you’re getting all these new opportunities. You should be with someone who can help your career, someone more on your level.”

Rami stares at him as though he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Don’t be ridiculous.” 

Joe shrugs. “You wouldn’t have been so nervous about signing onto the Queen biopic if we weren’t dating. I know it’s caused problems. You said as much. We talked about it.”

“We talked about maintaining our privacy and not letting the studio manipulate us for PR,” Rami says slowly. “None of that is because I’m _ashamed_ of you.”

He spits the word out like it’s something dirty, and Joe doesn’t need to look at him to know how upset he is at the moment. “How could you think that?”

“You suggested being more private than we already are.” The words slip out, louder and more frustrated than Joe intends. He hunches his shoulders unhappily, staring down at his shoes. “You wanted us to stop going out in public. We rarely go out together as it is. And you wanted to end that all together.”

He hears Rami let out a surprised breath. “You said you were okay with it.”

“I wasn’t lying,” Joe says. “But I didn’t realize how unhappy I was with the idea until those paparazzi pictures came out. It’s been _eight years_ , Rami. I was so excited when you said you wanted to tell people, but then the studio reached out and all of that went away. And I get why, I do, but… I’m tired. I want to tell more people. I want to be able to go out together and not have to spend the entire time forcing myself not to touch you.”

Rami shifts closer to him, pressing up against his side, and his presence is a small comfort. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Joe clears his throat, shivering a bit when a gust of winter wind passes them by. “It’s not about me. This movie is important to your career. I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

“So you would’ve just made yourself miserable for two years?” Rami asks.

“Look, it’s selfish. I know it is,” he says. “You’re winning awards and getting offered amazing roles and I’m here worrying about where I fit into your life. But I—”

“Joe, stop,” Rami interrupts. 

Joe stops talking. He darts a glance at Rami, who meets his gaze with a small, sad frown. 

“It’s not selfish,” Rami says. “If anyone’s been selfish, it’s me.”

“You haven’t been,” Joe protests. 

“I’ve asked you to keep our relationship private for eight years. And now I’m asking you to do it for another two years. All for the sake of my career.” 

“You’re not being selfish either,” Joe says. When Rami tries to disagree, Joe shushes him with a shake of his head. “You’re not. I understand why you want to be private. I know there are people who’d never think twice about casting you if they knew about us.”

Rami looks up at Joe, his gaze earnest and pleading when he says, “My career isn’t more important than our relationship. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like it was.”

“You didn’t,” Joe says. “I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, that’s all. I like being private, too. I don’t really want anyone poking their noses into our business. But I also know we’ll be miserable if we spend the next two years scared to go out in public in case someone sees us together.”

“So what do we do?” Rami asks. 

“I don’t know.” The words taste like ash on his tongue, and they sound brittle and forced.

They’re both quiet for awhile after that. Joe knows that they needed to have this conversation, but he hates that it’s left him feeling so hollowed out. They’ve argued before, but never about anything this intense. Never about anything that would seriously impact and alter their relationship.

“I love you, you know that, right?” Rami says eventually, breaking the awkward silence that’s fallen between them. When Joe nods, he continues, “You’re all I want. You _are_ on my level. You’re not standing in my way and you’re not holding back my career. I need you. Now more than ever. You’re talented and kind and gorgeous. I don’t want to date anyone else.”

“I don’t want to either,” Joe says. Even the thought of dating anyone else makes him feel morose and sick to his stomach. 

“I’m not going to let us throw away eight years over one movie,” Rami says. 

He reaches over to twine their gloved fingers together, tucking them out of sight and into the space between their legs. It’s a small gesture of reassurance and support, but one Joe appreciates.

“We’ll figure out a compromise before filming starts,” Rami states, and he sounds so determined that Joe can’t help but believe him. “I promise. I’ll fix this.”

 

 

 

_74th Golden Globe Awards, January 8, 2017_

 

They invite a few dozen friends over to celebrate New Year’s Eve. 

Rami’s the one who suggests throwing a party. Partially, Joe thinks, because Rami genuinely enjoys hosting parties but also because everyone who’s invited knows they’re dating. It’s his version of an apology, even though Joe doesn’t think he has anything to apologize for. 

It’s nice, though. Joe can wrap his arm around Rami’s waist or pull him into a kiss and no one around them cares. 

Their relationship has been slightly strained for the past two weeks. Sami is the only one who has noticed something’s wrong, but Joe assumes that’s only because Sami always knows when something is troubling Rami. Either that, or Rami said something when they were out in L.A. during December.

Joe expected some tension after his outburst, but he still doesn’t know how to fix this chasm between them. They haven’t talked about their relationship since their trip into the city, and Joe doesn’t want to begin 2017 without coming to some type of resolution. It’s only going to get worse the longer they put it off. 

He tries not to let it bother him, especially not tonight when they’re supposed to be celebrating the end of 2016. Despite the trials and tribulations of the past months, 2017 has been good to both of them. 

“We’ve had a good year, haven’t we?” Joe asks.

They’re in the kitchen, fishing around in the cabinets for some extra bags of chips and salsa. They ordered catering for the party, but Rami wanted to have additional snacks on hand in case they ran out of food. Which they apparently have since Rami is resorting to store bought snacks instead of whatever fancy appetizers he ordered for tonight.

“We have,” Rami says, opening a bag of tortilla chips and pouring them into a bowl. He smiles at Joe and slides the bowl over to him. “I hope 2017 will be even better.”

Joe hums in agreement, leaning across the kitchen island to scoop a few chips from the bowl. He crunches on them as he watches Rami scoop the salsa into a bowl, his face screwed up in concentration. He lets his mind drift, distracted by the noise from the party filtering down the hallway. The clock is ticking closer to midnight, and everyone is getting rowdier with each passing hour. 

“I think I figured out a compromise,” Rami says suddenly.

Joe starts in surprise and it takes him a minute to figure out what Rami is talking about. “Yeah?” he says, trying to keep his voice even.

Rami nods. He puts down the salsa jar and wipes his hand on a towel before stepping close to Joe and looping his hands around Joe’s neck. Joe leans into him, accepting the gentle kiss Rami places against his lips.

“You gonna tell me what this compromise is?” he asks.

“We can discuss it tomorrow,” Rami says. At Joe’s raised eyebrow, he smiles and tips his head back far enough that he can meet his eyes. “It’s not a conversation we need to have right now. Not when we have about thirty guests who’ll be wondering where we got off to.”

“Then why bring it up?”

“I didn’t want to end 2016 on a bad note. I want us to go into the new year with a clean slate,” Rami says, sounding unsure. 

Joe laughs, and it’s a quiet, relieved sound that he feels deep in his bones. “Okay,” he agrees. “We can talk tomorrow.”

“We’re going to be fine,” Rami says. 

Joe leans his forehead against Rami’s, content to have this little intimate pocket of privacy for the time being. Later, when Rami drags him into a quick, sloppy kiss at midnight, his cheeks flushed from alcohol and his expression relaxed and happy, Joe knows without a doubt in his mind that they truly are going to be fine.

 

 

True to his word, Rami decides the next morning is the perfect time to have a conversation about their relationship. Joe would rather spend the day in bed trying to sleep off his hangover, but Rami insists that they need to start 2017 by doing something productive. 

“Come on, Joe, get out of bed,” Rami says, pulling at the bedsheets.

Joe yelps as the cold air hits his skin and he scrambles to try and pull the covers back over his body. When he cracks open an eye, he sees that Rami is already dressed and ready to go. He blearily glances at the clock on the bedside table and groans when he sees the bright red 9:35 A.M. staring back at him.

“How are you even awake?” Joe asks, flopping over onto his stomach and pressing his face into the pillow. “You usually sleep until three in the afternoon.”

“We have plans,” he says simply. He turns on his heel to leave the bedroom, calling over his shoulder that he expects Joe up and ready in twenty minutes. “We have brunch reservations!”

Which is how Joe finds himself tromping through the snow and crowds of hungover New Year’s revelers just so they can make their way down to the Lower East Side. He’s dressed in his winter boots and a jacket, with a warm sweater thrown on underneath. He looks like a mess next to Rami, who’s taken the time to actually dress up and tame his hair. They must look ridiculous together: Joe in his puffy goose down jacket and Rami in a fashionable wool and cashmere peacoat.

“Why’d we need to go out to have this conversation?” he asks, grunting as he skirts around a group of stumbling, still drunk college kids. “Couldn’t we have stayed at home?”

“I don’t want to put this off any longer. You’d have spent the day sleeping off that hangover,” Rami says, shooting him a knowing glance. Joe’s a little reluctant to admit he’s right. He misses his twenties, when he could drink without worrying about a hangover. Ever since he hit thirty, his hangovers have lasted all day. It’s awful.

When they reach the restaurant, Joe immediately orders a coffee and a Bloody Mary. Rami looks at him curiously as he orders his own black coffee.

“Hair of the dog,” Joe explains, grinning at Rami. 

Rami rolls his eyes and removes his coat, hanging it on the back of the chair. Rami has booked them a table in a small, secluded corner, far away from prying eyes and ears. 

“You shouldn’t have had that much to drink last night,” he says. 

Joe waves a lazy hand at him and studies the menu. When the waiter comes back he orders the fried burrata and truffle egg fondue as appetizers and a stack of mascarpone stuffed french toast as his entree.

Rami orders the yogurt and egg crostinis and then peers at Joe over the menu. “You’re going to make yourself sick,” he warns.

“It’ll be worth.” Joe says, shrugging. If he has to be out and about this early after a night of drinking, he’s at least going to enjoy it. He can deal with his stomach revolting against him later. 

They chat lightly about nothing in particular while they wait for their food to arrive. Rami knows Joe well enough that he won’t start a serious discussion while Joe’s running on an empty stomach. He waits long enough for Joe’s appetizers to arrive before he even broaches the reason for this trip into the city.

“So. About what I said last night.”

“You said you had a compromise,” Joe says. He dips one of the brioche breadsticks in the fondue, swirling it around to cover it in cheese.

“I was wrong to ask you to be more private,” Rami begins, and when Joe looks over at him, Rami’s nervously twisting a napkin between his fingers. “I was worried about how everything would affect my career.”

“Rami, we already talked about this,” Joe says. “You don’t have to be sorry about that. I understand.”

“I still want to apologize.”

Joe feels a swell of affection for him, and he stretches his foot out underneath the table to hook around Rami’s ankle. “If it makes you feel better,” he says.

“It does.” Rami pokes his spoon at his yogurt and fruit, digging around for some blueberries before he says, “I was thinking that I’d tell the cast and crew. You can come visit me on set at some point as well.”

Joe frowns for a moment. “So you don’t want to keep it from them?”

Rami shakes his head. He sets his spoon down and pushes the almost empty bowl of fruit and yogurt away from him. Joe takes a moment to scoop up the few remaining strawberries, shoveling them onto his own plate.

“Okay,” Joe says slowly. “I have no problem with that.”

“I figured you wouldn’t,” Rami says, flashing him a small smile. “I’m not going to make an announcement or anything, but I want to introduce you as my boyfriend.”

There’s a hint of hesitancy in his words, and it strikes Joe just how rare it is for either of them to use that term. The consequence of having to keep private, he supposes. Still, he likes hearing it, and it calms the small swirl of insecurity that still resides within him.

“Also,” Rami continues, “we should let everyone else assume whatever they want. It’s what we’ve been doing all along, and it’s worked out fine.”

“Yeah?” he asks. He feels the hope winding through him, and he tries to squash the feeling before it consumes him. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up just yet.

“We don’t need to change what we’re doing. We’ve always stayed out of the spotlight,” Rami states, “and we’ll continue doing that. No extra privacy measures. No forcing ourselves to hide away.”

Joe thinks it over as he works through his french toast. It’s not a perfect plan, and it’s not that much different than what they’ve been doing for the past eight years. But it’s a step forward. Rami telling the cast and crew is more than he’s done for any previous movies he’s worked on. 

“And if someone starts sniffing around?” Joe asks.

“The paparazzi aren’t even aware we’re dating. If they were, those pictures last month would have been a lot more incriminating. Even if anyone here took a picture of us, it wouldn’t prove anything.”

Joe pauses and looks around the restaurant. He’s pretty sure someone has at least recognized Rami, but it’s not like his presence has caused a scene. Most people seem more concerned with easing their hangovers to pay them any attention.

“You’re not suggesting actually going public, are you?” Joe asks.

“No, not yet,” Rami says apologetically. “But I realized most non-industry people aren’t going to see us hanging out and assume we’re dating.”

Joe sets his fork down and stares at Rami in confusion. While what he says is true, it’s also completely opposite every fear Rami has ever voiced on the subject.

“ _You_ realized this?” he asks in disbelief. “How long did that take? You were so convinced that anyone who saw us together would immediately know we’re dating.”

To his surprise, Rami looks sheepish. “It was actually Sami,” he says. “He told me I was being an idiot.”

“Did he?” Joe asks, trying to suppress a laugh. It’s apparently not successful if the glare Rami shoots him is anything to go by. “I’ll have to send him a gift basket, then.”

Rami groans. “Please don’t. He’s never going to let me live this down.”

“I’ll send him three gift baskets in that case,” Joe says. 

“Shut up,” Rami says. He picks up one of the crostinis, biting into it delicately. “Sami said I tend to be, uh…. flirty with everyone.” He keeps his eyes on his plate, mouth set in a thin line. Joe realizes with dawning amusement that Rami is embarrassed by the conversation he had with his brother. “And I guess he believes that because I’m affectionate with everyone else that no one would think anything suspicious if they saw me with you.”

“Wow,” Joe says thoughtfully, “He’s kind of right.”

Rami sighs. “I can’t believe he called me out like that.”

“I’m sure he’s used to it,” Joe jokes. “He’s definitely the smarter twin. Maybe I should be dating him instead.”

Rami kicks him underneath the table. “Be nice,” he warns, but there’s a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. 

Joe smiles to himself as he cuts into the second slice of his french toast. This conversation is going better than he thought it would.

“So, that’s your compromise? No more worrying about what the paparazzi thinks? Letting the cast know we’re dating?”

“Yes,” Rami says firmly. “And it’s only until the press tour. After that ends, we can do whatever you want.”

Joe swallows down a rush of emotion. The fact that Rami doesn’t expect them to hide away anymore, that he’s stopped caring about what anyone thinks even if it costs him future roles, means more than words can say. Joe knows that it still means no public displays of affection and no red carpet dates, but it’s enough for now.

“You promise?” Joe murmurs. 

Rami looks at him, his expression soft and fond. “I promise.”

 

 

Rami ends up taking his cousin as his date to the Golden Globes. Joe doesn’t mind. He knows how important Rami’s family is to him, and he knows how much Rami loves showing them off. It helps knowing that one day he’ll be the one accompanying Rami on the red carpet.

So he settles on the sofa for the night with a bowl of snacks and watches the show as it airs. He and Sami end up texting each other live updates and commentary, both of them good-naturedly complaining about how Rami ditched them for the night. Joe believes Rami will win. Sami is less optimistic.

Rami doesn’t win, and when he stumbles home hours later, the first thing Joe does is pull him into a kiss.

“I’m proud of you anyway,” he says, “even though you should have won.”

“You’re biased,” Rami says, lips quirking.

“I am totally and completely unbiased about this,” Joe deadpans.

He guides Rami into the bedroom and plops down on the bed, watching as Rami starts taking off his suit. 

“Tonight would have been the perfect night to take me as your date, you know,” Joe says.

“Oh?” Rami says, toeing off his shoes. 

“Apparently Andrew Garfield and Ryan Reynolds shared a kiss on camera during the ceremony.”

Rami laughs. “I heard. What does that have to do with us?”

“Your brother sent me a video and asked why we haven’t done anything like that.” Joe leans back on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows. “I think he knows how much I like grand gestures. We’d totally outdo them, by the way.”

Rami snorts and steps over to the mirror to undo his bowtie. Joe pushes himself off the bed and comes up behind him, resting his chin on Rami’s shoulder. 

“I want you to know that once we become “official” I expect a lot of extravagant public dates,” he teases. “You better take me as your date to every award show.”

“Is that right?” Rami asks, smiling at their reflection.

Now that they’ve settled their issues and actually had a discussion about how their relationship is going to play out in the public eye, Joe feels more at ease teasing Rami about it. He’ll never actually go in for a big, public gesture, but it’s fun to try and get Rami all worked up.

“You’re gonna need to wine and dine me. That includes a lot of PDA. Forget privacy because I want pictures of us kissing all over New York. I’m going to kiss you senseless on every red carpet.”

Rami rolls his eyes, but his expression is fond. He finishes untying his bowtie, and slips it from his collar so he can hang it over the top of the mirror. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“As if you’d ever regret dating me. I’m delightful,” Joe says, and then, his tone sly, he asks, “You sure you don’t want to make some grand gesture when we come out? Because I have plenty of ideas.” 

Rami huffs out a laugh, leaning back against Joe. Joe gets a whiff of his cologne, something pleasantly spicy and heady. “I’m sure you do.”

“We could conveniently get caught making out in a bar,” Joe suggests, ticking suggestions off on his fingers. “Or do a dramatic social media reveal. We could upload some pictures from the holidays. I think there’s a good one of us kissing on New Year’s. Or we could wait for our anniversary next month and take some suggestive photos.” 

He pats his pockets for his phone. He makes a triumphant noise when he finds it in the back pocket of his jeans and he waves it in Rami’s face. Rami eyes it warily.

“You know I hate social media,” Rami says.

“You never used to hate it,” Joe complains. “ _Mr. Robot_ has made you paranoid. You don’t appreciate the emojis and memes I send you anymore.”

“Sorry to make you suffer,” Rami says dryly. He swipes the phone from Joe’s hand and tosses it onto the bed where it’s safely out of reach. Joe lets out a dismayed noise, but he’s too lazy to actually move and reclaim it.

“Fine, fine. Way to ruin all my fun.” 

“I never said no to the pictures. Just don’t post them online.”

“Noted,” Joe says, filing that tidbit away for later. “So if social media is off the table, how about you bring me as your date to the premiere? That’ll get everyone’s attention.”

Rami laughs and turns around, curling his hands around Joe’s waist. “You just want to meet Queen.”

“Obviously. Who wouldn’t?” Joe says. 

“If that’s the only reason, I’ll be sure to get you an invite.”

“Good,” Joe says. He ducks his head so he can place a soft kiss on the corner of Rami’s mouth. “Because I have plans for that red carpet.”

“Oh, do you?” Rami teases. He presses close against Joe until there’s barely any space between them. “Want to tell me what they are?”

Joe smirks and shakes his head. “It’s a surprise. But it’s so romantic that you’re going to swoon.”

“I don’t swoon,” Rami says. “But I bet I can make you swoon.”

“I bet you could,” Joe agrees. He leans in to nip at Rami’s jaw, smiling at Rami’s sudden sharp gasp. “Just wear a tux and I’m ready to fall at your feet.”

Something surprised flashing across Rami's face. Even after all these years together, he’s still amazed whenever someone compliments his appearance.

Joe smiles, pushing Rami’s white suit jacket from his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. “I’d swoon at the sight of you dressed in a tux like this,” he murmurs. “Do you have any idea how handsome you look?”

Joe strips off his t-shirt, feeling pleased when he notices the way Rami’s eyes grow dark. Rami’s hands come up to stroke his pecs, his hands warm against Joe’s skin.

“Rami,” Joe says, his voice barely a whisper, “I think you should take me to bed.”

Rami doesn’t hesitate, pushing him down on the bed and crawling on top of him. “Whatever you want,” he says between kisses.

Afterwards, once Rami has fucked him long and slow, drawing it out until Joe begged for release, Joe curls around Rami and presses a kiss on the nape of his neck. “Maybe I shouldn’t go to the premiere with you after all,” he says.

Rami make a low questioning noise, already on his way to falling asleep. “Why’s that?”

“Because,” Joe says, slipping a hand around Rami’s waist to draw him back against his chest, “I’ll want to pull you into the nearest closet and take off all your clothes.”

Rami lets out a bark of laughter. He turns around in the circle of Joe’s arms and tucks his head under Joe’s chin. “I’m going to remember that,” Rami says. “It might come in useful one day.”

 

 

 

_Bohemian Rhapsody Casting: Round Two, February - May 2017_

 

They spend their nine year anniversary in the Adirondacks. Neither of them ski, but it’s still enjoyable spending a long winter weekend holed up in a luxurious lodge, cuddling under blankets or relaxing in the hot tub. Joe spends hours fucking Rami on the carpet in front of the fireplace, as though they’re in some cheap romance novel.

As wonderful as it is to get away from the rest of the world for a little bit, real life soon intervenes and Rami starts flying back and forth between London, New York, and L.A. as he prepares for _Bohemian Rhapsody_. They still haven’t cast anyone else in the movie, and the last Joe heard, the writers were still finishing the script. 

Pre-production is scheduled to begin in July, but Rami buries himself deep into research anyway. It takes Joe awhile to get used to the way some of Freddie’s mannerisms and verbal tics slip into Rami’s daily life. By early March, Rami already has a piano teacher booked and is in the midst of searching for a dialect coach.

He ends up spending so much time in London that it eventually gets to the point where Joe convinces him to find an apartment there.

“Just rent a place,” Joe says. “Better now than later. You’re going to have to find somewhere to live when you start filming anyway.”

Joe intends to fly out and help Rami search for an apartment, but something with his dad comes up and keeps him in New York. He still sends Rami whatever listings he can find online.

The apartment Rami settles on is sleek and modern without being stifling, all hardwood floors and minimalist decor. He shows it off to Joe via FaceTime, pink-cheeked with excitement as he fills Joe in on everything: the apartment, his training regimen, the movement coach he’s hired. 

Joe isn’t exactly lonely while Rami’s in London - he has plenty of things to keep himself occupied - but he does miss Rami something fierce. It doesn’t really hit him until he goes on a grocery run and finds himself picking up the brand of coffee Rami likes before realizing that Rami won’t be around to drink it for the better part of a year.

It makes Joe worry that he’s becoming a little too codependent, something he’s been wary of ever since his bout of insecurity at the end of the previous year. He knows he has some issues he needs to work through, that he needs to trust Rami and not worry that he’s going to leave him for someone else. This next year is going to be a true test of their relationship.

Even so, Joe doesn’t like waking up each morning alone in their bed, knowing that Rami’s on the other side of the world. He misses Rami’s presence in their home, and Joe finds himself digging out one of Rami’s old hoodies and wearing it around the house until Rami’s scent fades from the fabric. 

They FaceTime several times a week, and hearing Rami’s voice helps ease the ache, especially when it becomes clear that Rami misses him just as much. Joe texts him non-stop, and even though Rami rarely responds, he knows that his messages are at least being read. Rami has always been bad at returning texts. Joe’s gotten used to it over the years, but it doesn’t stop him from sending multiple messages a day.

 _I’m wasting away without you_ , he sends one week, followed by a string of emojis he knows will annoy Rami. When he’s feeling especially obnoxious, he’ll send random emojis and leave it to Rami to try and figure out what he means.

 _I’m seriously thinking about getting a dog_ , Joe sends another week, adding half a dozen screenshots of adoption listings at the shelter. Rami replies to that message with nothing more than a quick reply of, _I like the third one. It’s the same color as your hair._

Sometimes Joe just sends random photographs he takes throughout the day. Sometimes it’s whatever pops into his head, even if it’s nothing more than _ate lunch at that taco place on 82nd_ or _watched a new movie that I think you’d like_ or _saw my parents today, they said to say hi._

In his more maudlin moments, he considers flying out to London to stay with Rami. He doesn’t have any work lined up and the screenplay he’s working on has hit a dead end. Joe’s starting to get restless and bored, which is never a good sign.

So it seems like an act of fate when his agent calls in mid-April with news about an audition. 

Until he learns that the audition is for _Bohemian Rhapsody_.

 

 

His agent is cautiously optimistic when she reaches out about the audition, letting him know that he’s got a great shot of landing the role. 

“The studio only knows you’ve worked with Rami on _The Pacific_ ,” she tells him. “They don’t know anything else about your relationship.”

“Rami doesn’t know?” Joe asks.

“No,” she replies. “No one else knows.”

That quells some of his uncertainty. When he received the call there was a moment where he worried that Rami had recommended him, and as much as Joe loves Rami, he doesn’t want any favors thrown his way. Knowing the studio wants to him audition on the basis of his own merits is validating in a way he didn’t expect.

Joe throws himself into research, combing through the Queen biographies Rami had left behind in their house. He studies every John Deacon interview he can get his hands on until he has a handle on the accent, and then he spends days practicing it, making sure he has every nuance and pronunciation perfect.

The research turns out to be the easy part, but keeping his audition a secret is anything but simple. He’s been asked not to tell anyone about his audition, and apparently that includes hiding it from Rami, which makes Joe worry that Rami will be upset when he finds out. They’ve never really talked about working together again, or whether to keep their professional and personal lives separate.

It’s something he keeps in the back of his mind as he sends in his audition tape. But there’s also a trickle of excitement when he thinks about the prospect of filming another project with Rami, about being on set with Rami every single day for the next six months, and then again during the press tour. 

It’ll mean having another conversation about their relationship, but Joe’s positive this one won’t be nearly as upsetting. It might, in fact, be easier.

 

 

Joe doesn’t hear anything from the studio by the time Rami’s birthday rolls around in mid-May. He’s had a meeting with Graham King, and while he should be hearing back in the next few days, Joe had hoped to know sooner rather than later. He wanted to surprise Rami with the news. In the end, he has nothing new to report when Rami flies back to New York for his birthday. 

Rami spends his actual birthday with Sami, and then Joe whisks him away for the rest of the weekend. Joe has grand plans to take Rami out and spoil him rotten, but they end up spending the entire weekend in bed instead. Joe can’t say he really minds. 

“I can’t believe I recorded something at Abbey Road Studios,” Rami says. He leans back against the headboard of their bed and stretches, the muscles in his back popping. One of his legs narrowly manages to avoid knocking over a takeout container.

Joe rescues the carton, scooping it up and peering inside. They’ve ordered a ridiculous amount of food, enough to feed them both for at least a week. 

“I can’t believe you met Queen,” he says. He pokes his fork into the takeout container, digging around in the noodles for a piece of chicken. “Better than any birthday present I could give you.”

“Roger gave me tequila.” He says it slowly, a tinge of awe in his voice. Ever since he returned from London a few days ago, he’s been in a constant state of disbelief. “Brian gave me a hug as soon as we met.”

“On a first name basis already?” Joe teases. He’s not ashamed to admit that he’s a little jealous. He’s worked with a lot of famous people over the years, but there’s something so inherently cool about the idea of hanging out with rockstars. “Gonna introduce me?”

“Of course. I’ll do it when you come visit me in London.” 

He plucks the takeout container from Joe’s hand and sets it on the bedside table next to the pile of empty beer bottles. Joe takes a moment to admire the play of muscles along Rami’s back before he settles back down, sidling up to lean against Joe’s side. He rests his head against Joe’s shoulder, his curls tickling the skin of Joe’s neck. Joe obligingly slides an arm around Rami’s waist, fingers lightly ghosting over the curve of his hip. Their feet tangle together underneath the sheets.

It’s peaceful lounging in bed like this, knowing that they have the entire day to themselves. He thinks that there’s a subtle romance in the way two people can share a quiet moment together, indulging in nothing more than each other’s presence or the soft brush of fingertips against skin. These are the moments that Joe treasures, the small intimate parts of their lives that no one else is privy to.

Joe wants to keep this for as long as Rami will have him. He already knows that Rami is the end of the line for him, and that there’s no one else he wants to share his life with. He doesn’t think he’d ever find anyone who’d even compare to Rami anyway. There are still moments where he wonders why Rami is with him - wonders what he has that Rami could possibly be interested in - but those instances are few and far between. He knows Rami loves him and that Rami wants to continue building a life with him. And he knows that Rami will fight for him if it comes to that.

There’s a question that’s been lingering in the back of his mind, something Joe’s been thinking of ever since they discussed the next phase of their relationship. And, in all honesty, for long before that argument ever took place.

But he hasn’t quite figured out the right moment to ask. He tries now, but backs out at the last minute, instead asking, “You still want to go to Paris? We never got to go last year.”

Rami cranes his head up to look at Joe. “I thought you had forgotten.”

“Of course not. Other things got in the way.” Joe presses a kiss into Rami’s hair and smiles. “Maybe we could go before you start filming?” 

“Yes,” Rami says, a content smile flitting over his face. He curls closer into Joe, placing a kiss on his collarbone. “I’d like that.”

 

 

Joe finally gets the confirmation that he’s landed the role a week after Rami returns to London.

The first thing he does is call his parents to celebrate. The second thing he does is FaceTime Rami.

“I have some news,” Joe says as soon as Rami answers. He pauses and does a double take when Rami comes into focus, peering intently at his picture on the screen. “Is that my shirt?”

“Yes,” Rami says. He looks tired, like he was either already asleep or in the middle of getting ready for bed when Joe called. Joe looks at the time on his phone, feeling a tiny bit guilty when he realizes it’s just past midnight. “I didn’t think you’d notice if it went missing.”

Rami’s wearing an old _Jurassic Park_ t-shirt that Joe bought as a joke years ago. The cotton is worn so thin it’s almost transparent, while the logo is faded and the neckline is stretched out, showing a hint of Rami’s collarbones. Something in Joe aches at the sight, and he thinks about the hoodie of Rami’s that he’s been wearing around ever since Rami left for London. _We’re both sentimental fools_ , Joe thinks.

“I knew you were jealous of my fashion sense,” Joe jokes. He idly wonders if he can convince Rami to take a selfie while he’s wearing the shirt. 

“That’s exactly it,” Rami says wryly. The camera shifts a bit as Rami settles himself on the bed, propping himself up against a pile of pillows. “Now, what’s your news?”

“I was signed to a new project.”

He’s startled when Rami laughs, sounding relieved. “Is that all? Joey, you had me worried.” 

“What? Why?” He blushes a little at the nickname. Rami rarely uses it, but Joe always feel a curl of pleasure when he hears it. There are very few people who call him Joey, but it always has an extra layer of intimacy when it comes from Rami.

“You called me at midnight. You never call this late unless it’s important.”

“I was excited!” 

“And you couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” he asks. There’s a sleepy smile on his face as he snuggles down into the pillows, and Joe knows he’s about two minutes away from Rami dozing off.

“Not really. I wanted you to hear it from me first.”

“Who else would I hear it from?” he asks.

“So, it turns out I bear an uncanny resemblance to Queen’s bassist,” he begins. Rami’s brow furrows as he listens, and the flicker of confusion on his face makes Joe bite back a sudden fond smile. Anyone else would have picked up on the hint immediately. “And, well, the studio noticed that and asked me to audition. I was asked not to tell anyone, so sorry for keeping it from you last week. But I’m in your movie. Surprise.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then–

“You’re in the movie? The Queen biopic?” Rami asks, voice slow as if he’s still trying to process Joe’s confession. 

“Yes?” Before he can start to worry, Rami breaks out into a smile that lights up his entire face. Joe lets out a relieved breath. “You’re not mad, are you?”

Rami shakes his head. “How could I be? I can’t believe we get to work together again.”

“I was going to fly out and surprise you with the news,” he admits, “but I couldn’t wait to tell you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t wait,” he says, and he can’t seem to stop smiling. “You realize this is going to make things easier for us, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Our relationship. We can go out together as much as we want and no one’s going to question it now that we’re working together. We won’t have to worry about anything. It’s perfect.”

“Oh,” Joe breathes out. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

“When do you fly out?” Rami asks. 

“Next week. The studio wants me to spend about six weeks taking guitar lessons.”

Rami beams at him, he’s so obviously delighted that Joe can’t help but smile back at him. “I can’t wait to see you again. I miss you,” he says.

“I miss you, too.”

“I’m really glad you’re going to be in this movie, Joey,” Rami murmurs. “There’s no one else I’d want to share this with.”

Joe suddenly, desperately wishes he was there with Rami, cuddled up with him in bed as they celebrated the news together. After he ends the call, Joe sends a quick email to his agent and the studio, telling them he’s changing his travel dates. Once that’s done, he looks up plane tickets and books himself on the next flight out of JFK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took two months to post, but this chapter gave me a lot of trouble. I'm still not really satisfied with it so I'd love to hear what you think about it.
> 
> I hope the 10K length makes up for the wait?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again it took so long for this chapter to be posted.
> 
> Trying my best to skirt around the issues with BoRhap's director while also acknowledging some of the problems the cast had to deal with. Also playing around with the timeline a bit to make things work!
> 
> For anyone who's waiting for Gwil and Ben to show up, they'll be arriving next chapter!

_Bohemian Rhapsody Pre-Production Preparation, May - June 2017_

 

The morning after Joe’s surprise phone call, there’s an email from the studio in Rami’s inbox which confirms that Joe’s actually going to be part of _Bohemian Rhapsody_ and it’s not something Rami dreamt up the night before. Several conversations with his team need to happen, but Rami pushes those concerns aside so he can focus on the fact that he and Joe are finally working together again.

He’s wanted to work with Joe again for a long time, but there was never an opportunity that came to pass. Rami thinks it’s fortuitous that the movie they’re in together is the one that will make or break his career. He’s already well aware that this movie will be harder than anything else he’s done and there’s some measure of relief he feels at knowing Joe will be at his side throughout it. It’s going to be a high profile project no matter how it turns out, and he wants people he trusts surrounding him during the entire ordeal.

It also sets his mind at ease. He’d never admit it, especially not after their recent arguments on the matter, but he was worried about spending a year away from Joe. Their argument was one that could have ended their relationship, and he doesn’t think spending a year apart would have done them any good in the long run. Not at this stage in their lives. Rami’s schedule has been packed ever since _Mr. Robot_ premiered and while that’s meant great things for his career, it’s caused his personal relationships to suffer. The last thing they need is a year living on different continents. 

For all that he enjoys his solitude and being busy working on multiple projects, Rami does miss Joe when they’re not together. It’s the same ache he gets when he spends too much time away from L.A. and his family. It’s one of the downsides of the industry: a successful career means more time away from family and friends. It’s a lonely life.

What’s worse is that he and Joe have already spent more time in their relationship apart than together. Seven years of long distance consisting of rushed weekends in hotel rooms or Skype and FaceTime calls at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes Rami is amazed that they managed to stay together for all those years. It was difficult, and it didn’t become much easier once they started sharing a home. Even though they’ve lived together for the past two years, they still spend so much time filming on location or traveling for press tours and related events. In fact, Rami can’t remember the last time they were in the same place for more than a week or two.

Which is why he should have seen the problems coming. They both knew what they were getting into from their very first date, knew that their jobs would keep them busy enough that they only had stolen moments together. The problem is, he thinks, that they both became complacent and used to the status quo. He should have seen how the stress of keeping private was weighing on Joe. It shouldn’t have taken Sami to knock some sense into him about his own relationship.

Rami knows he has a tendency to get so deep in his own head when preparing for a role that he’s unaware of everything and everyone around him. He doesn’t like hiding their relationship any more than Joe does - and he wrongly assumed that Joe was on the same page as him - but he’s horrified that doing so made Joe feel insignificant and inferior. He still has some lingering guilt over it. Joe’s one of the best things in his life and even though he’s always been the one pushing for privacy, Rami also longs for the day they can go out in public together without worrying about any repercussions.

So having Joe as a co-star again is the best thing that could happen. It allows them to actually spend a significant amount of time together over the next year. They’ll be able to repair their relationship, but it also means they’ll be able to go forward with their plan and no one who sees them together will find it strange. They won’t wonder why they’re spending so much time together or grow suspicious if Rami is a bit too affectionate with Joe. He doesn’t even think they’ll need to officially alert the studio or producers if they don’t want to. It’s really the perfect situation. 

But his perfect situation is still a week away from actually happening. Rami can be patient if necessary, and he’s not so codependent that he needs to be with Joe every single day, but he doesn’t know if he can wait another week for Joe to arrive in London. He wants to see him as soon as possible.

He spends the day after their call checking his phone, waiting for a text from Joe or, alternately, wondering if he should just book Joe a ticket to arrive one week ahead of schedule.

Rami finally gives in later that night. He takes out his phone and attempts to call Joe, but it goes straight to voicemail. He frowns down at the phone and tries to call again an hour later, but that call also goes unanswered. Joe always has his phone turned on, even when he’s flying or with his parents, and it unnerves Rami that he’s unreachable.

He ends up calling Sami instead, too antsy to sit still. He gets ready for bed before pulling up the video chat and pressing the button to connect with Sami.

Rami forgets he’s wearing Joe’s _Jurassic Park_ shirt when Sami answers. It’s become the shirt he wears to bed each night, partially because wearing it makes him feel closer to Joe. It’s sentimental in a way that borders on ridiculous.

Sami, of course, spots the t-shirt immediately and rolls his eyes. “You’re pathetic,” he says. “You haven’t even been gone for a month. And you _just_ saw him a week ago.”

“Hello to you, too,” Rami says dryly.

“Does Joe knows you’re stealing his clothing?” Sami asks, smirking. 

“Yes, of course. He thought it was charming,” Rami replies, and then, because he feels like being bratty he says, “It still smells like him.”

He doesn’t mention that Joe stole one of his hoodies for the same reason. Sami already makes fun of them and he doesn’t need anymore ammunition. 

Sami shakes his head. “Unbelievable.”

They chat for awhile, and Rami feels some of his stress seep off him throughout their conversation. He’s kept Sami up to date on everything regarding the movie, and he values his advice and input more than anyone else. Sami was the first person he tested his Freddie mannerisms on, and he still uses him as a sounding board whenever he needs a second opinion. His brother never hesitates to tell him when something isn’t working.

Rami’s in the middle of explaining the new routine his movement coach wants him to work on when someone knocks on the door of his rented apartment. It startles him since he’s not expecting anyone and no one in London currently has his address. He ignores it at first, but the knocking continues. 

“Hold on, someone’s at the door,” he tells Sami. “They probably have the wrong address.”

Except when he pulls open the door, he finds Joe on the other side.

“Surprise,” Joe says.

Rami stares at him in shock. It takes him a second to process that Joe’s actually here in front of him before he launches himself into Joe’s arms. He smiles when he feels Joe’s hands come to rest on his waist and that smile grows wider when Joe kisses him hello.

“What are you doing here? I thought you said your flight didn’t arrive until next week,” Rami says.

“I couldn’t wait a week to see you. I booked the first flight I could find.”

Rami kisses him again, pouring all his emotions into the kiss. He’s so full of love that he feels like he’s about to burst. He’s so engrossed that he almost doesn’t hear the muffled long-suffering sigh coming from the phone still clutched in his hand. 

_Shit_ , he thinks. He completely forgot about Sami.

“Oh my god,” he says, pulling away from Joe with faint horror. He really doesn’t want to look at the phone and see Sami’s expression.

“What?” Joe asks. He looks at Rami with confusion, which quickly changes to amusement when Rami waves the phone at him. He catches a quick glimpse of Sami’s disconcerted, unimpressed look.

“I’m going to hang up on you. I don’t want to listen to you two making out,” Sami complains.

“Sorry,” Rami apologizes. He watches Joe bring his suitcases into the apartment, and he knows there must be a goofy smile on his face. He doesn’t care how lovesick he looks right now or how much Sami will tease him about it later. He’s so, _so_ happy that Joe’s here.

“Hey, Sami,” Joe calls, waving at him from the other side of the room as he sets his suitcase down. “I caught an earlier flight because I missed this one so much. Bet you’re impressed your brother’s dating such a romantic guy.”

“You’re both hopeless,” Sami says, though his tone is fond. “You’re honestly perfect for each other. A pair of codependent losers.”

“Glad you approve,” Rami says. He and Sami say their goodbyes before he ends the call, promising to call him later in the week.

Rami pockets his phone and then crosses the room to hug Joe. “Now I know why you weren’t answering my calls.”

“Had to keep it a surprise.” There’s a smile in Joe’s voice and hearing it sends a thrill through Rami. The giddiness that’s been following him around all day doubles now.

“I was worried you’d already be asleep when I arrived,” Joe says, herding Rami into the bedroom. Rami sits on the edge of the bed and watches as Joe shrugs off his shirt and jeans, letting the clothing fall onto the floor. “Or that you were out for the night.”

“I guess you would’ve had to call me and ruin your grand entrance,” Rami says. He grins when Joe pushes him gently onto the bed and crawls on top of him. 

“I would have made it up to you.”

“I’m sure,” Rami says. He curls an arm around Joe’s neck, threading his fingers through the hair at the base of his nape. He stares up at Joe, eyes tracing over his features as though he doesn’t already have them committed to memory. Spending last weekend together wasn’t enough time, not after months apart. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“You missed me that much after only a week?” Joe teases.

“I always miss you when we’re apart.” 

Joe’s face softens and he reaches out to caress Rami’s cheek. “I miss you, too.”

Rami draws him down for a kiss. One kiss turns into another and they find themselves lazily making out, trading soft kisses and even gentler touches. Rami attempts to shimmy out of his t-shirt, wanting to feel Joe’s hands on his skin, but Joe makes a low noise in the back of his throat and shakes his head.

“Wait a second,” Joe says. He slides off the bed and grabs the phone he had plugged in to the wall charger moments ago.

“What’s wrong?” Rami asks, confused. He leans up on his elbows so he can watch Joe fiddle around with his phone.

“Nothing,” Joe says, flashing him a grin. “I just wanted a picture.”

Rami rolls his eyes, and slumps back on the bed. He debates throwing an arm over his face for dramatic effect. “Seriously? Come on. Get back over here.”

“So bossy,” Joe says. Rami doesn’t need to look at him to know he’s laughing.

Joe climbs back onto the bed, straddling Rami’s thighs as he takes his pictures. He smiles down at Rami, reaching forward to brush a stray curl from his forehead. 

“You’re beautiful,” Joe murmurs.

The affection in Joe’s voice makes Rami a little embarrassed. No matter how many years go by, he still feels a small tendril of surprise and pleasure when anyone, even Joe, genuinely compliments him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever truly get used to it.

He tries to downplay his reaction by reaching for Joe’s phone. “Let me see the picture.”

Joe hands it over, flopping down on the bed next to him. He slings a leg over Rami’s thigh and leans against his shoulder, watching Rami stare at the picture. 

“Don’t even think about deleting it,” Joe says. Rami looks over at Joe with a raised eyebrow. “I already emailed it to myself and it’s saved on the cloud.”

“I wasn’t going to delete it. I like it.”

“Yeah?” Joe asks, pleased. He grabs the phone back from Rami’s hands and sets the picture as his phone background. “I like it, too.”

The picture is far more intimate than Rami was expecting. The _Jurassic Park_ logo is visible, of course, though the t-shirt’s neckline gapes just slight enough that his collarbone is visible. Rami’s hair is mussed and his lips are slightly kiss swollen. He’s smiling softly in the picture, and his expression is so, so tender. 

Rami looks like he’s hopelessly, utterly in love. It’s a good look.

 

 

The apartment Rami’s renting is already fully furnished, but the first thing he does after Joe’s arrival is order a new mattress. He meant to buy one when he originally signed the lease back in March, but he’s been so busy that he never got around to it. 

He sets himself up on the sofa mid-morning, a cup of coffee cooling beside him as he browses through several of the sites he has bookmarked. Joe stumbles from the bedroom an hour later, grunting a hoarse good morning at him on his way to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. 

“Jet lag sucks,” he says when he reappears. He has a bagel in one hand, his coffee in the other. Rami holds his hand out for half of the bagel, murmuring a quiet thanks when Joe hands it over. 

Joe stretches, careful not to spill his coffee, before he settles onto the sofa. “I want to sleep for a week.”

“Then go back to sleep. It’s Saturday. You don’t have any guitar lessons scheduled until Monday,” Rami says. 

“I can’t sleep away an entire day like you can,” Joe says. He reclines against Rami’s side, sipping his coffee as he glances at the computer screen. “What are you doing?” 

“Buying a new mattress,” Rami replies. He closes out of one browser tab and switches over to another. He thinks he’s narrowed down his choices to three options. He takes a bite of his bagel as he contemplates one of the mattresses.

“We’ll only be here until January. Maybe February at the latest,” Joe says, confused. “We don’t need a new mattress.”

“The one in the bedroom is awful,” Rami complains. He knows he can be finicky sometimes, but one of the things he hates most about filming on location or traveling for press tours is that rental apartments and hotels never have great mattresses. Unless the studio shells out money for top end accomodations, which they rarely do. He’s never been on that type of project. Not yet, at least.

“I think it will last for the next nine months,” Joe says.

Rami sends him a petulant look. “I’m not going to spend that long sleeping and fucking on a mattress that’s uncomfortable. Not when I can just buy a new one.”

“Spoiled,” Joe says, amused. But he doesn’t say anything when Rami chooses the most expensive mattress on the site, the one that promises it’s as soft as a cloud.

Rami lets Joe drag him out to afternoon tea after Rami schedules the delivery. It’s only fair, he decides. Besides, he enjoys how animated Joe gets at the prospect of having afternoon tea. He predicts a lot of afternoon tea dates in their future. 

The rest of their weekend is close to perfect and Rami counts himself lucky that this is only the beginning of their new adventure together and not merely Joe visiting for a weekend. These next six weeks are the perfect time for the two of them to explore London. There’ll be little opportunity for it once pre-production starts in July.

“I like that we can do this,” Rami says. 

Their day has been spent perusing the different stores they stumble across, stopping in a small cafe for lunch before continuing on with their shopping. Joe wants to send a package of gifts to his parents and siblings, and they’ve been out looking for the perfect presents to mail back to the States. It’s a tradition Joe has with his family whenever he films on location. Rami finds it endearing, even more so because Joe wants his input on gifts. 

“Do what? Go shopping?” Joe asks. He picks up a tin of tea and wrinkles his nose and the price before setting it back down. “You know we can do that back home, right?”

Rami rolls his eyes and bumps their shoulders together. “You know what I mean.”

“Not sure I do,” Joe says. He slides his fingers across the back of Rami’s neck, squeezing once, before he lets his hand drop. The fact that Joe’s being so brazen in public makes something warm and yearning twist in the pit of his stomach.

“It’s different here,” he says. 

He feels more relaxed in London. There are still paparazzi around - he knows they’re everywhere, in every city and country - but they’re less intrusive and less obvious than the paparazzi in New York or L.A. The same goes for the fans he encounters on the street. He doesn’t get stopped for pictures or autographs nearly as much as he does in New York, but it still happens on occasion. He’s been here for a few months already and there’ve been no paparazzi pictures and only a handful of fan photos. It’s a welcome change from the constant exposure of New York.

“Less paparazzi,” he explains. “Neither of us have had to worry about anyone spotting us.”

Joe’s expression softens. “Yeah. I know.”

“I didn’t realize how much I missed it,” Rami admits. 

“Maybe we should move to Europe,” Joe jokes.

Rami laughs. “I don’t think either of us could live that far away from our families.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re right about that,” Joe says, nodding. 

It’s a nice idea, though. It makes Rami think of all their continually delayed attempts at a Paris vacation. _Maybe after filming ends_ , he thinks. It’ll be nice to get away without the stress of a job hanging over their heads. He has a feeling they’re going to need time to recharge after filming ends.

 

 

“So he’s going to be staying with you.” 

Rami can hear the frustration in his publicist’s voice, and he briefly wishes they had done a Skype call so he could better gauge her reaction. He’s calling as a courtesy more than anything else. Marissa has always stayed out of his personal affairs unless they affect his work, but Rami figures Joe working on the film with him crosses that line.

“Yes,” he says. “He’s already unpacked.”

“He’s staying the duration of filming? All nine months?”

“Yes,” Rami repeats. He’s beginning to regret this call.

“He can’t get his own place?” she asks.

Rami frowns. He doesn’t see what the problem is. Marissa knows that he and Joe already live together in New York.

“Why would he need to?”

She sighs. “I know you’re used to New York, but your apartment there is in a multi-unit building. There’s security to prevent non-residents from entering. No one would ever know you were living together and even if they did suspect, it could be spun as Joe living in the same building but in a different unit. The place you have in London is a single unit building. One entrance, no other renters. No security. Anyone who saw you two would know you were living together.”

Rami hadn’t really thought of that. She may have a point, but the implication behind her words makes something sour form in the pit of his stomach.

“I’m not asking him to find another place to live,” Rami says. He usually agrees with his publicist and the rest of his team - they do have his best interests at heart, after all - but he has no problem pushing back if the need arises. This appears to be one of those times. 

“You said you weren’t ready to go public yet,” she says gently. “That’s all over if the wrong person sees you and puts it all together.”

“I know, but I’m not going to hide Joe away like a dirty secret,” Rami insists. He _won’t_ do that. Not after everything they’ve been through. Not after almost ten years together. Joe doesn’t deserve that.

“I understand, but—”

“No,” Rami interrupts, voice firm. “Anyone following me closely enough to know _where_ I’m living is a bigger problem than them finding out _who_ I’m living with.”

The conversation bothers him for the rest of the day. He promised Joe that there would be no more hiding, that they would live their lives normal. _We’ll let everyone else assume whatever they want_ , he’d said.

He can’t go back on his word. If he did, he doesn’t think Joe would forgive him, and Rami doesn’t want to deal with the potential fallout. He refuses to lose Joe over this. 

Joe notices something’s wrong when he arrives back at the apartment that night. He doesn’t say anything about it, doesn’t ask what’s wrong or needle him until he confesses. He just waits patiently until Rami is ready.

“You okay?” he asks once they’re curled up in bed.

Rami tucks his head underneath Joe’s chin and sighs. “It was suggested that we don’t live together while we’re filming the movie.”

“Suggested? By who?” Joe asks, and his voice is deadly calm in a way that makes Rami nervous.

“My publicist. She thinks it’s a bad idea. That someone will discover us.”

“Do you agree with her?”

Rami shakes his head. “No. I’m not going to make you hide away.”

Joe’s strokes Rami’s hair, fingers threading through the curls and tugging gently. It makes Rami go limp against him.

“Good,” Joe says. “I don’t want to live somewhere else.”

“I don’t want you to either,” Rami says. He presses a kiss against Joe’s shoulder, then another along the column of his neck.

“It’s going to keep coming up, you know,” Rami adds, almost apologetically. “My publicist and agent are going to agonize over whether we’ll be found out. They’re not going to let me hear the end of it.”

Joe snorts. “They’re more worried that it’ll cause a scandal and make their jobs harder.”

“Probably,” Rami says wryly. 

“This is what you pay them for,” Joe says. “We’ll be as discreet as we’ve always been, but if someone happens to catch on, that’s for your team to deal with. Easy as that.”

Rami smiles. Joe makes it sound so simple and he really, truly hopes that is the case. He doesn’t want anyone to discover them since he’d rather come out on his own terms, but Joe’s not wrong. If something happens, he has a team of people who can handle it.

He tips his head up to try and meet Joe eyes. “You’re not bothered?” he asks. 

“Nope. But you know how I feel about people knowing we’re together,” he says.

Rami grimaces. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the guilt he feels about the entire situation. 

“Don’t worry,” Joe says, his voice so very gentle. He wraps an arm around Rami’s lower back, his hand resting on his hip. “We have all the time in the world to figure it out.”

 

 

He and Joe settle into a routine over the next couple of weeks.

Their schedules are hectic and they both spend the majority of each day off doing their own things. Joe has guitar lessons to learn bass and voice lessons so he can nail down John Deacon’s unique accent. He spends a full eight hours (and sometimes longer) in the studio each day, focusing and practicing until he can play some of Queen’s songs by memory.

Rami spends most of his time flitting between working with his movement coach or his respective piano and voice teachers. On the days he’s not rehearsing and training, he spends his time conducting interviews with anyone who knew Freddie. His days end up being much longer and busier than Joe’s. There are times where they barely get to see each other for more than an hour, and it feels too much like their normal day to day routine when Rami is filming _Mr. Robot_ in New York.

But more often than not they get to spend their mornings and evenings together. There’s something comforting about waking up to the sound of Joe belting out Queen songs in the shower or being able to eat breakfast together before they both leave for the day. He likes having the evenings to spend time cooking dinner or talking about the research they’ve done or the new songs they’re practicing.

Rami enjoys being able to bounce ideas off Joe, to chat about the info regarding the script or costumes or cast that he keeps getting piecemeal from the studio. It reminds him a lot of their time on _The Pacific_ , when they spent days on end rehearsing and getting into the right headspace. 

Joe’s excitement about the movie is contagious. It’s easy to focus on the larger picture when he has Joe there chattering about his favorite Queen song or an interesting tidbit he found while doing his own research. Filming hasn’t even started and he finds himself grateful for Joe’s presence all over again. 

It’s all very domestic and saccharine, something Sami mocks him for when Rami lets it slip during their weekly Skype or FaceTime chats. Rami loves his brother, but this is one thing he doesn’t think Sami will ever truly be able to understand. Sami’s life in L.A. is, for all intents and purposes, normal. He doesn’t have a career that sends him to every corner of the globe and he doesn’t have to spend months away from everyone he loves. His days are structured in a way that Rami sometimes envies.

Rami wants to hold onto this strange state he and Joe find themselves in. They’ve gotten to experience it a few times over the past two years, but it’s never been this consistent. Rami’s schedule on _Mr. Robot_ keeps him insanely busy and when he’s not filming the show, he has movies that take him away from New York. 

He likes being able to see Joe every morning and night, to be able to meet him for lunch on the days where their schedules align. It makes him feel like they’re a normal couple. 

_This is how it should have been all along_ , he thinks.

 

 

“I think I saw the guy playing Brian May today,” Joe says.

He kicks the door shut behind him, dumping his bag onto the floor before toeing off his shoes. Rami frowns at the scattered shoes in front of the door until Joe sighs and rearranges them so they’re out of the way. Nine years together and Joe still leaves his shoes out where anyone could trip over them. Rami thinks he should have resigned himself to learning to live with this bad habit of Joe’s long ago.

“Thanks,” Rami says pointedly, reaching out to grab the bag of takeout he can see poking out from the top of Joe’s backpack. He can smell the curry already and sure enough, when he opens the bag he’s met with a couple containers from the Indian place that they’ve started to frequent.

“Did you talk to him?” Rami asks. 

Joe shakes his head as he follows Rami into the kitchen. He grabs two beers from the fridge and leans against the counter as Rami reaches for a couple of plates. He has to stand on his toes to reach the cabinet. “You need help?” he teases.

“Shut up,” Rami says, glaring at him from over his shoulder. “We’re the same height.”

“You’re still so much tinier than me,” Joe says, grinning.

“Don’t be an asshole,” he says, unable to hide his own grin as he sets the plates down on the counter. “Now answer my question.”

“So demanding,” Joe says, taking a swig of his beer. “But no, I didn’t. I’m not sure that’s who he was. He just looked eerily similar and he was at the studio for guitar lessons, so I assumed he was the guy playing Brian.”

The other half of their version of Queen has been cast, but neither Rami or Joe have met the two actors yet. He’s slightly anxious about meeting the other two actors. He knows it’s possible for actors to work together without being friendly off set, but he wants all four of them to get along. Queen considered themselves family, and he wants the four of them to replicate that bond as much as possible.

“You think we should reach out?” Rami asks. He dishes out the food onto the plates and pushes one across the counter toward Joe. 

Joe peers at him and then shrugs. “Couldn’t hurt. But it’s only a few weeks until pre-prod starts. We’ll meet them then.”

Rami looks down at his food, thoughtful. “They both live in London. It wouldn’t be difficult to meet up.”

“True, but what’s the rush?”

“What if we don’t get along? What if we finally start working, and all it takes is one look at us all together before someone decides it’s not the right fit?” he asks. It comes out in a rush, making Joe stare at him in surprise.

It’s been on his mind for awhile, ever since he received word a few days ago that casting was going slower than normal. There are some finalists for the other supporting roles, but no one has been confirmed yet. They should have had most of the supporting cast lined up by now.

There’s a bad feeling in the pit of Rami’s stomach whenever he learns that the schedule for the movie keeps getting thrown off. Bad enough that the movie already had a history of drama before it even got off the ground or he was ever attached to it, but he doesn’t want to start filming with more bad news hanging over their heads. That’s a death knell for any production. It already spent a decade in development hell before it was greenlit.

Joe pauses, setting his fork onto his plate. He studies Rami’s face and whatever he sees makes him sigh. “They’re not going to get rid of you, Rami,” he says slowly. “If they need to recast anyone, it’ll be someone from the supporting cast. We’re expendable. You’re not.”

“They spent so much time finding the right people. I don’t want more delays because they need to recast. Delays never mean anything good,” Rami says doubtfully. He pushes his food away, his appetite suddenly gone.

“Hey, we’ll be fine,” Joe says, gesturing between them. “John and Freddie were the best of friends, right? We already have that chemistry.”

“I know,” he says. He’s really not concerned with his or Joe’s performance. They’ve worked together before and even though it’s been years, Rami’s confident that they’ll have the same chemistry now that they did back in 2007. “I’m just worried. I want everything to go smoothly. It’s important to me.”

“It’s going to be fine,” Joe repeats. “I already looked up our other halves anyway. They seem like decent guys. One of them was in the last X-Men movie.”

Rami frowns. “What?”

“X-Men. You know, the comic books? Come on, I know you’ve seen at least one movie because I made you watch it.”

Joe makes him watch a lot of movies and TV shows, but Rami never really pays attention to most of them. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy watching other films or TV shows, but he ends up comparing himself to the actors and that never leads to anything good. He prefers books and music as his form of escapism since there’s less room for comparison.

“I know what X-Men is,” Rami says, slightly annoyed, “but I didn’t know they were still making the movies. That’s all.”

Joe huffs out a laugh. “You’re so out of touch with pop culture.”

“I have you to keep me up to date,” Rami says. 

“You never listen when I talk about it,” Joe says, pointing his fork at Rami accusingly. “I’ve seen your eyes glaze over.”

“That’s not true. I hang on your every word,” Rami says. His laugh gives him away and Joe flicks some some of his beer at him.

“Jerk,” he says. 

Rami smiles. “I still think we should try to meet them. Have a quick lunch or something,” he says. He grabs his phone from his back pocket and scrolls through his emails until he finds the one he’s looking for. “Gwilym Lee and Ben Hardy,” he reads. 

“If you really want to. Or we could just watch some of their films,” Joe suggests.

Rami considers it. As much as he does want to start everything off on the right foot with the cast, their schedules are pretty tight. They may not have time to meet up before pre-prod begins. 

“Do you think they’ve watched any of our work?” he asks. 

“Who hasn’t seen _Jurassic Park_?” Joe scoffs. 

“You’ve done more movies than _Jurassic Park_ ,” Rami says, rolling his eyes. 

“Yeah, but _everyone_ has seen it. It’s a classic.” He dumps his empty plate into the sink and turns around, arms crossed. “We can always make them watch _The Pacific_.”

Rami hums thoughtfully. “I suppose.”

“What, you don’t want them to watch the show that made us fall in love?” Joe asks. 

“More like the show that meant I was stuck with you forever,” Rami says dryly.

Joe shoots him a considering look at that, and Rami feels the mood in the room shift. 

“Speaking of….. Do you still want to tell them?” he asks, averting his eyes. 

It comes out as more of a question than a statement, and Rami spends a quick moment feeling guilty all over again for being the reason behind the uncertainty in Joe’s voice. 

“Yes,” he says. He smiles at Joe encouragingly. “But not the first day we meet them. Let’s wait until we actually get to know them. Make sure they’re not weird or anything. Is that okay?”

Joe nods, and the relief is clear in his voice when he says, “Yeah, makes sense.”

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry, though,” Rami says. “I doubt anyone involved with a Freddie Mercury biopic will have an issue with our relationship.” 

Even as he says it, he hopes that it remains true. He doesn’t want to imagine the alternative.

 

 

Their new castmates end up being the least of Rami’s concerns in the weeks leading up to the film’s pre-production schedule.

They’re supposed to start pre-production in July, right after the Fourth of July holiday. It’s mostly makeup and wardrobe fittings as well as rehearsals for the Live Aid section of the film. Rami has a strict gym routine that’ll begin around the same time so he can build muscle for the 80s era scenes.

None of that concerns Rami. He’s already met the people in charge and seen the preliminary sketches, as well as undergone several hours of prosthetics fittings. He knows he’s in good hands.

What does concern him is that the script is still being heavily revised and there’s been issues with nailing down a director. He’s heard the name being floated around and Rami’s not entirely confident with the studio’s choice. He doesn’t have much say in who they hire, and he’s had to bite his tongue whenever the subject comes up. 

When he’d signed on back in November, Dexter Fletcher had been attached as director and the movie had been with Sony. Months later Fletcher had left and the movie moved to Fox. The script underwent several revisions, and while he’s received pages on occasion, Rami hasn’t yet seen a full copy.

July is only a week away. 

The fact that they have no finalized script and a director who is loosely attached means production might end up being delayed. Or worse, cancelled. There are already so many roadblocks piling up that Rami fears the movie might go back into development hell. 

He doesn’t know what he’ll do if any of that comes to pass.

 

 

Rami hears the faint notes of Queen drifting throughout the apartment as he opens the door. When he makes his way into the living room, one of Queen’s concerts at The Rainbow up on the television. Joe’s humming along as he watches the band perform “Liar”.

“Hey, babe,” he says, smiling when Rami sits down on the sofa next to him. He leans over and kisses Rami hello before sprawling back against the cushions.

“Good day?” Rami asks. 

“Yup. Been doing some research,” he says, gesturing at the TV screen. “You think this will be included in the movie?” 

Rami shrugs, eyes glued to the screen, watching as Freddie grinds up against John so they can sing together. “Don’t think so.”

Joe sighs. “Too bad. I would have loved recreating that with you.”

“I’m sure,” Rami says. He’d normally tease Joe back, but he’s not feeling up to it today. Not after the day he’s had.

They start pre-production in a little over a week, and all his doubts about being ready for this role are starting to hit him full force. His rehearsal this morning went horribly. Hours of trying to perfect some of Freddie’s stage moves without any success. Over the last week he’s felt less and less like he’s becoming Freddie and more like he’s doing a poor imitation. When he looks in the mirror, he doesn’t see himself as Freddie, he just sees all his failures at replicating Freddie’s movements and speech patterns.

It’s a nightmare.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he says suddenly. He looks down at his hands, wary of meeting Joe’s gaze.

“Do what?” Joe asks, distracted, his attention still focused on the TV. 

“The movie,” Rami clarified. “I’m having second thoughts.”

There’s a pause and then Joe presses pause on the remote, letting the room drop into silence. Rami continues refusing to look at Joe, worried that maybe his outburst was an overreaction. It wouldn’t be the first time he let his anxiety and self doubt get the better of him.

Joe shifts over on the sofa, cupping Rami’s face and turning it toward him. Rami meets his eyes reluctantly. 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Joe asks. 

“I feel like a fraud,” he says. The words are hard to say, but he forces himself to spit them out, hoping that maybe saying them aloud will make him feel better. “I’m out there strutting around pretending to be him, and yet when I look in the mirror I only see myself. I can’t dance, can’t play the piano, can’t sing like him.”

“No offense, but I don’t think anyone wants to hear _you_ singing,” Joe says. “They’re going to want to hear Freddie when they see the movie.”

“Maybe,” Rami says, sighing. 

“Look, they hired you knowing all of this,” Joe tries. “You’re a brilliant actor. You’ve done so much research and preparation. You’re just nervous and that’s normal. Nothing to worry about.”

Rami looks away. “I sometimes think they would have been better off casting someone else,” he admits.

“That’s not true,” Joe says. He rubs Rami’s arm sympathetically. “You’re perfect for this role.”

“That’s not what the internet says,” Rami murmurs.

He tries to avoid the internet, but his curiosity gets the better of him sometimes. He’s seen what people are saying and a lot of it isn’t positive. 

“Don’t listen to them. They don’t know what they’re talking about,” Joe says. 

“What if they’re right?” he asks. “I don’t look anything like Freddie. The things they’ve said about how I look—”

“You’re gorgeous,” Joe interrupts. He kisses Rami tenderly, breaking away to kiss him again at the corner of his mouth and then across the curve of his cheekbone. 

“I know you think so,” he starts, but Joe cuts him off again.

“Anyone who doesn’t think you’re devastatingly handsome is an idiot,” he says. He brushes Rami’s hair from his forehead, stroking the back of his hand down Rami’s jaw after. Rami can’t help but lean into his touch, desperate for the comfort it offers him. “Is this what’s been worrying you?”

Rami smiles weakly. “It’s not only that.”

Joe frowns. “What else?”

“The studio is having trouble with almost everything. The screenplay isn’t finished. They haven’t found the rest of the cast. There are problems with the director. It’s a mess.”

“It’s still early,” Joe says. “They only really need the four of us playing the band for the next two months. Production doesn’t begin until September.”

Rami shakes his head, frustrated. He gets up from the sofa and starts pacing across the floor, throwing an unsettled look in Joe’s direction. 

“It’s still not a good sign.”

Joe’s frown deepens as he watches Rami pace. “There’s still time for all that to change.”

“What if it doesn’t? What if production is delayed?” Rami hunches in on himself, defensive and troubled, his mind flipping through all the different possibilities. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he says miserably.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Joe replies. 

“But—”

“Rami,” Joe says, sighing, “the movie hasn’t been cancelled or delayed. A lot of movies don’t have the entire cast booked or the screenplay finished by pre-prod.”

“They keep rewriting the screenplay from scratch,” Rami says. “And the director is a no-show whenever they try to work on storyboards or set designs.”

The more he talks about it, the more apprehensive he becomes. Joe has more experience with movie productions than Rami does, but Rami knows in his gut that something is wrong. He’s never considered himself superstitious, but he can’t help but feel like this movie may be cursed. 

“They have two months,” Joe says patiently. “Worse things than this have happened on sets before. No matter what happens, the show will go on.”

It’s a weak attempt at a joke, but it still makes Rami smile. Joe wraps his hand around Rami’s arm and tugs him back down onto the sofa. He pulls Rami into a hug and kisses his temple. 

“There’s no need to worry yet,” he murmurs. “Whatever happens, you’ll be fine. _We’ll_ be fine. I won’t let you struggle through this alone, sweetheart. I promise.”

“Okay,” Rami says, and he tries his best to tamp down the rising tide of uneasiness seeping through him. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter, either in the comments or visiting me over on [tumblr](https://onesweetillusion.tumblr.com)!


	5. Chapter 5

_Bohemian Rhapsody Pre-Production, July 2017_

 

Joe and Rami fly out to California the week before pre-production begins. Rami’s been so stressed out over the past few weeks that Joe has to convince him that taking the trip is a good idea. He ends up calling Sami for help and they both wear Rami down to the point that he finally agrees. Joe books the plane tickets before Rami can change his mind. 

They spend half the week in L.A. with Rami’s family so they can celebrate the Fourth of July with a large family get together. Rami gradually starts to relax once he’s around his mother, Sami, and Yasmine. He looks happier and well rested, and the stress and anxiety that’s been slowly building starts to disappear.

“See, told you a vacation was needed,” Joe says. This week would have been the perfect time for the Paris trip they keep putting off, but Joe figures Rami needed to see his family more than he needed a romantic excursion. 

“I know,” Rami says. He leans back on his hands, smiling as he observes all the people milling about the backyard of his and Sami’s shared house. “You were right. I should have listened to you in the first place.”

“Did I hear that correctly?” Joe asks. Rami turns to look at him, an eyebrow raised. “Did you just admit that I was smarter than you? I think I need to mark this moment in my phone’s calendar,” Joe says.

“That’s not what I said,” Rami protests. 

“We can celebrate it every year,” Joe says, ignoring him. “It’ll go right up there with celebrating our anniversary and our first official public date and the first time we met.”

Rami rolls his eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“But you love me anyway,” Joe says. He pokes Rami in the side, grinning when Rami starts in surprise and then narrows his eyes at Joe. “You love me enough to spend five days trapped in a car with me.”

“Don’t make me reconsider,” Rami warns.

He knows it’s an idle threat. Rami easily agreed to Joe’s suggestion of spending the rest of the week on a road trip up the coast. They both like the idea of a lowkey vacation and Joe has been itching for another road trip. He hasn’t gotten the chance to go on many in recent years.

They set out the day after the holiday. Joe has their route all planned out as well as several road trip playlists loaded on his phone. He lets Rami be in charge of the snacks and he’s pleasantly surprised when he finds Rami has brought along all of Joe’s favorite road trip junk food. He was honestly expecting only healthy snacks.

They cruise down the highway in their rented car, the roof down and the summer wind blowing through their hair. Joe looks over at Rami to see him with his feet resting on the car dashboard and one arm hanging out the rolled down window. His face is tipped toward the sun and the breeze is gently tossing his curls. He looks absolutely beautiful and Joe’s caught with a sudden, overwhelming burst of love. Rami catches him staring and sends him a small, fond smile, reaching out to lay a hand on Joe’s knee.

In that moment, Joe knows with absolute certainty that he’s going to spend the rest of his life with Rami. 

He’s known it for awhile. For years, if he’s being honest with himself. 

They’ve talked about marriage before, of course. It was hard to avoid talking about it back when they first started dating in 2008, especially since every news cycle was about marriage equality. They discussed it again each time more progress had been made at the state or national level, but their conversations never had much depth. The last time they discussed it was over two years ago. Right after _Mr. Robot_ premiered and they moved in together. They agreed that it was something they wanted, but at some indeterminable point in the future. There was always too much working against them. 

It’s been on his mind a lot over the past year, however. They’ve been together for nine years. While Joe would never trade those nine years for anything, he wants more. He wants to be able to call Rami his husband. Wants to have a large wedding with their friends and family there to celebrate with them. Wants everyone to know that they’re together, that he and Rami love each other.

He considers asking Rami when they stop at one of the lookout points along Big Sur. Part of him wants to wait until they go to Paris so he can follow through with the proposal plan he came up with last year. But there’s an itch burning beneath his skin urging him to ask as soon as possible. 

Joe thinks of the pair of gold bands he has buried in the back of his closet. He bought them long ago, before Rami flew out to meet him for the _Undrafted_ premiere and before Joe even broached the idea of going to Paris. He had planned to propose in Paris, but then the trip was delayed after Rami was nominated for an Emmy, and then delayed again after he was contacted about starring in _Bohemian Rhapsody_. Their fight didn’t come long after that and Joe took all of those events as a sign that he was better off waiting. Even when they were in the midst of arguing and Joe worried that Rami would break up with him completely, he still held onto the rings.

They’re in his closet in New York. He takes them out sometimes, rolls them around in his hand and hopes that there’ll be a day where one of the rings will be on his finger and not hidden away in a velvet box. Joe thinks of how the ring would look on Rami’s hand, how the gold would complement his skin, how _right_ the thought of them wearing matching wedding bands seems. 

Joe watches Rami looking at the ocean spread out before them, his heart full of hope and love. They’re alone at the lookout ridge, and though a few cars appear on the horizon occasionally, none of them stop. It’s only the two of them, surrounded by the cry of seagulls and the crash of waves upon the sand.

It’s the perfect time to propose.

The words are ready to spill out, but Joe forces himself to swallow them down. This isn’t the right time. Just like the timing wasn’t right when he first suggested the trip to Paris last July. It’s one thing to be secretly dating, another to be secretly engaged. A secret engagement will stress Rami out and that’s the last thing he needs while he’s trying to concentrate on the movie.

“Thank you for taking me here,” Rami says, oblivious to Joe’s inner turmoil. He rests his head on Joe’s shoulder with a contented sigh.

Joe buries his face in Rami’s curls and closes his eyes. He _really_ wants to ask. It’s burning a hole in his heart and it takes all his strength to say, “Of course.”

“I mean it,” Rami says. He gestures out at the water. “I needed this trip to set my mind at ease.”

“About?”

“Everything,” Rami says. “The movie. My career. Us.” 

“We’ll be fine,” Joe says. 

“Everything’s going to change with this movie. Our lives aren’t going to get any easier after the movie ends either,” Rami says. The implication that their lives will only get harder goes unsaid. They’re both well aware that they have a struggle ahead of them no matter what they choose to do. They need to, at the very least, go public and let everyone get used to the idea of them together before he proposes.

“I know,” Joe replies, pressing a kiss into Rami’s hair. 

Rami looks up at him and draws him into a gentle kiss. “I love you,” he says.

Joe wants to reply with some combination of _will you marry me?_ and _I’d follow you to the ends of the earth_ and _I want to spend every second of my life by your side_.

What he says instead is, “I love you, too.”

_I’ll ask him in Paris_ , he promises himself. _After the movie’s finished and everyone knows about us, I’ll ask him._

 

 

Joe wakes earlier than normal the morning they’re scheduled to be in the studio. He’s jet lagged from their return flight as well as morose that he put off proposing again, but there’s an underlying excitement about the fact that work on _Bohemian Rhapsody_ is finally starting. He squints at the time on his phone, groaning when he sees that it’s only seven in the morning. Their meeting is set for noon.

He flops onto his back, darting his eyes over to where Rami’s still asleep. He scrolls through his phone for about an hour until he hears Rami start shifting underneath the covers.

“You awake?” he asks, shuffling up behind Rami. 

“No,” Rami mutters, voice heavy with sleep.

“I think you are,” Joe teases. He strokes his foot up Rami’s calf.

“Go away,” Rami says. He buries his face in the pillow and attempts to pull the sheets up over his head. “Let me sleep.”

“If I’m awake, you should also be awake.”

“Go for a run or something,” Rami mumbles. “Work off all that energy.”

Joe smiles, placing a kiss on his shoulder. “I can think of better ways to work off some energy.”

Rami makes a low, interested noise and looks over his shoulder at Joe. “Oh, can you?”

The sex is lazy and slow, full of lingering kisses and gentle touches. Joe loves morning sex. Loves the way Rami is always sleepy and warm, how his hair is adorably mussed, and how pliant and affectionate he is. He sways into Joe’s touch, mouth parting with small gasps whenever Joe rocks into him. He wraps his legs around Joe’s waist, heels digging into the small of his back as he urges him to go faster.

He whines when Joe keeps his pace slow and teasing. Joe smiles, leaning down to nip at Rami’s lower lip and whisper an apology. When Joe moves away, Rami wraps his hands around Joe’s neck and drags him back so they can exchange languid kisses as Joe continues to move against him.

It’s intimate in a way that makes Joe almost unbearably fond. _I’m going to marry you one day_ , he thinks, smattering a line of kisses over Rami’s nose and under his eyes and along his jaw. Rami sighs in pleasure with each kiss, his hands carding through Joe’s hair.

“You’re beautiful,” Joe whispers. A pleased smile curls over Rami’s lips. “Absolutely perfect.”

Rami cuddles up to him afterward, looking drowsy and sated. Joe can’t help but feel proud that he’s the one who made Rami look this way. Sometimes he still can’t believe that he’s lucky enough to have Rami in his life. That Rami chose him when he could have his pick of anyone he wanted.

“Don’t fall back asleep,” Joe murmurs. He strokes his hand down Rami’s side, smiling when Rami shivers and nestles in closer. 

“It’s still early,” Rami says. He kisses Joe’s collarbone before resting against his chest.

Joe would like nothing more than to spend the rest of the morning napping and basking in the afterglow, but he knows if they don’t get out of bed now they’re never going to make it to the studio on time. He convinces Rami to join him in the shower and by the time they’re showered and dressed, it’s already quickly approaching noon. 

“So what’s the game plan?” Joe asks, pouring some grounds into the coffeemaker. 

He hands the first brewed cup to Rami, who thanks him distractedly as he rummages through the refrigerator. “Hmm?”

“How do you want to do this? You want to arrive separately?”

Rami looks at him in confusion. “Why would we arrive separately?”

“You know,” Joe says, waving a hand between the two of them, “because we’re keeping this on the downlow. What if we arrive together and they suspect something?”

Rami frowns. “We don’t have to do anything as drastic as arriving separately. It’s not like we’re pretending we’ve never met before.”

“Okay,” Joe says, drawing the word out. He sips his coffee, studying Rami as he takes a carton of eggs out of the fridge. “But that doesn’t answer my other question.”

“As long as you don’t tell them our entire life story the minute you meet them, I think we’ll be okay.”

 

 

Of course, that’s exactly what ends up happening.

Gwilym and Ben are already at the studio when Joe and Rami arrive. Graham King and some of the other executives are there are well. Their director is noticeably absent, which makes Rami’s jaw tighten in annoyance. After introductions are made and their schedule for the next two months is laid out, he, Rami, Gwil, and Ben step off to the side to chat.

It’s a friendly, if not slightly restrained conversation until Gwil says, “I loved _Jurassic Park_ , by the way. I was so jealous of you when I was a kid. I wanted to be running around with dinosaurs.”

“See, I told you they had probably seen _Jurassic Park_ ,” Joe says triumphantly, lightly punching Rami in the arm.

Rami rolls his eyes. “Yes, fine, you were right.”

“This is the second time in a week you’ve said I was right. It has to be a new record.”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” Rami says dryly.

“Too late,” Joe says, grinning.

It’s then that he realizes Gwil and Ben are staring at him in bemusement. 

“I take it you know each other already?” Ben asks curiously, eyes darting between them like he’s trying to figure out all their secrets.

“Something like that,” Rami says. 

“Oh, did you meet up before today? You’re both from New York, right?” Gwil asks.

“We’ve known each other for ten years,” Joe blurts out. Rami looks at him in disbelief, but Joe’s already moving on to add, “We worked on a show together called _The Pacific_. I’ve been stuck with him ever since.”

“Ah, that explains so much,” Gwil says, nodding. 

Joe thinks it’s best if he doesn’t ask what “so much” is referring to since he’s not quite sure he wants to know the answer. Besides, he figures talking about _The Pacific_ is as close as he can get to talking about their relationship without disclosing that they’re actually dating. 

“You could have handled that better,” Rami says later that evening, once they’re on their way back to their apartment.

“What?” Joe says, appalled. “I charmed them off their feet.”

“You rambled at them for twenty minutes about _The Pacific_.” Rami jogs up the steps of their building, unlocking the door and holding it open for Joe.

“We talked about other things!” Joe insists. He shuts the door behind him, following Rami down the hall and into the bedroom.

“Asking for recommendations on where to get afternoon tea doesn’t count,” Rami says.

Gwil and Ben had both offered to take Joe to their favorite spots, which he considers a win. He’ll have to work on convincing Rami to tag along.

“What did you think of them?” Joe asks, leaning against the doorframe as he watches Rami change his clothes.

Rami tugs a soft, worn t-shirt over his head, messing up his carefully styled hair in the process. “I like them,” he says thoughtfully. “They seem nice.”

“I like them, too,” Joe admits.

It’s only been a day, but Joe is rarely wrong when it comes to first impressions. He has a good feeling about Gwil and Ben, and he thinks there’s a high likelihood that they’ll become friends by the time filming begins.

 

 

It turns out his instincts are right. By the third day of pre-production, it feels like he’s known Gwil and Ben for far longer than a couple of days. They’re both good-natured and engaging, and there’s an easy understanding that blossoms between all of them.

It makes their Live Aid boot camp actually enjoyable. 

Joe wouldn’t compare it to the actual pseudo boot camp he and Rami went through before filming _The Pacific_. He doesn’t think anything will ever compare to a boot camp run by real marines. But the one they’re put through for Live Aid is in no way easy.

Rami brings his movement coach, Polly, to set and she puts them through their paces. Joe’s suddenly finding his body moving in ways he never thought it could. Polly is wonderful, but she keeps them on their toes, both literally and figuratively. Joe quickly discovers that trying to recreate a twenty minute concert isn’t an easy task. They have to get every single aspect of it correct, right down to their movements and expressions. It’s exhausting.

During one of their breaks, Rami stays behind to chat with Polly while Joe attempts to take a quick nap to try and regain some of his energy. Ben apparently has the same idea and Joe finds him napping near one of the sound stages. Joe doesn’t think twice before he lays down beside him and rests his head on Ben’s thigh.

“Let’s be nap partners,” he says. 

“Okay,” Ben says. He reaches down and tries to pat Joe’s head, but ends up missing and awkwardly patting his shoulder instead.

That’s how Gwil finds them a short while later. Joe’s lightly dozing, and when he hears someone approach he opens one eye to see Gwil taking a picture.

“Well, this is adorable,” Gwil says, amused. He tucks his phone into his back pocket and grins at them.

“I am adorable,” Joe agrees.

“He was talking about me,” Ben says.

“I was talking about both of you,” Gwil says. He lightly kicks Joe’s leg with the tip of his shoe. “You couldn’t find somewhere more comfortable?”

“Ben is pretty comfortable. I’m happy with my choice,” Joe says. He wiggles his fingers at Gwil in invitation. “There’s room for you here. Want to see if you’re a better pillow than Ben?”

Gwil scoffs. “I know I am. But I came to tell you we’re starting again.”

Ben groans and covers his face with an arm, making both Gwil and Joe laugh. Joe lets Gwil help him up, clapping him on the arm in thanks. Ben pouts until Gwil helps him up as well.

“I was thinking we could all get dinner tonight,” Gwil says. He nods his head at Ben and continues, “You interested?”

“Sure,” Ben says, his words half swallowed by a yawn.

“What about you?” Gwil asks, turning to Joe expectantly.

“I’ll have to check with—” Joe cuts himself off right as he’s about to say Rami’s name, quickly changing course to say, “my calendar, cause I’m super busy and popular. Gotta see if I have enough free time to spend with you losers.”

Gwil and Ben don’t seem to notice his slip, and if they do they’re nice enough not to call him on it. He still feels vaguely guilty when they go in search of Rami. Keep the relationship a secret is going to be more difficult than he thought, he realizes.

He doesn’t mention it to Rami, which works out in his favor since Rami is distracted by Gwil’s suggestions of dinner plans anyway. His eyes light up when Ben mentions he needs to pop back to his place first to feed and walk his dog.

“You have a dog?” Rami asks excitedly.

“Yeah, her name is Frankie.” He takes out his phone and angles it toward Rami so he can share some pictures.

“She’s adorable,” Rami says, scrolling through the pictures.

“She is,” Ben says proudly. “Want to meet her?”

Rami doesn’t even hesitate before answering, “Yes!”

They make plans to head over to Ben’s apartment after rehearsals are done for the day, and then proceed to talk about dogs. Joe watches them in resigned amusement.

“Well, we might as well just hang out at Ben’s place,” Joe says. 

Gwil, who is leaning over Ben’s shoulder to also look at the pictures, looks up at Joe’s comment. “Why’s that?”

“Because we’ll never be able to get Rami away from the dog.”

“He can’t be that bad,” Gwil says.

It ends up being that bad. Rami won’t stop cuddling Frankie once he meets her and by the end of the night Joe almost has to forcibly drag Rami away. He only leaves after Ben promises him that he’ll bring Frankie to set more often.

Rami doesn’t stop talking about Frankie the entire way home.

“I wish we had a dog,” Rami says. Joe peers at Rami’s phone and chuckles when he sees Rami’s searching for adoptable dogs in the nearby area.

“I did almost get one after you abandoned me for London,” Joe jokes. “I needed someone to help me keep my pining under control.”

Rami laughs. “Yes, I remember. Too bad you didn’t go through with it.”

“We’re too busy, babe, you know that,” Joe says, even though he agrees that a dog does sound like a nice addition to their life. 

“I know, but I do want one eventually.”

Rami looks so sad about it that Joe almost gives in and promises to go out and adopt the first dog he sees. 

“We can think about getting one after filming ends,” he suggests, and it’s worth it to see the way Rami beams at him.

_Just one more thing to add into our post-BoRhap life_ , he thinks wryly. 

 

 

“We’re meeting Brian and Roger at Abbey Road Studios today,” Rami announces over breakfast. 

Joe drops his bagel in surprise. He frowns as it lands cream cheese side down on the counter. “What do you mean we’re meeting them _today_?” Joe asks, reaching for a napkin to wipe away the mess.

Rami stares at him. “I thought you knew?”

“How would I know that?” Joe asks incredulously.

“Ah,” Rami says, somewhat sheepishly as he reads something off his phone. “Looks like I was the only one on the email.”

“Let me see,” Joe demands, grabbing Rami’s phone. Sure enough, there’s an email from Brian stating that they’ll be stopping by the studio this afternoon. 

As soon as he gets to set, he pulls Gwil and Ben aside and tells them the news. The growing friendship between the four has been incredibly useful during rehearsals, but right now it also means that Joe has two other people who are willing to lock themselves in the bathroom at the studio to panic with him.

“Joe, what are you doing? Brian and Roger are downstairs waiting,” Rami calls from the other side of the door. He rattles the handle and when the door doesn’t open, he says, “Did you _lock the door_?”

“Yes,” Joe says, not even remotely ashamed. He’s meeting two of the most legendary rock stars on the planet, musicians whose music he’s listened to for his entire life. _Of course_ he’s nervous.

There’s a moment of silence, and then Rami says, “Are Gwil and Ben in there with you?”

Joe looks over at Gwil and Ben. Ben shakes his head and Gwil mouths something that reads as _don’t you give us up_. Joe’s not going to suffer through this alone, and he has a hard time lying to Rami anyway, so he lets out a short, “Yeah, they’re here.”

“Come on!” Gwil says. He nudges him in the side and pouts at him. “Some friend you are.”

“You try lying to him! It’s impossible!” Joe says, gesturing at the door. 

Rami’s groan is audible even though the door. “There’s nothing to be nervous about,” he says. 

“Easy for you to say,” Ben mutters. “You’ve already met them and you’re not the one portraying either of them!”

Which is a fair point, Joe thinks. He and Rami don’t have it nearly as bad as Gwil and Ben do. He’d be ten times more nervous if he was meeting John Deacon.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Rami reasons. 

“They could hate us,” Gwil says.

“They could recast us,” Ben adds.

“You can’t stay in there all day!” Rami says, pounding on the door. 

“We can try!” Joe says.

They do eventually calm down and convince themselves to leave the room. All their worries disappear instantly the moment they get downstairs and Brian pulls all of them into hugs. Joe’s immediately starstruck and he definitely rambles whenever he gets a chance to speak with Brian or Roger. Gwil almost loses it the moment Brian lets him touch the Red Special. Ben just watches Roger demonstrating how he plays and tunes his drums with wide eyes.

Rami’s the calmest, naturally, and seems amused at the skittish way they interact with Brian and Roger.

“Those three were so nervous about meeting you that they were hiding out in the bathroom upstairs,” Rami says to Brian.

Roger lets out a bark of laughter while Brian looks politely confused. Rami smiles innocently when Joe shoots him a betrayed look. 

“You all seem to get along,” Brian mentions, glancing at them. He seems happy, if not a tiny bit wistful. “That’s good.”

“Yeah, we’re becoming like family,” Joe replies, and it’s not an exaggeration. Not even a little bit.

 

 

The four of them start hanging out together more frequently after that. Their friendship gradually progresses from light and easy conversations about their careers and hobbies to more personal stories about their families and lives. Gwil and Ben are still in the dark about their relationship, but Joe’s willing to be patient. He suspects that they’ll tell Gwil and Ben before pre-production ends anyway.

Despite this minor inconvenience, Joe’s thrilled by how quickly they become good friends. They have a WhatsApp group that Joe titles “The Band” and they spend some of their time off exploring the restaurants and shops around the studio. 

Gwil and Ben take them out for afternoon tea one day, and somewhere between the first and second course, they start talking about their biggest concerns about the film.

“Playing the drums,” Ben admits. “I might have, uh, lied a little during my audition.”

“Oh, really?” Rami asks, suddenly very interested. He puts down his cucumber sandwich and focuses all his attention on Ben, who looks unexpectedly flustered. “So you can’t play them at all?”

Ben shakes his head. “I took some lessons, but I definitely can’t play as well as Roger.”

“Interesting,” Rami murmurs, low enough that only Joe overhears. Joe shoots him a questioning look, but Rami discreetly pats his leg underneath the table with a sly smile. Joe’s seen that look before. Rami has a devious streak a mile wide, which no one ever suspects. Joe can only begin to imagine how he’s going to use this information against Ben.

“I’m with Ben on this one,” Gwil adds. “I can’t play even close to how Brian plays. But I’m most worried about getting it all right. Those are some big shoes to fill.”

“Same,” Joe agrees. He turns to Rami and nudges him. “What about you?”

Joe assumes he might mention their ever absent director, who still hasn’t shown up on set, not even to help out with any of the pre-prod planning. Or he might mention the fact that the script and the rest of the cast is still being finalized. Rami’s been fretting more and more about them each passing day.

So he’s surprised when Rami shrugs and says, “The costumes.”

Ben laughs and nods. “Yeah, I can see that. I wouldn’t want to wear some of those outfits either.”

“They’re all so tight,” Rami agrees, screwing up his face in faint disgust.

“You’ve been naked on screen before and you’re worried about some tight pants?” Joe asks in disbelief.

Rami shakes his head. “Trust me, you’ll understand when you see them.”

 

 

Joe soon realizes that his biggest concern on set isn’t going to be playing the bass or remembering his lines, but having to act professional as he deals with Rami strutting around in skin tight clothing. The costumes Rami has to wear show off _everything_. 

At their first costume fitting, everything’s going fine until Rami slinks out of the dressing room wearing a harlequin leotard. One of the costume assistants rushes over to measure the fit and mark any adjustments with chalk while Rami stands there awkwardly. He’s biting down on his lower lip as his eyes flit around the room nervously, not landing on any of them. Joe hasn’t seen him so self-conscious and uncomfortable in a long time.

Gwil and Ben wolf-whistle and tease him about the outfit, which makes the tension start to leave his shoulders. He eventually laughs, spinning around so they can get the full effect of the outfit. Joe, meanwhile, finds himself completely and utterly shocked silent.

“What, no comments from you?” Gwil asks.

Joe swallows and tries to come up with something to say. “You, uh…. It looks good,” he says weakly. It looks more than good. Rami looks positively sinful.

Rami flicks him a look from underneath his lashes, a small, coy smile sneaking over his lips. “You think so?”

Joe nods. He can’t stop staring at Rami, eyes glazing over as he realizes that the leotard hugs every curve of his body. Rami’s always had a great body, and he’s becoming more toned now that he’s working out with a trainer to build muscle, but to see it on display like this is more than Joe can stand. The next hour of fittings is absolute torture as Rami tries on outfit after outfit, each more tempting than the last.

He corners Rami in his trailer after they’re done for the day, pinning Rami against the closed door as he swoops in for a kiss. “You’re a tease,” he says.

“How am I the tease?” Rami asks, breathless. 

“Wearing those outfits,” Joe says. His presses up against Rami, watching in delight as Rami’s eyes widen when he feels Joe’s erection.

“Not like I had a choice,” Rami says. He bucks against Joe, looking amused when Joe groans and tips his forehead against Rami’s shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to survive filming if you’re wearing those outfits.”

“You liked them that much?” Rami asks, pleased.

“You looked amazing,” Joe says. He rakes Rami’s t-shirt up and lets out a satisfied grunt when Rami obligingly lifts his arms so Joe can pull the shirt off and toss it over his shoulder. Joe’s own shirt soon follows.

“I thought we said no sex on set,” Rami murmurs, though he makes no move to stop Joe. He gasps when Joe mouths at his collarbone, sucking a mark into his skin. 

“Changed my mind,” Joe replies, hands fumbling with the zipper of his jeans. He almost falls over in his desperation to take off his pants. “Want you to fuck me.”

He has a bottle of lube stashed away in his trailer and Rami puts it to good use, slicking up his fingers and opening Joe up nice and slow. When he’s satisfied, Rami bends him over the table in the trailer and pushes into him. His pace is quick and desperate and Joe moans with each thrust. Rami bites down on his shoulder, making Joe jerk in surprise.

“A matching mark for the one you gave me earlier,” Rami says, his tone smug.

They’re giddy in the aftermath, sloppily kissing each other and laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. They started dating after they finished filming _The Pacific_ , so they never had the opportunity to experience the thrill of sneaking away to fool around while on set, all the while knowing that anyone might come looking for them. There’s something intoxicating and exciting about it. 

“Let’s not make this a frequent occurrence,” Rami says. 

Joe’s leaning back against his chest, one of Rami’s arms draped over his shoulder, and he’s frankly too lazy to even think about moving. “I don’t know, I enjoyed it enough for a repeat performance.”

“I don’t think we need to get caught defiling your trailer,” Rami says.

They’ve done their best to clean up, but they’re still naked and sweaty. Not to mention, the entire trailer reeks of sex. Joe thinks they’re going to need a quick shower before they return to set, though he’s disappointed that the small shower in the trailer’s bathroom doesn’t look like it’ll be big enough for both of them to share.

“Well, there’s only one thing to do if you don’t want this to happen again,” Joe decides.

“What’s that?”

“Ask to wear different costumes. I can’t spend six months watching you wear skin tight leather pants and not want to jump you,” Joe says. 

Rami’s expression is longsuffering. It’s the same look he gets whenever Joe’s being ludicrous or has made a joke he doesn’t want to admit he found funny. “Learn some self-control, then,” he says, slapping Joe’s hip lightly.

“Around you? Never,” Joe teases.

Rami ducks his head, holding back a smile. “I could just steal one of the costumes,” he says, after a pause. “Or I could ask for my own custom leotard. I’m sure they’d make one for me.”

A low curl of arousal flickers through Joe at the idea of Rami parading around their bedroom in one of those leotards. He thinks of stripping it off Rami, inch by inch, and has to bite back a moan.

“Yes. I like that idea,” he says. He reaches up to kiss Rami, smothering the laugh Rami lets out against his lips. “You should do everything in your power to make that happen.”

 

 

All in all, Joe’s pretty pleased that he gets to spend six months appreciating Rami wearing such revealing outfits. He’s not so excited, however, when he finds out what the wardrobe department has in store for him.

“I have bad news,” Joe announces.

Rami, Gwil, and Ben are spread out around one of the circular tables near the craft services spread, chatting away while they eat lunch. At his announcement, Rami pauses and looks up at him, expression slightly intrigued but not necessarily worried. Gwil merely raises an eyebrow and Ben continues picking away at his plate of food. Joe doesn’t know whether to feel amused or slighted by the lack of reaction. 

Joe plops down next to Rami, and then, in the most dramatic voice he can muster, says, “I have to get a perm.”

“What?” Ben asks, baffled.

“For my hair,” Joe says. “You know, that hairstyle that was all the rage in the 80s and 90s. And the early 2000s.” He pauses and narrows his eyes at Ben. “Come to think of it, it’s a hairstyle you’re probably too young to remember.”

Ben makes a face at him. “You’re just jealous I’m younger than you.”

“You wish I was jealous of you,” Joe sasses back.

“Is that really your bad news? That you need a perm?” Rami asks. He shakes his head, laughing softly. “You’re so dramatic.”

“Hey, this is a big deal! I thought I’d be wearing a wig! But now I have to get a big, floofy 80s style perm,” Joe says. He’s seen the pictures of John Deacon. He knows what he’s in for. His hair is not made for that type of volume.

Gwil snorts out a laugh. “Sexy.”

“Don’t mock me,” Joe says. He peers at Rami’s plate of food, disappointed but not surprised to find that it’s all fruit and salad. At least he can see some chicken among all the vegetables and he snags a piece with his fingers.

“But you’re so easy to mock,” Rami says, slapping his hand away from his plate and offering him his fork instead.

Joe takes it and pokes through the salad for the remaining pieces of chicken. “I am not!” Joe insists. Having eaten all the chicken, he plucks a bunch of grapes from Rami’s plate and starts popping them in his mouth. 

Rami rolls his eyes as he rises from his seat, his now empty plate in hand. “I have so many embarrassing stories about you,” he calls over his shoulder as he heads back towards the craft services table.

“What type of embarrassing stories?” Gwil asks. He’s been observing their exchange with more interest than Joe thinks it deserves.

“He’s lying. The only stories he has about me are charming,” Joe says.

“I doubt it,” Ben says dryly. “You don’t seem particularly charming.”

Joe scowls at him. He expected this level of sarcasm from Gwil, but not from Ben. _It’s always the quiet ones_ , he thinks. 

“You’re all ganging up on me,” he complains. 

“It’s because we care,” Rami says, returning to his seat. His plate is once more full of food and while there’s another serving of chicken and salad, there’s also a roast beef sandwich and a small mountain of potato chips. Rami pushes the plate between them and smiles fondly as Joe gleefully takes the sandwich.

Gwil and Ben share a look. 

“What’s wrong?” Joe asks suspiciously, waving his sandwich at them. “Why are you looking at us like that?”

“Just waiting on those embarrassing stories,” Gwil says calmly. He sends a long, discerning look in Joe’s direction before he reaches out to take one of the potato chips next to the sandwich.

“Nope, no embarrassing stories for you. No chips either,” Joe says, moving the plate so it’s out of Gwil’s reach. He looks over at Ben and says, “That goes for you too. Anyone who mocks me doesn’t get to share my food.”

He sets the plate back down, edging it closer to Rami. “Only Rami can eat my food because I know he’d never share any of those stories. I have too many about him to divulge if he ever betrayed me.”

As if to make a point, Rami reaches out and swipes a chip from the plate.

“Fine, keep your secrets,” Gwil says. 

“Bet they’re not that great anyway,” Ben adds.

Rami slides him a knowing look and Joe knocks his leg into Rami’s underneath the table, smiling. 

 

 

The thing is, Joe wants to tell Gwil and Ben as soon as possible.

It’s hard trying to keep it a secret. It’s been almost a month since they first met and Joe is absolutely certain that Gwil and Ben won’t have a problem with his and Rami’s relationship. Joe desperately wants to be able to talk about his relationship with his friends.

There’s only so much he can talk about with his own siblings, and even less he can talk about with Sami. Whatever he tells Sami will eventually find its way back to Rami. None of his other friends know Rami well enough and Joe isn’t super close with any of Rami’s friends either. They only have a very small pool of mutual friends. Gwil and Ben have become two of them.

Joe is tired of having conversations where he needs to watch everything he says, and even more tired of having to remember not to be too familiar with Rami when they’re around other people. He and Rami are both affectionate by default, and it’s torture having to reign in the stray comment or gesture. All he really wants is to be able to tell his friends that he’s head over heels in love with Rami and that he wants to spend the rest of their lives together. 

The longer they keep it a secret, the more it eats at him. It’s not that he doubts Rami will go back on his word, but more that Joe selfishly, desperately needs this for his own peace of mind.

He foolishly assumed that keeping it a secret would be easy, especially after nine years of being extremely careful about whatever they said or did. But what he didn’t take into account was the fact that the secrecy was so easy because they were rarely in the same place at the same time. The first seven years of their relationship was spent on opposite coasts and it’s not like they were working on the same projects or attending many events together once Rami moved to New York. It was easy to hide when no one actually saw them together.

And despite the fun he’s been having on set, Joe knows that he and Rami are not always great at pretending to just be friends. Nine years of dating has made them forget what “normal” is, and there are way too many times were they don’t realize they’ve slipped into a familiarity that obviously goes beyond friendship. It’s not easy sharing a life with someone for so long and then trying to push aside that intimacy when around other people.

He doesn’t know how much longer he can keep it to himself. It nags at him on even the best of days. He would never willingly let it slip - he’s not that petty or dense - but he worries that one day Gwil and Ben figure out what’s going on.

Or worse, that someone who doesn’t have their best intentions at heart will pick up on it.

 

 

His worries aren’t entirely unfounded.

For the most part, Joe thinks they’ve been successful at keeping their relationship a secret. But he sees the glances Gwil and Ben share sometimes and starts wondering if perhaps he and Rami are more obvious than they realize.

“Do you think they know?” he asks. The studio has set up a band room for the four of them, and they’ve taken to using it as a place to hang out when they’re on set but not needed for any particular reason. He and Rami are holed up in there now, waiting for Gwil and Ben to finish rehearsing their “Smile” scenes. Joe’s fiddling with his phone while Rami has a few new pages of the script he wants to look over.

“Does who know what?” Rami asks. He grimaces as he tears the binding off the script pages and the staples go skittering across the floor. He leans down to pick them up and then places them in a neat pile on the nearby table.

“Gwil and Ben,” Joe clarifies. “Do you think they suspect we’re dating?”

“I don’t think so. We’ve been pretty good about everything,” Rami says. “Why, did someone say something?”

“No,” he says slowly, “but I’m starting to wonder if we’re not as good at hiding as we think we are.”

“What makes you say that?”

Joe shrugs. “It’s just a feeling I’ve been having.”

Rami pats his arm sympathetically. “I really don’t think we have anything to worry about, Joe.”

Joe considers it and nods, though the uneasy feeling doesn’t leave him. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Rami smiles as he flops back onto the sofa, stretching out and resting his head in Joe’s lap. Joe automatically cards a hand through Rami’s hair. His hair is a riot of smooth, silky curls, and Joe’s already mourning the fact that those beautiful curls are going to have to be cut down before filming starts.

They stay like that for awhile until Rami picks the script pages back up and starts flipping through them. He hands each finished page off to Joe, and they exchanging quiet words whenever they come across something they find interesting. There’s not much to the script updates - maybe about a dozen pages all together - but it’s the most Joe’s gotten to see so far. From what he hears, there’ve been extensive rewrites. Rami’s only been involved because he’d charmed his way into everyone’s good graces. 

After Joe’s read all the pages, he hands them back to Rami who does another read-through. Joe looks down at Rami, eyes drifting over the furrow in his brow as he stares at the script pages he holds in his left hand with such intense concentration. He’s so focused that he doesn’t even notice when Joe picks up his right hand. Joe idly trails his fingers along Rami’s hand, running over the lines of his palm. He traces the outline of each finger, stopping at the fourth finger of his left hand. He rubs the base of Rami’s finger gently and tries very hard not to think of the gold ring he wants to see against his skin.

_Marry me_ , he thinks, looking down at Rami. _I want to call you my fiance. I don’t care about what everyone else thinks. I want you to be my husband._

As if sensing he’s the subject of Joe’s thoughts, Rami tips his head back and looks up at him, smiling softly. Rami sets the script pages down on his stomach and lifts his hand up to caress the curve of Joe’s cheekbone, his expression tender. 

“You look so serious,” he says softly.

“Just thinking about our future,” Joe replies.

Several conflicting emotions flit across Rami’s face and his hand drops back down to his side. “Yeah?” he whispers.

Joe takes a breath and then continues, “I think we should tell Gwil and Ben.”

From the other side of the room, Gwil clears his throat, making both Joe and Rami startle. Ben’s next to him, curiosity evident in his gaze. Joe didn’t even hear them open the door. He looks down at Rami, who’s still laying in his lap, and thinks, _Shit, this isn’t good._

“What should you tell us?” Gwil asks suspiciously.

Joe flounders and does the first thing that comes to mind. He picks the script pages up from where they’re still resting on Rami’s chest and waves them in Gwil and Ben’s direction. “We got new script pages!” he all but yells. One of the papers escapes his grasp and flutters to the ground. 

Gwil scrambles to get the pages before Ben does, which makes Joe clutch them close to his chest to prevent anyone from stealing them. Rami moves away from Joe’s lap and out of the way of the ensuing scuffle, going to stand by Ben who’s watching Joe and Gwil tussle with faint amusement. By the time they settle down, Joe’s all but forgotten why he needed a distraction in the first place.

 

 

As July draws to a close, things are sidetracked when the director _finally_ shows up on set. Rami’s stress level starts to rise for the few days the director decides to show his face on set and everything becomes significantly more complicated.

Joe knows things are bad when Rami and the director have a meeting that Joe, Gwil, and Ben aren’t invited to attend. Joe only sees Rami for a few minutes after the meeting ends, but his jaw is tight with displeasure. 

“Going to talk with Graham,” he says.

Joe doesn’t hear anything else from him for the rest of the day. When he gets home that night, he finds Rami already fast asleep on the sofa, one arm hanging off the cushions. He’s still fully dressed, as if he came right home and passed out on the sofa without a second thought. Even in the midst of sleep he looks drained and upset.

He brushes the hair from Rami’s forehead, frowning when Rami murmurs and shifts in his sleep. Joe briefly thinks about waking him, but eventually decides against it. He knows that Rami won’t be able to fall asleep again and will spend the rest of the night tossing and turning. So instead Joe gently pries Rami’s shoes from his feet, careful not to make too much noise, and then covers him with a blanket he retrieves from the hallway closet.

Joe keeps quiet as he goes through his evening routine. There’s a rising tide of worry and frustration that follows him around as he putters through the apartment. Trouble this early in pre-production is never a good sign and Joe doesn’t want this movie to flop because of issues that could have been avoided. As the lead, Rami will bear the brunt of any burden that comes along and though Joe will do everything in his power to help him through it, he knows there’s only so much he’s actually capable of doing.

There’s also a faint trickle of agitation that all of this will cause another fracture in their relationship. There’s still a kernel of doubt buried deep within him, a suspicion that perhaps their plans will keep getting pushed back further and further. He can already see the warning signs. 

The worry lingers even as he slips underneath the sheets and he falls into a fitful sleep. He’s briefly jolted awake halfway through the night when he feels the bed dip beside him, but he’s already drifting back to sleep before he can fully process Rami’s presence. When he wakes later in the morning, he discovers Rami spooned up behind him and clutching at him as though his life depends on it. He has one arm firmly wrapped around Joe’s waist and another stretched out underneath his head, his fingers entwined with Joe’s. It’s warm and comfortable, and Joe really doesn’t want to move. So he snuggles back against Rami’s chest and dozes off again.

The next time he wakes, Rami’s already gone and Joe can hear the faint sound of music from somewhere in the apartment. When he stumbles down the hallway, he finds Rami perched at the kitchen table with his laptop in front of him. Joe runs a hand over Rami’s back in greeting before heading to pour himself some coffee.

He listens to the music coming from Rami’s laptop while he sips his coffee and attempts to wake up. He jumps in surprise when Rami steps up behind him and slides his arms around Joe’s waist.

“Morning,” Rami says, kissing his shoulder.

“You’re up early,” he says. 

Rami rests his head against Joe’s back, his hair tickling the nape of Joe’s neck. “Been busy,” he says. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“Everything okay?” Joe asks carefully, thinking of the state he found Rami in last night. 

“It will be,” Rami murmurs. 

Joe can tell that’s all he’s going to get out of Rami on the matter, and he doesn’t think it’s worth pushing the issue. Not when he wants to have a different discussion. He untangles himself from Rami’s arms, placing his coffee cup on the counter, and turns to face him. 

“About the other day,” he begins, “we need to talk about Gwil and Ben. I think we should tell them. It’d be nice to have someone on our side.”

“We’ve only known them for a month, Joe.”

“That’s long enough to know they’ll be fine with us.”

“Is it?” Rami asks. The sarcasm in his voice raises Joe’s hackles.

Joe tries to tamp down on the frustration he feels as he adds, “You promised we’d tell them.”

“And you promised we could wait,” Rami snaps. He looks guilty as soon as he says it, biting down on his lip and looking away. He slumps into a chair and drops his head into his hands. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. 

Joe wants to go to him, but he’s still irritated enough that he stays put, crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s wrong, Rami?”

“My meetings didn’t go well yesterday.”

Joe guessed as much, but he knows there’s something else Rami is keeping from him. “That’s not all, is it?”

Rami sighs, making it seem like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. “My publicist keeps trying to persuade me to find somewhere else to live. Away from you. She doesn’t like that we’re working together.”

“Still?” Joe asks. He’s a little shocked that this is still a topic of conversation. He thought Rami set her straight last month.

Rami hesitates. “She also said she’s seen pictures of us on Twitter.”

“Fan pictures?” Joe guesses. He hasn’t seen any paparazzi pictures since they’ve been in London. 

Rami nods, looking unhappy. “Nothing bad. Gwil and Ben are in some of them, too. I’m the only one named in most of them.” He pauses, considering his next words. “But it’s made her anxious and I’ve been fielding calls about it for the past week. She’s been making some suggestions that... aren't ideal.”

Joe files that away as something to discuss later. It’s not something he’s in the frame of mind to deal with at the moment, not when he knows it’ll only annoy him.

“Oh, Rami, why didn’t you tell me?” Joe asks. He finally goes over to him, kneeling down by the side of his chair.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” he admits.

“We’re in this together, sweetheart. I _want_ to worry with you,” he murmurs. He kisses Rami’s temple, quick and chaste, and rests his forehead there for a minute. He hates that Rami feels like he needs to suffer through this alone. “Is this why you’ve been hesitant about Gwil and Ben?”

“Sort of,” Rami says. “I like them, but you know how quickly people can change when they learn something about you they don’t like.”

Joe doesn’t believe Gwil or Ben are like that, but he certainly understands why Rami’s wary. He’s faced far more adversity in this industry than Joe has. He rubs Rami’s back soothingly. 

“You don’t want to tell them, then?” he asks, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice.

“I do,” Rami says quickly, shading his head, “I just want to be absolutely certain we can trust them. A month isn’t long enough to get to know someone.”

“So when?”

“Can we wait until filming starts? Maybe around Halloween?”

Joe turns it over in his mind. He knows Rami is right in some regard. A month really isn’t that long and it definitely took them a lot longer to speak about their relationship with their family and friends, but there’s a small part of him that worries about putting it off any longer. The longer they delay, the less likely that it’ll ever happen.

Rami watches him anxiously, eyes darting over his face. “We _will_ tell them, Joe. I promise.”

It’s not an unreasonable request and he relents, nodding. “Okay,” he agrees.

He’s not happy about it, but he’s waited nine years. He can surely wait another three months.

 

 

Later, when Rami’s gone off to the gym to work with his trainer, Joe searches Twitter for the pictures. It takes him longer than he expects, but he eventually finds a couple of them. There’s one of the four of them at dinner, another of them at a bar. They’re innocuous pictures, nothing more than some coworkers hanging out together after a day at work. 

When he finally comes across a picture of only him and Rami, Joe pauses and stares at it for a long time. It’s a photo of him and Rami shopping at one of London’s outdoor markets. Rami’s holding a bunch of radishes in his hand, smiling at something Joe’s saying. Joe remembers that day clearly, how he and Rami spent the morning browsing the market and lugging home bags of produce. Rami had dirtied up the entire kitchen cooking them a lavish meal, and he’d looked so pleased when Joe had savored every bite.

The picture is a little blurry, clearly taken by someone trying to avoid attracting unwanted attention. The tweet above the picture is short: _Saw Rami Malek in London today! Makes me impatient for the next season of Mr. Robot._

There’s nothing particularly noteworthy about the tweet or the picture but he understands why Rami’s publicist is worried. There’s something intimate about the picture, the almost besotted way Rami’s looking at Joe and the way Joe’s hand is gently touching Rami’s arm.

Joe scrubs a hand over his face and sighs. If even simple pictures like these are causing Rami’s publicist to be concerned, he doesn’t want to know how she’ll react when Rami tells her they want to go public. Or if Joe proposes.

Joe saves the picture and closes the app on his phone. It’s something they can worry about later. Nothing good will come from obsessing about something they can’t change.

 

 

They go out for drinks the first time they successfully run through the last song in the Live Aid set. It’s not a perfect rendition, and they still have to do the entire performance in one take, but it’s a reason to celebrate all the same.

“Just think, we’ll be filming this in full costume in a month!” Joe says. He has two glasses in his hand, a beer for himself and a gin and tonic for Rami. 

Gwil eyes the drinks as Joe sets them down on the table. “Hey, why didn’t you get me a drink?” 

“Because I only have two hands and Rami’s more important than either of you,” Joe says.

“You definitely could have carried three drinks,” Ben says. He finishes the last of his beer and sets the glass back on the table with a dull thunk. 

“Get your own drinks,” Joe says.

“Be nice,” Rami says mildly, hiding a smile behind his glass.

The drinks keep coming as the night progresses, which leads to all of them becoming fairly drunk. Joe learns that Ben’s an affectionate drunk and at one point he finds Ben and Rami half on top of each other as they watch videos of Frankie on Ben’s phone. He and Gwil, on the other hand, discover they’re both insanely competitive and keep trying to outdo each other any way they can. 

Joe takes dozens of pictures and videos that night, right up until his phone dies.

“You’re gonna upload the pictures to our chat, right?” Gwil asks. He drunkenly pokes at Joe’s phone, as if that would magically recharge it.

“Yup,” Joe says, swaying a little on his feet. He grabs onto Gwil’s shoulder to steady himself and decides that he should probably stop drinking before he does anything he regrets. “As soon as I get this thing charged, I’ll send you all the pictures.”

By the early morning, Rami looks like he’s ready to fall asleep where he stands. He leans against Joe while they all sit around the table, settling his head on Joe’s shoulder.

“Joey, come on, let’s go home,” Rami says, words slurred. 

Joe leans his head on top of Rami’s and ignores Gwil’s snicker. He awkwardly pats Rami’s hip, searching for the phone in the pocket of his jeans. He gives a triumphant shout when he finds it. It takes him three tries to unlock the phone before he can call them an Uber.

Rami falls asleep once they’re in the car, snuggling up against Joe’s side. He has to wrangle him out of the car and up the stairs of their apartment once they arrive, and it’s a struggle trying to deal with Rami hanging off of him while he attempts to unlock the door. Rami heads straight for the bedroom, not even bothering to change out of his clothes before he flops onto the bed.

Joe fumbles with his phone as he tries to plug it into the charger, and he’s about to go change into his pajamas when he remembers his promise to send Gwil all the pictures from tonight. As soon as there’s enough battery, he opens their WhatsApp group and starts uploading the pictures. He sleepily sends several pictures without paying too much attention to which ones he’s choosing. He doesn’t wait for them to fully load to the chat before he places his phone screen side down and crawls into bed.

In hindsight, he realizes he should have waited until he was sober to send the pictures.

 

 

Joe has a horrible hangover the next morning. Rami isn’t faring any better and he groans when he pokes his head out from underneath the covers.

“Last night was a mistake,” he grumbles. 

“Tell me about it,” Joe says. He’s far too old to be out drinking all night, especially when it means spending the next day fighting off a hangover.

He tries to fall back to sleep, but when that proves impossible, he gives up and goes in search of something to settle his stomach. He’s in the middle of mixing some pancake batter when he hears Rami start cursing, loud enough that it reaches him all the way in the kitchen.

“Joe!” Rami calls, and there’s a note of real panic in his voice that makes Joe freeze.

“What’s wrong?” He rushes back into the bedroom, expecting to find some horrible disaster. Instead, Rami’s staring down at his phone in horror.

“Joe, have you looked at the pictures you sent to the group chat last night?”

Joe shakes his head, confused. He vaguely remembers taking a lot of pictures last night, but everything else is fuzzy. 

Rami holds out his phone, which is already open to the group chat. Joe scrolls through the pictures and at first he doesn’t see what the problem is since they’re all pictures of them having fun at the bar.

But then he sees three pictures he definitely didn’t intend to send. The first is the picture he has of Rami wearing his _Jurassic Park_ t-shirt. The second is a picture of Rami curled up in bed. The covers are halfway down his naked back and he’s smiling at the camera. The last is a picture they took when they were in California. Joe had taken a selfie of them kissing on one of the Big Sur lookout areas. It’s a beautiful picture, but it’s one he hadn’t intended for anyone else to see.

Joe stares at his phone with dawning dread. 

_Fuck_ , he thinks, _we’re in so much trouble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger! I'd love to know what you think of this chapter. It's one of my favorites so far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long. I had a really hard time writing this chapter and I've had a busy two months.

_Bohemian Rhapsody Pre-Production, August 2017_

 

Rami stares down at his phone in disbelief. He wants to delete the photos, but the two blue checkmarks beneath the pictures confirm that they’ve already been received. Gwil and Ben haven’t replied yet, but there’s no doubt in Rami’s mind that they’ve both already seen the pictures. 

The private, intimate pictures that weren’t meant to be seen by anyone else. The pictures that confirm he and Joe are dating.

“I can’t believe this,” he says. This is one of his worst nightmares. He feels the panic rising in his chest, and he can’t even bring himself to look at Joe for fear of releasing all the emotions he’s trying so desperately to hold back.

“It was an accident!” Joe says. He tries to step toward Rami, his hand outstretched. Rami jerks away on instinct, a momentary flash of guilt coursing through him when Joe’s face falls in dismay.

“I know it was an accident,” he says, choosing his words carefully. He’s angry with Joe, but he knows it wasn’t intentional. Joe’s not that cruel. He would never forcibly out them without Rami’s consent. 

“But?” Joe prompts.

“I didn’t want them to know yet,” he says, “and I didn’t want them to find out like this.”

He stares at the photos for awhile longer and then goes to close the app. As he does so, he’s struck with another bolt of horror.

“You didn’t post to social media last night, did you?” he asks.

Joe’s eyes widen. He scrambles for his own phone and clumsily thumbs through it until he opens Twitter and Instagram.

“Nothing on Instagram,” he says. Rami assumes he’s checking Twitter next, but the pause and the way Joe flicks his eyes back up to him warily has something twisting in Rami’s gut.

“Is it bad?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Joe says. 

He holds the phone out toward Rami and Rami takes it gingerly. Joe’s latest tweet consists of a picture of Rami, Joe, Gwil, and Ben all crammed together in a bar booth. It’s blurry and off-center, but there’s nothing too incriminating about it. Even the corresponding tweet only reads: _Out with some of my favorite people in the world._

“Oh,” Rami says, slightly unsure of how to react.

He’s still not feeling good about the situation, but at least Joe didn’t accidentally reveal their relationship on social media. There would be no coming back from that. Rami’s not famous enough yet for the tabloids to be poking around his social media accounts, but he knows that if Joe had posted any of those three pictures online, someone would have found it and made it into headline news.

“See, nothing to worry about,” Joe says.

Rami knows it’s meant to be an attempt to lighten the mood, but it only makes him irritated instead. He doesn’t know how Joe can be so flippant right now.

“We have plenty to worry about,” he snaps. Joe raises an eyebrow at him and tucks his phone back into his pocket with a frown. “Gwil and Ben know about us now. Who knows who they might tell.”

“You know they wouldn’t do that.”

“We _don’t_ know that,” Rami insists. “It’s Saturday. We don’t see them again until Monday. That’s forty eight hours where they can do whatever they want with this information and those pictures.”

Joe stares at him, mouth agape with shock. “You know them better than that. They’re not going to sell the pictures to a tabloid.”

“How do you know?” Rami asks, voice rising with anger. “You just gave them the perfect ammunition against us.”

While Rami is fond of Gwil and Ben, the whole reason they agreed to wait another three months to tell them is _because_ they both agreed that a month wasn’t long enough.

There are plenty of seemingly nice people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to use such personal and private information to their advantage. Rami knows, rationally, that there’s a slim chance that Gwil or Ben are the type of people to sell secrets to a tabloid, but that fear will always be lingering in the back of his mind. Because he knows there are people out there who would sell these pictures to the highest bidder.

“Rami,” Joe begins slowly, voice cautious, “I think you’re overreacting.”

“You don’t get to tell me that,” he bites out. His tone is nasty and dangerous, fueled by panic and anger. “You’re the one who keeps urging us to come out. This is exactly what you wanted, isn’t it?”

Joe reels back as though he’s been slapped. “That’s not fair,” he says.

“You’ve been in this industry longer than me. You _know_ how even the nicest people can turn on you. And you know how much people love gossip like this.”

“I know,” Joe says, “and I’m sorry it happened, but it’s not like I accidentally sent the pictures to a reporter.”

Rami shakes his head. “Don’t even joke about that.”

That’s not something he even wants to consider. He’s still a little terrified of the public and media reaction when they do come out. He loves Joe, but there’s a little sliver of fear that coming out will end up ruining their relationship and their careers. That everything they worked so hard for will crumble and disappear before his very eyes.

“We’ll have to deal with that eventually,” Joe says warily. He picks at a thread on the hem of his jeans, refusing to look Rami in the eye. It just makes Rami even more annoyed.

“Now is not the time to talk about that,” Rami says stiffy. 

Joe’s mouth flattens into a frown. “You can’t ignore it forever. There are already fan pictures of us on Twitter. Sooner or later the speculation will start. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the paparazzi or the fans.”

Rami knows all of this. They’ve talked about it countless times, but it’s really the last thing he wants to think about at the moment. He knows why Joe keeps bringing it up, but he thought he made his feelings on the matter clear. 

“I’m not discussing this anymore,” he says as he crosses his arms and stands. He points at Joe, a warning clear in his voice. “You need to figure out how to fix this mess you’ve created.”

He leaves the room before Joe can respond. It’s incredibly petty and childish, but he really doesn’t want to be around Joe right now.

Not when he might end up saying something else he regrets. And certainly not when he might end up doing something he regrets even more.

 

 

The uneasiness follows him around for the rest of the day. 

His publicist attempts to call him, but Rami ignores all of her calls. He ignores the dozen text messages she and his manager send as well. Rami knows they both must have seen the picture Joe posted on Twitter. Thankfully, there’s no way either of them would know about the pictures Joe sent Gwil and Ben, and Rami isn’t about to clue them in. They’re still hounding him about living with Joe during filming and he knows if they find out Joe accidentally told Gwil and Ben, he’ll never hear the end of it.

He’s already upset. He doesn’t need to have his team feeding into his fears and anxieties. Especially not when things between him and Joe are so tense. They’ve already gone through so much in the past year and Rami doesn’t want another fight to potentially break them apart. He doesn’t think he could survive it.

It’s hard enough surviving Joe’s decision to sleep on the sofa instead of in the bedroom that night. Rami is unable to fall asleep, tossing and turning and wondering if he’s better off swallowing his pride and apologizing. When he finally does fall asleep, it’s only to wake up the next morning grumpy and unhappy. He and Joe barely speak as they move around each other making their separate breakfasts, neither one of them capitulating to the awkward silence between them.

They’re in the same room and yet Joe feels a million miles away. Rami knows he should be the one to break and apologize, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

By that afternoon, Rami’s ready to break. When Joe heads out for a run after lunch, Rami takes the momentary reprieve as an opportunity to call Sami.

“I need your help,” Rami says as soon as Sami picks up.

Sami’s sigh is long-suffering. “What happened?”

Everything comes spilling out. All of his aggravation over the pressure he feels to reveal his relationship with Joe, the stress over all the problems he’s facing with the movie, and finally everything that happened with Gwil and Ben.

There’s a long pause on the other end of the phone after Rami’s finished. “So Joe accidentally sent your castmates pictures. Okay. Have they said anything?”

“No,” Rami admits. The lack of response in their group chat has been worrying him. It’s been almost two days. Rami almost wishes Gwil or Ben _would_ reply just so he knows what to expect from them on Monday morning.

“Rami, for an actor, you’re shit at communication.”

“Hey!” Rami says, mildly offended.

“For fuck’s sake, just talk to them. Talk to Joe. You’re an adult. Figure this shit out,” Sami says.

“This ‘shit’ shouldn’t have even happened,” Rami says, annoyed.

Sami groans and Rami doesn’t need to see him to know he’s rolling his eyes. “Look, I obviously don’t know Joe as well as you do, but even I know he’d never intentionally do something like this.”

“He shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

“Do you know how many times you’ve drunk texted me things like that?” Sami says. “How many times you’ve told me something a little too personal about what you and Joe get up to?”

Rami squirms in embarrassment. “That’s not the same. You’re my brother.”

“Yeah, but the point stands and you _know_ I’m right. You’re holding Joe to an unreasonable standard. He was drunk and made a mistake.”

“It’s a big mistake,” Rami says. 

“But not an unforgivable one.”

Rami hesitates before answering, “I know that.”

“Do you?”

It’s harsh, but a fair assessment, and Rami deflates at the realization that he’s been acting like an utter asshole. He’s taken all his fears and anxieties out on Joe because he’s the easiest target. Joe doesn’t deserve any of this.

“This isn’t worth losing him over,” Sami says. “You’ve always been the one pushing to keep your relationship private. Give him some slack. He’s put up with keeping it quiet for almost a decade.”

Rami stays silent. He knows he’s been strict about keeping their relationship out of the public eye, but he’s always had more to lose than Joe. He doesn’t think Joe will ever understand the all consuming fear Rami has about coming out. Rami’s more likely to lose jobs, to get ridiculed in the press, to have people try to typecast him. Joe may face some of that, but it will never be to the same extent. 

Each new picture that gets posted online ties him up in knots. He knows there’s going to be an explosion when they do finally come out, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready for it.

But the thing is, he knows the longer he delays, the more chance he has of losing Joe. Sami’s right about that, as much as Rami doesn’t want to admit it. He’s known for a long time that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Joe. He doesn’t want anyone else by his side, but some small part of him wishes they could hide away in anonymity forever.

There are times where he desperately wants a normal life. Where he and Joe could’ve gotten married years ago. Where they could buy a house and get a dog and think about having kids. Where they could go on dates and kiss in public without having to worry about it becoming tabloid news.

Rami would never give up his career for a relationship, but he does sometimes wish there was an easier alternative than what they have before them. It’s exhausting on the best of days, and he knows hiding bothers Joe more than it does him. More than once he’s found himself surprised that Joe has stuck around this long after everything Rami has put him through.

“I don’t know what to do,” he says, and his voice sounds bleak and broken. Sami sighs again and Rami wishes he was here beside him and not an ocean away. Sami is the one person who knows him better than anyone, even better than Joe, and right now he desperately needs his brother.

“Everything was going so well and now I’m worried it’s all going to fall apart,” Rami adds. 

He doesn’t consider himself superstitious by any means, but the fact that so much has already gone wrong this early in pre-production makes him anxious. Having two serious blowout arguments with Joe about the movie also hasn’t made him feel much better. Rami can’t afford to have this movie fail, but he can’t afford to have a media storm surrounding his personal life either. 

“I’m worried that the wrong person is going to find out and we won’t get to do anything on our own terms.”

“Talk to him,” Sami repeats. “You were planning to come out to the cast, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but I wanted to wait until we started filming.”

“So they found out a few months early. Big deal.”

“It’s not only that,” he begins. He knows he’s being unreasonable even as he says, “but what if other people start figuring it out?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Rami pulls the phone away from his ear and frowns down at it. “What?”

“You told me you were going to let people assume whatever they wanted. So if they assume you’re dating, what’s the issue?” Sami pauses and his voice lowers to something more sympathetic. “Joe’s one of the best things that’s happened to you. I know you love him and that he makes you happy. I know Joe would do anything for you. You can get through this, but you can’t shut each other out. Figure it out together.”

Though he’s reluctant to admit it, Rami knows Sami is right.

He just needs to figure out how to have that conversation.

 

 

Later that night, Rami lingers in the bedroom trying to get up the nerve to talk to Joe as they get ready for bed. The awkwardness between them hasn’t dissipated yet and he really doesn’t want to spend another night with Joe sleeping on the sofa. He wants to end this standoff. 

“I’m sorry,” he says eventually, the words almost sticking in his throat. “I was being a jerk. I know you didn’t send the pictures on purpose.”

Joe glances at him from over his shoulder. He pulls a t-shirt over his head and sits on the bed, patting the space beside him. Rami goes over and sighs when Joe wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him close to his side. 

He kisses his temple and murmurs, “I’m sorry, too.”

Rami leans into him, resting his head on Joe’s shoulder. “I know you are.”

“I shouldn’t have said you were overreacting. I know this is serious and that it isn’t what you wanted. I’m just a dumb drunk,” he says.

“You are,” Rami agrees, softening his voice so it doesn’t sound too accusatory. He knows Joe’s feeling guilty, so he adds, “Maybe we’ll have to limit your alcohol intake for the foreseeable future.”

“If you’re looking to punish me, that might be going too far,” Joe teases.

Rami attempts a smile. He’s still upset, but he knows there’s not much he can do at this point. He’ll just have to see how Gwil and Ben react tomorrow, even though he’s loathe to face them. 

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about anything,” Joe says, as though he senses Rami’s uncertainty.

“They haven’t said anything yet,” Rami points out.

Joe shrugs. “That doesn’t mean anything. They probably weren’t expecting the pictures and just don’t know how to respond. Not everyone has my habit of making bad jokes in uncomfortable situations.” 

He squeezes Rami’s side and then adds, “We haven’t seen the pictures online, so we know they didn’t do anything with them.”

Rami knows deep in his heart that Gwil and Ben won’t use this against them, but he’s still worried. Everything that happens outside their control is one more reminder of how tenuous their privacy is and how quickly things could implode.

“We can talk to Gwil and Ben as soon as we get to set tomorrow, okay?” Joe says softly. His voice is so calm and kind, and Rami hates himself a little for the bratty way he’s treated him over the past two days.

“You don’t think we should text them?” Rami asks. The thought of those pictures lingering in the group chat as the last messages anyone sent makes him queasy. It’s been almost forty eight hours. There’s no way they haven’t seen them by now.

“No. Unless one of them brings it up, we can wait until tomorrow. I think that’s for the best.”

“Okay,” Rami says.

Jos kisses the top of Rami’s head. “It’ll all work out.”

Rami really hopes he’s right.

 

 

Rami doesn’t get much sleep that night.

He’s quiet as he gets ready for the day, lost in his own thoughts and worrying over what might happen once they get to the studio. There’s a terror that grips him each time more aspects of their relationship are revealed to anyone outside their families. It makes him feel cowardly and foolish, and he hates it. He also hates that he makes Joe suffer through it with him, that he can’t just share news about his life with two friends without turning it into a spectacle.

“It’ll be fine today,” Joe says once they’re on their way. He reaches over to try and grab Rami’s hand and then thinks better of it and lets his hand drop back to his side. “We’ll straighten this all out.”

“We better,” Rami murmurs.

Gwil and Ben are already at the studio when Joe and Rami arrive. They’re sprawled out on the sofas in the cast room where Gwil’s sipping at a cup of tea and Ben’s picking his way through a muffin. Rami steels himself as he walks into the room. He’s never been one to run away from a difficult situation and he’s not about to start now, no matter how much his gut is telling him to.

He heads for the small table of pastries and beverages in the far corner and starts preparing a plate. It gives him a few minutes to pull himself together and figure out how he wants to approach this.

“Morning,” he says, sitting down on the edge of the sofa closest to Gwil.

“Morning,” Gwil says. He watches Rami carefully, expression slightly sympathetic, but he doesn’t say more than that.

There’s a weird tension in the room and Rami knows that Gwil and Ben are both trying to tactfully bring up the pictures. He almost hopes that they decide it’s not worth discussing and that they can all go about with their lives as if the pictures never existed.

“So, about the other night…..” Joe starts. His voice seems loud in the otherwise quiet room and it makes Rami go stiff with anticipation, though he’s silently grateful that Joe’s the one starting the conversation. “I might have been a lot more drunk than I realized and I kind of accidentally sent you some, uh, personal pictures.”

To Rami’s surprise, Ben snorts and gives them a look of disbelief. It’s not the reaction either of them were expecting and it immediately makes Rami suspicious.

“Is that really how you’re going to play it?” Ben asks, leaning back against the sofa cushions. He crumples the napkin in his hand and tosses it in the direction of the garbage can.

Joe looks at him, brows furrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?” he asks.

Ben shakes his head with a wry smile. “I know ridiculous and over the top is your thing, Joe, but I figured you guys would come up with a better way to tell us than ‘accidentally’ sending some pictures.”

He puts accidentally in finger quotes, grinning at Rami and Joe as if they’re in on the joke. Rami just stares at Ben in slight shock. Out of the corner of his eye he sees that Joe is wearing a similar expression. 

“I mean, that was your way of telling us you’re dating, right?” Ben asks, glancing back and forth between them, suddenly looking unsure. “Gwil and I knew you were going to tell us, but I didn’t think you’d go this route.”

“You knew?” Rami asks sharply. 

Gwil and Ben share a look of concern. Joe attempts to lay a hand on Rami’s knee, but Rami shuffles out of reach. That kernel of panic that had mostly subsided suddenly rises once again. He doesn’t like where this conversation is heading.

“It was a mistake,” Joe interrupts. His tone is unusually serious, and it makes Ben’s expression sober into something resembling embarrassment. 

“Seriously?” Ben asks.

Joe nods. “I really didn’t mean to send you those pictures.”

“Shit,” Ben says. “I’m sorry. I was only joking before. I thought you sent them on purpose.”

It’s such a weird thing to say — a weird thing to think, really — that Rami can’t help but blurt out, “Why?” 

Gwil frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Why would you think we sent them on purpose?”

Ben pauses, eyes darting between Joe and Rami. He looks lost for words, and Gwil jumps in with a gentle, “We’ve suspected for awhile that there was something beyond friendship happening with you two.”

Rami’s mouth feels dry and there’s something desperate clawing at his chest. He tries to respond, but all the words he wants to say die on his tongue.

He thought they were so clever about hiding their relationship, but if Ben and Gwil figured it out, he wonders who else has come to the same conclusion. He runs through everything they’ve said or done over the past month to try and pinpoint what Gwil could mean, but he draws a blank. They haven’t acted any differently. In fact, Rami has tried to be more restrained when around Joe. 

Clearly they’ve failed at that.

Beside him, Joe shifts and twists his fingers together nervously. “Was there something specific that clued you in?” 

“Mate, I hate to tell you this, but it was pretty obvious from the first day we met you guys. You look at Rami like he’s the only person in the room,” Ben says.

Joe flushes. “Really? The first day?” 

Gwil nods. “I wasn’t entirely certain at first, but the more time we spent together, the more apparent it became.”

“You weren’t supposed to know yet,” Rami says, and it’s a struggle to keep his voice steady. “We had a plan.”

“Looks like that plan went right out the window,” Joe says.

 _It went out the window when you sent those pictures_ , Rami thinks waspishly. 

It’d be easy to blame this on Joe if the pictures were the sole reason for Gwil and Ben knowing about their relationship, but from the sound of it, Rami’s equally guilty. He never realized that he was that affectionate with Joe when they were around other people.

He had such a carefully constructed idea of how this would go, and Rami finds himself wondering if all his publicist’s concerns and warnings are actually true. Maybe they do need to be more careful. Maybe things do need to change. Maybe they shouldn’t be spending so much time together.

None of those options are things Rami truly wants to consider, and he worries that even suggesting them to Joe would cause another disagreement. Or worse, an actual breakup.

“I can’t believe this,” Rami murmurs, his voice low enough that only Joe hears.

Joe darts a wary glance at Rami before saying, “We were going to tell you, by the way.”

 _In three months_ , Rami thinks. He swallows the words before he can say them. He knows it’s neither the time nor the place.

Gwil leans forward, elbows resting on his knees, and looks at them curiously. “If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been together?”

Joe pauses and then says, “Almost ten years.”

The room goes deathly quiet. Gwil and Ben both look far more shocked by this bombshell than the news about their relationship.

“What?” Joe asks hesitantly, curling in on himself a little.

“I thought it was a year, maybe,” Gwil says slowly, “but a decade is…. Wow. That’s impressive.”

Joe looks over at Rami with a hopeful smile. Rami tries his best to smile back, but his heart isn’t in it. 

“So you’re telling me no one knows about this? Ten years and _no one_ knows?” Ben asks incredulously.

Joe shakes his head. His entire demeanor has changed and he looks at ease, like he’s not at all troubled by this line of questioning. “Our families know. Some of our friends too. But not many people in the industry.”

“I can’t believe you kept it a secret for so long,” Gwil says.

Joe shrugs. “We’re planning to slowly reveal more after filming is finished.” He laughs suddenly, nudging Ben in the side. “You guys should feel special being the first ones to know.”

Joe’s laugh and words ring in Rami’s ears like a curse. There’s a quick flash of anger that overtakes him, a fury that Joe can be so lighthearted about this when Rami’s quietly embroiled in battling his own inner demons. 

He stands suddenly, knowing he has to get out of the room before all his emotions come bursting out. “I need to go,” he interrupts, causing the other three to stare at him in surprise.

Rami is vaguely aware of Joe calling worriedly after him, and he hears the low murmur of Gwil and Ben’s concerned voices. But he doesn’t really register anything beyond getting as far away from them as possible. 

As he makes his way out of the studio, all he can think of is what a mess this has all turned out to be.

 

 

He finds refuge in a small alcove that only a few people on set know about. It’s where some of the crew usually take their smoke breaks and where Rami has occasionally bummed a stress cigarette from Ben. It’s a bad habit, and one he knows he needs to break, but it’s the last thing on his mind at the moment.

At least the space outside is quiet and deserted. It’s still early enough that most of the crew haven’t come in yet and those who are already on set are busy setting up for the day. He has the place to himself and he’s grateful for it. He doesn’t want to be around anyone.

Rami leans against the wall and closes his eyes, trying to calm down. He should be happy that Gwil and Ben took it so well, but he can’t help but focus on the fact that they knew for an entire month.

 _Who else knows and hasn’t said anything_ , he wonders.

He doesn’t like when things don’t go according to plan. 

But more than that, he doesn’t like that anyone, especially people he’s only known for a month, can see through his facade so easily. 

It stings a little because he and Joe had agreed to continue acting normal, deciding to let people come to their own conclusions about their relationship, but Rami is now realizing — perhaps too late — that it was a horrible idea. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, his reaction to all of this is maybe an indication that he’s not ready to go public. 

The thought troubles him and he knows without a doubt in his mind that it would break Joe’s heart if he ever voiced it. 

He can’t bring these concerns up with Joe, and the only other people whose advice he trusts are his family. His fingers twitch over his phone, hesitating over Sami’s contact number. He’s about to press call when his phone rings unexpectedly with an incoming call. For a few hopeful seconds he thinks it might be Sami, somehow calling because he knows Rami needs him, but it turns out to be his publicist.

His mood sours pretty quickly.

She’s the last person he wants to talk to right now. He’s frazzled enough that he might accidentally tell her about Gwil and Ben. He knows she’ll have to be told eventually, just as he knows she’ll react with the same displeasure she voiced when Rami admitted to telling his _Mr. Robot_ co-stars about Joe.

Rami doesn’t need to listen to her berate him for being careless or listen to her insinuate that perhaps Joe isn’t the best choice of partner. She has an ever growing list of suggestions for how to handle the relationship. None of them lead to anything good.

He’s told Joe a little of what his team has suggested, but he’s kept the worst parts to himself. He doesn't need to burden Joe with it, especially when he knows it’ll be a blow to Joe’s self-confidence and that it will play into the doubts he already has about being good enough for Rami.

 _Everything is such a disaster_ , he thinks, staring down at the phone. He hits decline viciously and shoves his phone back in his pocket.

As he does so, he hears the sound of a door opening and footsteps coming his way. Rami looks up expecting it to be Joe and is mildly surprised to see Gwil instead.

“Need some company?” he asks softly.

Rami shrugs, not trusting himself to say anything. He feels awkward and more than a little ashamed that Gwil has witnessed him at such a low point. 

Gwil leans against the wall next to him. They stand there in a comfortable silence for awhile until Gwil asks, “Are you okay?”

Rami snorts and shakes his head. “These past few days have been… eventful,” he says.

Gwil smiles. “I would say so.”

“It’s not how I wanted it to happen,” Rami says. He looks at Gwil quickly and finds him watching him with kind, understanding eyes. “It’s nothing against you or Ben, but I don’t like telling people. It’ll impact me differently than Joe and I… I’m worried about how things will change, I guess.”

His voice breaks a little at the end and even to his own ears he sounds tired and miserable. Something in Gwil’s face shifts and he moves to draw Rami into a one armed hug. Rami leans against him and sighs, feeling the weight of the world roll off his shoulders.

“It will be different for you,” Gwil acknowledges. “We all know you have it harder.”

It’s a relief to hear that someone else understands where he’s coming from. Sometimes he worries that he’s making things more complicated than they need to be. Or that everyone else around him, people who have never suffered the same injustices and hardships, will look at him differently because of it.

“You have every right to feel worried,” Gwil continues. He squeezes Rami, resting his chin on Rami’s head. “Joe’s eager to tell people, but it’s only because he cares for you. Even I can see that.”

“I know. I feel awful for keeping it a secret for so long.”

Gwil lets out a low, sympathetic noise.

“We won’t tell anyone,” Gwil says, and his voice is so, _so_ gentle. “It’s not my secret to tell, and I understand why you wouldn’t want anyone to know. I do want you to know that Ben and I will support you and Joe, though. It doesn’t change anything.”

Rami feels tears prick at the corner of his eyes. He’s exhausted, physically and mentally, and Gwil’s show of support is enough to push him over the edge.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

“It’s not something you have to thank me for,” Gwil says, voice just as quiet, “but we’ll be here for you. You guys aren’t alone in this.” He pauses, hugging Rami a little more tightly. “And it might be nice to have someone else to talk to about this. Or someone to watch out for any slip ups.”

“You’d do that for us?” Rami asks, somewhat in disbelief over the offer. 

Gwil frowns down at him. “Of course I would. If you want to keep it quiet, we’ll help you. I speak for Ben, too. I know he’d have no problem with it.”

Rami lets out a deep sigh. “I didn’t think you would. Not really,” he admits, “but some part of me was worried I had read you wrong. You can’t be too careful.”

Gwil nods sympathetically. “I know. You have it rough in this industry.”

Rami knows he’s lucky that Gwil is being so understanding, but he’s still worried about anyone else they encounter, from the crew to the rest of the cast members they haven’t met yet. He and Joe are going to have to figure out how to handle them.

“How did you figure it out?” he asks. Maybe if he can gain some insight from Gwil, they can change how they act around everyone else.

Gwil looks down at him with some trepidation. “You really want to know?”

While he’s not entirely sure that he does want to know, Rami nods anyway.

“There were small things at first. Just things you or Joe said that indicated you were close. I thought it was just because you’ve known each other for so long,” Gwil begins. He rubs the back of his neck and lets his hand rest there for a second. “But then it was the way you acted around each other. You’re very intimate and you have a special smile you only use for Joe.”

Rami frowns. He had no idea that was something he did. No one - not even his family - has mentioned anything about the way Rami smiles at Joe.

“It’s sweet,” Gwil assures him. “It’s something between fond and exasperated, but you only ever use it around Joe.”

“Fond and exasperated are my default settings when it comes to Joe,” Rami manages to say, only half joking.

Gwil laughs. “Yeah, I can see that.”

Rami nudges him gently. “What else?”

“Joe doesn’t stop talking about you,” Gwil says, and Rami feels his neck warm with embarrassment and a small trace of pleasure. “And then there was that day Joe found out about the perm.”

Rami’s brows furrow as he tries to remember that day. Nothing comes to mind beyond Joe moaning about having to perm his hair.

“We were all eating,” Gwil clarifies, “and you ate from each other’s plates with no hesitation. The only people I’ve ever seen do that are couples or family members.”

“Oh,” Rami says. He hadn’t even thought about that. It’s something he’s so used to doing that it never occurred to him that other people would find it unusual.

“And when we were out at the bar the night Joe sent those pictures, you were so affectionate with each other. It made me wonder if there wasn’t something more than friendship going on.”

It’s a lot to take in. He never realized he and Joe were so transparent with their feelings. There’s apparently so much they do in daily life that gives them away, and Rami wonders how they got away with it for so long. Maybe they were lucky, he thinks, that no one ever cared enough to comment on it.

“Well you were right, unfortunately,” Rami says. 

“It’s not a bad thing,” Gwil points out. “It’s nice to see how in love you two are after all these years. Those pictures were sweet as well.”

Rami manages a smile. “Don’t tell Joe that. It’ll go to his head and he’ll make sure we’re even more insufferable.”

Gwil laughs again. “Noted.” He looks over at Rami and reaches out to squeeze his arm. “We really are behind you, no matter what happens. You know that, right?”

“I do,” Rami says, and it’s not even a lie.

 

 

Despite his conversation with Gwil, Rami still feels weird around them. Ben seems to share the sentiment as he acts skittish around them for a few days.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” Joe says. They’re in the band room once again, having a quick break before they return to set. “Could he be embarrassed by what happened?”

“Maybe,” Rami replies.

He reaches out to run his hands through Joe’s hair. Joe smiles at him and leans into the touch. They’ve settled back into their normal routine, and everything seems to be at peace between them. Even though he hasn’t said much on the matter, Rami knows that Joe is relieved that Ben and Gwil finally know.

Rami tries to tamp down the worry that Ben’s reaction is borne of something more troubling, however. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Ben suddenly decides he’s not okay with keeping this secret. Or worse, if he’s not okay with seeing Joe and Rami together.

Yet, before he can worry too much and work himself up into a frenzy, Ben corners Rami a few days later to clear the air between them.

“I wanted to apologize again,” Ben says. 

He has Frankie with him and he unclips her leash, smiling slightly when she plods over to Rami and sits down at his feet. Rami bends down and obediently scratches behind her ears. He idly wonders if Ben brought the dog as a way to ease into the conversation they’re about to have, and he finds he doesn't really care if Ben _is_ using Frankie as a distraction. He’ll suffer through any difficult conversation if there’s a dog he can pet.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Rami says. 

Ben looks uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to another. “I made it into a big joke. You weren’t happy and I feel awful about it.”

Rami gives Frankie one last pet before he rises to his feet. Some measure of relief flows over him as he realizes Ben’s been avoiding them out of embarrassment rather than disgust. He feels a rush of fondness for the man standing before him, and for the way he’s apparently tied himself up in knots over the idea of upsetting Rami.

“Ben, it’s not your fault. I wasn’t angry with you.”

Ben looks at him, studying his face for a long moment. “Really?”

“Really,” Rami confirms. “I was more angry about you guys figuring it out. I wasn’t prepared for that.”

Ben is quiet for a moment. “No offense, but it wasn’t that hard to figure out.”

“That’s what Gwil said,” he replies with a sigh. 

“I mean, you two do touch each other a lot. That day we found you cuddling in the cast room is what made me realize you might be hooking up.”

Rami pauses. He’d forgotten about that. “I don’t think we’re _that_ affectionate with each other,” he says.

Ben raises an eyebrow. “You really are. Anyone can see how much you care about each other.”

Something unpleasant forms in the pit of Rami’s stomach. It sticks there in the back of his mind for the rest of the day. He decides that he needs another opinion on the matter, and it needs to be an opinion from someone he knows won’t ever lie to him.

 

 

“Do you think Joe and I are too affectionate around other people?”

Sami looks at him in disbelief via their FaceTime call. Rami’s phone is propped up on the kitchen counter so he can chat with Sami while preparing dinner. Joe’s out at one of his bass lessons, so Rami has the place to himself for a little while longer. 

“Is that a serious question?” Sami asks.

“Yes?” Rami says, confused.

When he looks over at his phone, Sami is staring at him like he thinks Rami’s the biggest idiot in the world.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks defensively. 

“Rami, you and Joe are sickeningly romantic with each other.”

“We are not!”

Sami sighs. “Remember when you were out here for the Fourth? You guys were attached at the hip. Whenever anyone saw you together, you were cuddling or kissing or holding hands.”

“Okay, but everyone already knew we were dating,” Rami points out. “So it’s not like we had to hide anything.”

Sami shrugs. “You don’t act much different around people who don’t know. There might not be any kissing or hand holding, but it’s still pretty obvious.”

“You said I was affectionate with everyone,” Rami says, referencing the conversation they had at the beginning of the year, “and you said that because of it, no one would notice if I was affectionate with my boyfriend.”

“I was trying to make you feel better,” Sami admits. “I can’t predict how everyone you encounter might react. Especially if you’re being handsy and flirty.”

“Thanks a lot,” Rami grumbles.

Rami knows he’s a flirty, affectionate guy. He always has been, even back when he was in high school and college. But as he thinks about this recent development, he realizes that it’s been a long time since he and Joe spent so much time around people who weren’t in the loop. The last time they worked on a project together was in 2008 and they weren’t even dating then. They haven’t been on set with each other in years. His _Mr. Robot_ family has known about their relationship since the beginning, so it was never a problem to share a kiss when Joe visited him on set.

And whenever they went out in public or to an official event, they were so conscious of how they acted. 

But they’ve let their guards down on the BoRhap set. They’ve spent the past month acting like they would if they were around family or friends and they’ve spent almost every single day with Ben and Gwil.

 _Of course_ Ben and Gwil were going to pick up on something.

Rami feels like an idiot. It all seems so obvious to him in hindsight and he wonders how he overlooked this.

“What do you think I should do?” he asks Sami.

“Honestly?” 

Rami nods. He finishes cutting up the tomatoes he’s using for a pasta sauce and dumps them into a pot before setting it on the stovetop. As he’s pouring the pasta into the boiling water he says, “Yeah, honestly. Wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“What?” Rami asks in surprise.

“Rami, you’re worrying over nothing. People are going to get more suspicious if you suddenly start acting differently.”

Sami has a point. Rami bites down on his lower lip, deep in thought as he stirs the pasta into the water. 

“I really never thought we were that obvious.”

Sami huffs, but his reply is lost over the sound of Joe unlocking the front door and bounding through, calling out his name. Rami hears the sound of his bag and shoes hitting the floor.

“Kitchen,” Rami calls.

“Hey, babe, you making dinner?” Joe says. He wraps his arms around Rami and kisses him eagerly, smiling against his mouth. “I’m starving.”

There’s a groan from the direction of the phone. “Okay, you two need to stop making out while I’m on the phone,” Sami says, face screwed up in annoyance. “This is the second time in a month that it’s happened.”

“Hey, don’t get jealous,” Joe says. He keeps his arms around Rami but turns his head toward the phone still propped on the counter. “I’d kiss you hello if you were here.”

Sami rolls his eyes. “I’ll pass. Gingers aren’t my type.” 

“You’re missing out,” Rami says. Joe grins and kisses him on the cheek.

“To answer your earlier question,” Sami says, refusing to take the bait, “I think this exchange is all the answer you need.”

He sends a pointed glance Rami’s way and Rami can maybe see his earlier point. He and Joe are perhaps a bit too involved in each other, sometimes to the point of forgetting other people in the room. It’s just been a long time since anyone called them on it.

After he hangs up with Sami, Joe makes a questioning noise as he pokes at the bubbling pasta sauce with a spoon. Rami slaps his hand away and takes over, stirring the sauce until it’s smooth.

“What were you talking about?” Joe asks.

“Whether or not we’re too affectionate in front of people,” he says. He doesn’t look at Joe as he says it, instead concentrating on placing the pasta and sauce on plates.

“I know we are,” Joe says.

Rami looks at him in surprise. Joe shrugs. “I love you, you love me. We’re physically affectionate people.”

“You’re not worried about that?”

“Not particularly.” Joe digs around in one of the drawers for a fork, handing one to Rami. “Why? Is this about Gwil and Ben?”

“Sort of,” Rami says, even though it’s entirely about them. 

Joe raises an eyebrow. “So what’s the problem?”

“I guess I’m worried that someone else is going to pick up on this,” he says, indicating the two of them, “and that they’ll be less accepting. I don’t want to wake up one morning and see something about us in a tabloid.”

Joe studies him, his expression indecipherable. “There’s always a chance of that happening. Especially as more people start recognizing you in public.”

“I know,” Rami sighs. It feels like they’re having the same conversation again, only more rational this time. He wonders how many times they can discuss it. “I’m just on edge after Gwil and Ben. I’m overreacting again.”

Joe crosses the kitchen and kisses Rami softly. “You’re not. Look, whatever we do is not going to be perfect. There’ll be people who hate us for being together, but there are also going to be people who support us. People like Gwil and Ben.”

“We were lucky with them,” Rami observes.

“We were. And we have them on our side, so let’s just focus on that as we move forward, okay?” Joe asks. He kisses Rami’s forehead and then smiles. “Besides, I want to see how obnoxious we can get around them before they grow sick of us.”

Rami laughs and shoves him playfully. “You can do that. Don’t even think about getting me involved.”

“What, you don’t want to makeout in front of them? Sit in my lap and cuddle when we hang out?”

“Not if the purpose is to annoy them,” Rami says. 

They continue bickering as they eat, with Rami laughing at Joe’s increasingly more outrageous suggestions. They settle onto the sofa once they’re done and Joe puts on a movie, pulling Rami in close to cuddle up against his side. For the first time in almost a month, Rami feels himself relax. Their friends know about them and aren’t disgusted, and things seem to be moving forward. 

The normalcy of it puts Rami’s fears to rest for the moment. He hopes it stays that way. He has a feeling things are only going to get more hectic in the coming months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with this chapter, so I'd love any feedback! I had to cut out a bunch that will be in the next chapter, so hopefully it won't be as long of a wait. 
> 
> For anyone interested, there's a Mazlek prompt meme happening [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/mazlekprompts)! There'll be a fic/art exchange happening in November as well, and you can check out at http://mazlekexchange.tumblr.com.


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